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Ending a relationship is never easy. When you feel you must end a relationship most people find it challenging as they have feelings towards their partner and do not wish to hurt them.

More often than not, breaking up is as hard on the person ending the relationship as it is on the person being broken up with. Realize that a person is breaking up has nothing to do with caring about another person. Caring about somebody and wanting a relationship are not the same.

The majority of people on this planet do not like to hurt others, especially somebody they have been close to. Guilt has been used more often than not to keep relationships together. Fight this urge and believe in yourself! When you allow guilt as a way to stop a break up you not only cheat yourself out of having a good and true relationship, you’ll foster resentment towards the other person which could lead to greater pain and heart ache in the future. Why would you want to be with somebody who makes you feel bad by allowing you to feel guilty? Respect yourself!!

A man should exit gracefully by planning the break up, to minimize the grief caused to his partner

Don’t just ignore her hoping she will notice and go away. You might have learned a little bit about push /pull as a term we use in seduction. That only tends to bring somebody in closer. Which is the exact opposite of what you want.

The I think you’re a great girl and I don’t deserve you line will seem ok to her at first, but later on she will start to resent that. She could also go into how you DO deserve her and try to convince you.

Honesty really is the best policy. Treating the relationship, and the person, with respect and dignity helps soften the blow.

When you break up, do it in person. Show some integrity and sincerity to tell her that the relationship isn’t going anywhere. In our workshops we teach how verbal communication is only 7% of the total communication between people. If she also sees closed off body language it will be easier for closure for her eventually.

Telling somebody you are breaking up in person is never easy, but you owe it to her to break the news to her personally. This means not on the phone, definitely not over e-mail, but rather, face to face where she can get eye contact and read your body language. The universal line of “we need to talk” should be given in advance. This allows her to prepare for what is coming and helps soften the blow a little bit. Do not put too much time between the “We need to talk” and actual breakup as the waiting time in between is very uncomfortable if delayed long.

On doing some research on this I read a suggestion about breaking up in the exact same place you met if possible. This is to suggest that the relationship has completed a circle. A place where she has a lot of happy memories might help neutralize some of the new sad ones.

Ending a relationship gracefully means speaking our piece without blame or judgment and not taking responsibility for another’s feelings. It is important to make eye contact, and give body language that is open while you are communicating (which suggests you are VERY open to what you are saying) than give closed off body language after finishing your piece. To suggest you are not open to hearing anything else. Say your words sincerely, leave no room for doubt, and never back down – especially when she starts to cry and you feel horrible.

Than give that person some space usually a few months at least. Do not try to get cozy with the person as this can really mess with somebody’s head a lot as they will use this as hope that you are getting back together. This is the only way to keep pain to a minimum when ending a relationship.

Robert Torrey is one of the trainers for Fidentia a company that teaches men dating confidence with live workshops. Go to www.fidentia.org for more info

It’s not unusual for a spouse whose partner has had an affair to have a “get even” or “retaliation affair.” The feelings of betrayal and the emotional pain are so devastating that the spouse may want to hurt the partner like he (or she) has been hurt.

In some cases, the affair is planned out in advance as a deliberate way to get even and cause pain to the partner. In other cases, the betrayed spouse confides in a sympathetic friend or co-worker and ends up becoming emotionally bonded with that person, eventually resulting in a sexual affair. There are other situations where the spouse impulsively picks up someone in a bar and has a one-night stand.

The affair or one-night stand results from a combination of feelings–betrayal, shock, outrage, grief, hurt, numbness, the desire for revenge, and the feeling that being faithful doesn’t matter anymore now that the partner has crossed the line. The betrayed spouse wants to “even the score,” to seek comfort and solace in someone else’s arms, and to prop up self-esteem and feelings of being sexually desirable.

There’s also the feeling on the part of the betrayed spouse that the partner can’t say anything about the retaliation affair because he or she did the same thing. There’s also often the feeling that the “get even affair” is the fault of the partner who had the first affair, and he (or she) gets the blame for everything that has happened.

The betrayed spouse may tell the partner: “This is all your fault. If you hadn’t had the affair that you did, none of this would have happened.” He (or she) may be unwilling to accept any responsibility for what has taken place, and he may become mired in blame. (This, of course, is a cop-out. Each person is always responsible for individual choices and decisions.)

While it’s easy to understand how a retaliation or get even affair can happen, dealing with the aftermath certainly isn’t easy. The relationship dynamics were already complicated and messy, and now they are even more so.

Retaliation affairs only make things worse. Here are ten reasons why:

1. When the original affair took place, there was already one person too many in the marriage relationship–now there are two people too many, with all of the complications and complexity that brings with it. The marriage problems are compounded when this happens.

2. The outside person who has been drawn into the retaliation affair is likely to end up feeling used and taken advantage of when the dust settles. And using someone else sexually never produces the kind of energy that you want to invite into your life. Plus, afterwards there can be lingering guilt and regret.

3. Because the retaliation affair is based on wanting to hurt your partner, nothing good can come of it. This quote by Charley Reese sums up why: “It is never wise to seek or wish for another’s misfortune. If malice or envy were tangible and had a shape, it would be a boomerang.”

4. Having a retaliation affair is right up there with “cutting off your nose to spite your face” and “shooting yourself in the foot.” This means that you’ll only be hurting yourself more than anyone else if you let your anger and desire for revenge get the upper hand.

5. Engaging in a “get even fling” will only drive a bigger wedge between you and your partner and make it harder for you to address the real problems in the marriage. It will also serve as a diversion from focusing on the deeper, underlying issues.

6. The retaliation affair or one night stand offers only temporary escape from the pain and distress. When the brief interlude is over, the heartache is still there. There’s no getting around the fact that “You take yourself with you wherever you go.” The temporary escape won’t bring you lasting happiness or joy.

7. Getting even with your partner by having sex with someone else won’t help you accomplish the goal of rebuilding and restoring your marriage. It will only take you further down the road toward dissention, irreconcilable differences, separation, and divorce.

8. If you have children, they can be adversely affected by your actions. Kids learn about relationships, problem solving, and how to handle crisis and anger from their parents. It’s important to model the kind of behavior and reactions that you want them to learn and adopt in their life.

9. You never go wrong by taking the “high road.” On the other hand, you invite negative energy, disharmony, conflict, and unpleasantness into your life when you take the “low road.” It can take a long time to untangle yourself from the mess you’ve created.

10. The saying, “Two wrongs don’t make a right” has been quoted through the years because it’s true–just because someone else “did you wrong” doesn’t make it okay for you to do the same thing to them. There’s another saying that applies here: “He who seeks revenge should dig two graves.”

Hard as it can be to resist the urge to get even or retaliate, the most helpful action you can take if you are the betrayed spouse is to find an experienced counselor who can help you cope with the painful situation.

That way, you’ll have the support, encouragement, and objective feedback that you need to make sound, thoughtful decisions and avoid a rash “knee jerk” response that will tear your relationship apart even more.

Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-creator of Overcome Control Conflict with Your Spouse or Partner, available at www.ControllingSpouse.com. She is also co-author of Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says “I dont love you anymore!” which is available at http://www.KeepYourMarriage.com, as well as a free weekly Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine. Dr. Wasson offers telephone and email coaching to individuals and couples

If you’d like to discover more about overcoming an affair to have a successful and happy relationship, then I highly recommend “How to Survive an Affair” which you can get today by clicking here.

Your beautiful little girl is growing up and turning into a woman. You can see the signs and want to prepare her for that day when she gets her first period.

You don’t feel altogether comfortable about it and you aren’t sure what to say or how to start. This is quite normal because menstruation has been, and still is a TABOO subject – people just don’t like to talk about it.

This is what makes it difficult for most parents to speak openly with their daughters about the changes of puberty.

We have put together a few ideas to make it easier for you to approach this time with confidence.

Step 1 – KNOW YOUR MATERIAL

Having the right information and knowing exactly what happens during menstruation is a helpful way to get over the taboo. The more you know your ‘material’ – the more comfortable you are going to be about discussing it.

There are many resources available to you, both in print and on the web.

From a purely physical or biological perspective, the things your daughter will need to understand include:

* the mechanics of how women bleed

* what happens each month to their body

* what do women use to catch the flow (types, brands, alternatives) and how they use it.

* simple pain management

* how to chart and keep track of a cycle.

* fertility basics

Girls are getting their periods at a younger age, so be selective about what your daughter needs to know at any stage. A young girl of 10 or 11, needs simpler information than a girl who is 14 or 15.

The key is to open communication channels, or have information available so they can absorb what they are ready for.

For example – If you have a daughter who is younger, coming to grips with the physical aspects may be a priority for her. For example, what to use, when do periods come etc. She doesn’t need to know about how to recognise her fertility at this stage but you certainly can plant seeds for further discussion at a later stage. You can explain to her that her body gives signals about its state of fertility, that each phase of the cycle has a distinct purpose and that when she is older she can learn how to recognise the special signals her body is sending her.

It is a good idea to look at menstruation not only from a physical point of view but also the emotional point of view. After all, after your daughter has the facts and the physicality under control – learning to deal with the emotional ups and downs and change in moods will be the next major task, and one that will also impact the people around her.

Step 2 DE-SENSITISE YOURSELF

The more you talk about and think about menstruation the more ordinary it becomes – take my word for it. I have been writing and discussing menstruation for the last 10 years and for me, it is just part of life. So practise. Practise on your spouse or good friends first, before you try it on your daughter. That way you won’t be as embarrassed which will instantly guarantee a much better outcome.

Step 3 – THE IMPORTANCE OF SELF AWARENESS

It is very important to be aware of your own feelings and thoughts on the subject of menstruation. We all have subconscious beliefs about what menstruation means, and often they are not positive. Taking the time to think about and reframe your own attitude to menstruation can diffuse some of the discomfort and embarrassment you might feel.

If you are a woman – and your own passing into puberty was fraught with shame and disapproval, now is the time to look at the menstrual cycle in a different light. Do you really want your daughter carrying on this negative legacy? What does it mean to you that your daughter is growing up and maturing sexually?

The second question can be especially difficult to confront if your daughter is in the younger bracket of the puberty spectrum. Girls are getting their periods at a younger and younger age, caused in part by the abundance of synthetic hormones in the food we eat and a more sedentary lifestyle.

It is important to remember that just because your daughters body is maturing it doesn’t mean that her mind or emotions are making the same quantum leap. The whole puberty process can take a couple of years so there is time to get used to it all. And your daughter may not necessarily become sexually active just because she has her periods.

How do YOU feel?

Adolescence is the start of something new – childhood slips into the past. As with any change and time of transition, there are many feelings that come to the surface. Grief at time lost, fear of what is in the future, anger at factors we can’t control or our own aging process as we see our daughters stepping into their prime.

It is not an easy time. Being open to your own conflicting emotions and being able to put them in perspective means that you are less likely to get caught up in conflicts and more able to lovingly support your daughter through her transition.

Step 4 – KEEP THE LINES OF COMMUNICATION OPEN.

Be ready to talk when they need it. It can be funny – we get ourselves all psyched up to have this super important talk with our children only to find they don’t seem to be at all interested. Then at another time, out of the blue they are ready and catch us unprepared.

Take the opportunity to talk when it comes. Have your knowledge ready and remember they often need information in small bite size chunks. Don’t be too disappointed when you don’t get the chance to let them know the whole story in one go.

Another good strategy is to have books available to your child, conveniently lying around the house so that they can access the information for themselves. It’s a good idea to use these books as a starting point for discussions and remember there are resources available for you too.

If you’d like to learn more great tips and strategies for helping out your teen and having a great relationship, then I highly recommend “Teenager Parenting 101″ which you can get today by clicking here.

You’re about to spend the most useful 5 minutes you’ve ever spent on improving your future love life.

Read this…

There’s something I want you to do that I KNOW will improve your natural ability to read into a man’s behavior and his mind.

And learning to do this homework could mean the difference between being…

Happy & In-love or Lonely & Single.

Whoa… that’s pretty intense – I’ll tone it down for a sec and give you something to take your mind to off some of the potential negative stuff that you might be thinking about here…

Did you see the final Sex and the City episode where Carrie went to Paris with her lover?

Carrie’s in Paris with her boyfriend and begins to wonder if she made the right decision to move away with this man who, deep down inside, she know’s doesn’t want the same type of life and relationship she does.

As she makes this realization, her ex, “Big”, has flown to Paris from New York looking to reconcile with his lost love after realizing his undying love for Carrie.

And of course, as with all good TV, the two find each other by luck and fate, and Big finally professes his love.

Talk about romantic, intense, suspenseful and full of great drama!

Ok, I thought that might do the trick to warm you back up.

So what does the story of Carrie’s love life have to do with YOUR love life?

More than you might think – but we’ll get to that.

That’s why this week I’m giving you a short homework assignment – and this is what could be the most valuable 5 minutes you’ll ever spend on your love life:

I need you to think about one of the first things I recognized about women way back in junior high – it’s something I still see it today in our “grown-up” dating world.

Why don’t women pick the right guys?

Or even more to the point – why do women pick all the wrong guys?

If you’ve had your heart broken, been cheated on, or find yourself giving everything you’ve got inside, to get little or nothing in return, then you know what I’m talking about.

****Right Now****

Take 5 minutes of time to yourself.

Tune the rest of the world out for just these 5 minutes.

Now, think about each of these questions for a minute or two each:

1. What is it about “bad boys” or men that aren’t “available” that is attractive to women? And to you?

2. Have you ever dated a guy even though you knew he was a “bad boy” – or found out soon into things?

3. Is there a “nice guy” in your life who would make a great companion but you’re not attracted to or share a “connection” with?

Don’t cheat yourself…

Stop, go back, make sure you take at least 5 minutes of time and think about just these questions…

(Trust me – it’s AMAZING what you can actually learn about the world and yourself if you take a few minutes of silence to think just about ONE THING at a time. It’s maybe the BEST thing I ever started doing for myself!)

I’ll give you some more time…

Ok, so you’ve thought about it. Let’s share our thoughts and compare notes.

*As a quick inside reminder:

This exercise is all about actively improving your ability to know what a good man looks like for YOU and to help you pick ONLY the right men now and in the future.

Picking the wrong men can get you in all kinds of painful trouble it’s hard to get free of.

But for some reason, women don’t want the guys who are probably better relationship and love companions.

I’m not going to give you ALL the answers right now, but I’m going to lead you to finding the answers for yourself – as it’s a much more effective way of learning.

So…. I’m gonna address the last question first about “nice guys”.

A friend of mine sent me an article that was on AOL entitled “What’s Wrong With Nice Guys?”. Here’s a little quote from the article:

“…Do Women Date Naughty Guys but Marry Nice Ones?”

This notion sounds an awful lot like the irritating good-girl/bad-girl distinction that men continue to make. Still, it does contain a nugget of sense. Since women truly are conditioned to be “good girls,” sometimes we feel uncomfortable with or guilty about that pure burning “I must have him!” feeling. That’s why we sometimes seek out a bad boy to serve as the object of these desires, says Cleveland psychotherapist Belleruth Naparstek, creator of the Health Journeys series of guided imagery tapes. “In order for the deliciousness of pure lust to be ‘okay,’ it has to be for the symbolic bad boy who has nothing to do with the rest of your life. With him, you can crank up your animal impulses, worry-free,” she says…

Interesting, huh?

My friend who sent it to me disagrees with the idea that women seek out “bad boys” because they need somewhere to project their guilty lust, and I agree.

I disagree that there’s something “wrong” with the fact that women are attracted to “bad boys”…

My friend also made the point that the “mainstream” psychology and behavior world is starting to accept the idea that women are attracted to “bad boys”.

There’s something to the idea that woman don’t feel that powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for “nice guys” who chase after them, dote on them and kiss up to them.

A woman might LIKE the experience of the “nice guy” doing nice things, but it doesn’t CREATE attraction or a connection with the woman.

Ever.

Trust me, I know men who are the “nice guy” all the time and they get so frustrated trying so hard to please a woman and get her interested.

But it’s like trying to chew bubble gum to solve calculus problems… It’s hopeless.

And wouldn’t you know it – it works the same way for “nice women”. Being a “nice girl” can’t “convince” a guy to like you just because you do sweet things…

It just doesn’t work like that.

I’ve had women be the “nice girl” with me in the past. There’s two women I can remember from acting overly nice and sweet to try and attract me.

Any attraction that was there started falling away.

THE TRUTH of the matter is – kissing up, convincing and being too “sweet” can kill attraction.

Why?

Our subconscious reacts in ways you often can’t control and aren’t very aware of.

Being too “nice” sends a signal to the “deep” part of the mind that tells you “this person isn’t desirable and is lower status”.

I know, this might sound kind of dark, power-hungry or weird to you, but it’s what happens with us humans.

People don’t value what they can have too easily, whether they admit it or not.

Ultimately, when women are around “nice guys”, they end up unconsciously thinking, “This man isn’t desirable, I shouldn’t date or pursue this guy”.

(Ok, there can be another reason, but I won’t discuss it here but it has to do with people who develop the “nice” persona due to what they feel they personally lack, and thus “nice” people are self-selecting and are actually and less confident and less attractive.)

In the nice guys defense – they might actually have something better to offer a woman in terms of what she SAYS she wants (love, trust, companionship, passion), but the women aren’t able to see it – or see it as something they want.

Why?

Women don’t develop a connection to the nice guy and the “connection” is the MAGIC ingredient for attraction with most women.

Which leads us to the “bad boy”!

You might not agree with me, but women DO feel that magical emotion called ATTRACTION for “bad boys”.

Of course, I don’t believe that men have to be jerks, or abuse women in order to make them feel attracted to them.

But women have a deep attraction mechanism that’s triggered by men who behave indifferent, superior, cocky, the list goes of “bad” behavior. You’ve seen it.

“Bad boys” often create inviting and intoxicating forms of drama – often perceived as playfulness, sexuality and fun.

When I first talk to women about the bad boy subject, they jump ALL OVER me and completely disagree.

Then I ask them about some of the relationships they’ve had in the past.

And guess what?

Most women realize in the course of the conversation that they’ve dated men they knew fit the “bad boy” profile.

What makes me laugh is that the realization makes them argue with me even more!

So why do women date and continue on with “bad boys”?

The answer to this question when I ask it to women is almost UNIVERSAL.

“We had a great connection”.

Some women call it “chemistry”.

The magic of a connection with a man can be extremely powerful. Often powerful enough to undo all sorts of reasoning abilities and ways of perceiving things.

Women picking and staying with the wrong men is the single biggest mistake I see women make. It’s the most common reason why the thousands of women I hear from can’t find the love and fulfillment they’re looking for.

But there’s help…

I talk about these and other concepts in detail in my eBook, “Catch Him And Keep Him”. You can get your hands on a copy of Catch Him And Keep Him at my website and be reading it in just a few minutes from now.

Plus, you can get it at what is at my risk-

Why don’t you try the book for a week so you can decide if you want to keep it?

If you don’t like it, just let me know and I’ll refund all your money immediately.

Honestly, I think you could learn more in a few hours reading the book than most women might learn in their whole LIVES about how to meet and attract men the right men AND what the specific steps are to develop an amazing relationship he won’t ever want to come to an end.

Go check it out:

Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download

Christian Carter is an attraction expert and author of “Catch Him and Keep Him” at: CatchHimAndKeepHim.com

© Copyright 2006, Catch Him Inc. All Rights Reserved. Copyright materials used by permission.

Have you been blindsided by an unhappy spouse who suddenly announced, “I don’t love you anymore”? If so, then you know that these words can split a marriage wide open, along with the heart of the partner who may not have suspected that anything was wrong. Like most spouses in your situation, you may be confused and struggling to understand what those five ominous words “I don’t love you anymore” really mean. Let’s look at four of the possibilities:

1. Your Spouse May Have Confused Feelings

The most common situation is that the partner has doubts about his feelings. A more accurate wording might be: “I don’t think that I love you anymore, but I’m not absolutely sure.”

If this is what your spouse means, you can often use this doubt, even if it’s only a very small doubt, to buy time for your marriage. Your spouse may be more likely to agree to go to marriage counseling while he takes additional time to determine if he really wants to leave the marriage or not.

Rather than framing an appeal to your spouse as doing you a favor, say instead, “Please don’t throw away your investment of time in our marriage yet.” This request reminds him that he’s losing something if he walks away.

Help him recall all the energy, hard work, and dreams he has invested in the marriage so far. He may conclude that it just makes good sense for him to wait until he’s absolutely sure about what he wants to do.

2. The Romance May Be Gone

Another meaning the words “I don’t love you anymore” can have is that your spouse feels she loves you but that she is not IN love with you any longer. This is usually extremely difficult for the other spouse to comprehend. How can she say that she loves you but not in a romantic way, more like a friend or sibling? What does she mean?

When she says “I love you, but I’m not IN love with you,” she may feel that she has been the main one trying to keep romance alive. She may have told you that she wished you communicated more or would take more initiative in planning romantic or fun things to do. She has probably tried to initiate discussions about her needs or how the two of you could feel more bonded.

It’s likely that in the past your spouse has suggested you both go to marriage counseling, all to no avail. She probably feels that her pleas have fallen on deaf ears. Her perception may be that you don’t value the relationship because you have been unwilling to make changes that are important to her.

She eventually may resign herself to the fact that you aren’t going to change. Her feelings of sexual desire and romantic attraction often diminish over time until the passionate spark is no longer there. She still cares about you, but she doesn’t feel romantic toward you any longer.

It’s impossible to predict which sparks can be fanned back into flames. Some spouses will leave anyway, saying that it’s too late, that the other spouse has waited too long to start taking action. Other spouses may be deeply touched by the partner’s depth of feeling and efforts to change. They may agree to stay in the marriage and see what’s possible with both partners working on the relationship.

3. Abuse Almost Always Puts Out the Flame

A third possibility is that your spouse has shut down loving feelings towards you because of physical, verbal, or emotional abuse. It’s not hard to predict that partners who are threatened, slapped, verbally put down, constantly criticized, and unappreciated would not be likely to have loving feelings toward the abuser. Often they have no other choice but to leave the marriage in order to protect themselves and their children.

If you have a history of being abusive in any way to your spouse or children, it’s time to find an experienced therapist to help you. You will want to look at yourself in the mirror of a trained professional’s eyes. Often abusers themselves were abused as children. Abusive behavior was ingrained in them at a very young age.

If this is your case, know that you can’t help the environment you grew up in. What you can do is to make sure your loved ones are protected from it. Often people act out unconsciously the patterns they were taught as kids, only to perpetuate the cycle by acting the same way with their own families. The good news is that this vicious cycle can be stopped if you are willing to get help.

4. Addiction Can Kill Love

A fourth possibility is that if you have an addiction, your spouse may have had all he can endure. Addictions can take many different forms. Common addictions include alcohol or drug abuse, gambling, sexual addiction, and compulsive spending. Any of these behaviors can destroy a marriage.

The pain, confusion, and problems associated with living with a spouse who drinks until she passes out on the sofa each night can certainly dull romantic excitement. More often than not, the person drinking or using drugs doesn’t think she has a serious problem.

When the person is confronted about the drinking or drug use, a standard comeback is “I’m not an alcoholic (or druggie) because I can stop anytime I want to.” This is called denial, and many marriages have been wrecked because of it. For there to be any glimmer of hope that the marriage can be salvaged, the spouse with the addiction must be motivated and willing to seek help.

In an ideal world, your partner would be able to tell you in a clear, coherent fashion what his experience in the marriage has been, at what point his feelings for you changed, and why. If your spouse can do this, you’re fortunate.

Since people vary in their depth of self-understanding and the ability to communicate feelings, you may have more difficulty in getting immediate answers to your questions. And your spouse may still be trying to put all of the pieces together himself. When he says he doesn’t know why his feelings have changed, he may be telling the truth.

You may never know everything involved in your partner’s shift from being in love with you to not wanting to be in the marriage, but it’s important to understand what’s happened as much as possible. That’s where counseling can help.

You can tell your spouse that whether your marriage makes it or not, you need to process what has happened and take responsibility for your part. State that it will be really difficult and painful for you if the two of you end your marriage without even trying marriage counseling.

Your goal in entering counseling is to learn more about yourself and your partner, to improve your relationship skills, and to buy time for the marriage while you tackle the problems. That puts you in the best position to explore why the embers of love have died and to see if they can be fanned into flames once again.

Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-creator of Overcome Control Conflict with Your Spouse or Partner, available at www.ControllingSpouse.com. She is also co-author of Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says “I dont love you anymore!” which is available at http://www.KeepYourMarriage.com, as well as a free weekly Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine. Dr. Wasson offers telephone and email coaching to individuals and couples

If you’d like to discover more about overcoming marriage problems to have a successful and happy marriage, then I highly recommend “Save My Marriage Today!” which you can get today by clicking here.

What if I told you there was a secret to you being happy, attractive, popular, successful, understanding, in control, loving, and satisfied? What if I told you that you could get all these benefits plus more by learning a single skill?

It sounds almost too good to be true.

The skill that will give you these benefits is effective communication. In fact, the benefits of communication are too big to list here because communication enhances so many aspects of your life. Rudyard Kipling said “Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind.” Guess what? Communication goes beyond words so imagine how powerful it is now?

Here are a list of communication benefits and what, why, and how this amazing skill will definitely change your life:

Gives you happiness – You’ve probably heard money can’t buy happiness. This is true. You become happy by taking the right actions. Think about it. Happiness is at the core of the actions you take. The actions you make are not happiness itself but create and surround happiness. By taking action on developing yourself, you become happier. Effective communication skills make you happier by having joyous relationships, reduces anger of both parties talking, correctly express yourself, and other reasons.

Makes you attractive – The law of attraction states that you are a living magnet. You attract the people and resources in your life based on your internal self. Get excited because you do have invisible forces that draw and repel people. This isn’t mystical mumbo jumbo. There are many earthling factors such as communication and self development that you can control to attract people in your life. Communication goes way beyond verbal and non-verbal language. It is also the self development aspects such as confidence that create effective communication.

You become intimate – How do people become open in a relationship? Good communication of course because it is the only “bridge” between a relationship. Intimacy is about both people being open in a relationship. It is only through intimacy that a couple is able to know each other thoroughly.

More loving – This ties in with intimacy. You can be more loving towards your family by not only correctly communicating to them, but also through receiving their communication by using active listening skills. Showing interest in someone’s live will reciprocate to you interest and love.

Increased popularity – While a primary goal of mine in teaching others communication isn’t to make them the best known and most liked person in their school/town/club, it is rather increasing your popularity or likeability of the people you know now. However, effective communication can definitely make you popular amongst others because your conversational skills and friendliness will sky rocket.

More successful – John Johanson and Carrie Fried in the 2002 Teaching of Psychology Journal, asked graduates what their most useful skill was. The number one answer was interpersonal skills. Drew Appleby in a well known psychology magazine “Eye on Psi Chi” asked what job skills 39 employers desire in hiring people. Interpersonal skills were number one again. In fact, Brian Tracy (world renowned personal business consultant) in “Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life” says the highest paid form of intelligence in the United States is interpersonal intelligence. A person with such intelligence understands other’s feelings and desires, and employers are willing to pay for someone with these skills.

Relaxed – Stress is related to how we manage ourselves with the outside world. You can become more relaxed by assertively telling someone “no” if they ask you to do something you do not want to do. Also, by developing your communication and self using the techniques I teach in my newsletter, you learn to manage your emotions and thoughts to control stressful experiences.

Satisfied – You receive satisfaction when you get what you want. To get what you want, either someone gives it to you, or you get it for yourself. You cannot control what someone gives you (although you can influence), which means to become satisfied you must do it yourself or learn to relate to others. By developing your communication and self, you grow as a person enhancing your skills and creating satisfaction.

Self control – We interact with people everyday and often do things we later wish we hadn’t done. By developing self understanding (very important part in communication) as taught in my newsletter, you develop self control. Controlling yourself isn’t limited to stopping yourself from doing actions, but it also ‘controls’ you to do the right things.

Understand others – As you know, how we feel towards someone is all about our emotions. What often happens is you do not understand the person and their current emotions so you misunderstand them, respond inappropriately, or don’t know how they feel. By using effective communication you learn to read another person’s emotions, understand another person’s emotions, and communicate about another person’s emotions.

Understand yourself – I’m going to say this straight. If you are like most people, you do not understand yourself to your potential and it unknowingly to you hurts your life. Do you know why you behave the way you do? Do you always know what feelings you have? Why do you experience anger towards someone you love? This is why self understanding is so important in communication.

There are an abundance of further benefits to effective communication such as anger management, increased likelihood of receiving a job promotion, more persuasion, better leadership skills, and the list goes on. Hopefully now you can see the true power of communication. Let effective communication change your life today.

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Joshua Uebergang is owner of EarthlingCommunication.com where he teaches people effective communication and personal development. His work is recognised by communication, personal development, and psychology experts, authors, and public speakers. He encourages you to get the amazing benefits you can receive in your life by developing yourself and communication skills by getting your free subscription to his effective communication skills and self development newsletter by clicking here. Signup now and receive a special bonus.

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The art of conversation really is a wonderful skill; the simple skills to keep a conversation alive can be the deciding factor to how successful you are going to be.

Starting a conversation and maintaining a conversation really are two separate factors. As with anything there is a start, middle and an end.

Below are some tips that will help you to keep any conversation alive:

1. Don’t be a conversational bully. Avoid making people feel as if they are forced to listen to what you have to say. Shouting and raising your voice won’t get you listened to. It will just frustrate you and the other party involved.

2. Learn the difference between conversation and speech. These are 2 very simple things to get mixed up on, whilst giving a speech you are being listened to. When one is having a conversation then 2 parties are involved! A conversation is word exchanges between 2 or more people.

3. Don’t shy away from phone calls. A lot of people shy away from phone calls don’t hide when the phone rings its great practice for talking face to face.

4. Questions are the key. Yes keep the conversation a drift and flowing with questions! Questions are excellent for making the conversation continue. Even if you are really fed with the topics just act as if you are interested by generating questions.

Some excellent questions for keeping the conversation afloat are:

Who?
What?
Where?
Why?
When?
How?
Really?
Is it?
Do you like…?

These suggestions might seem rather random; however try them out in a test run and see the results.

5. Don’t be boring. If you are on a date and need to impress, then being boring is a big no-no! You won’t even know when you’re boring the other party. Try to avoid subjects that are all about you: how you are good because you did something etc.

6. Perhaps you will feel tempted to brag or turn the tables and start talking about you ex girlfriend or boyfriend. On a date this is a crime; you really can’t do this.

7. Talk about the other person. A great way to keep the conversation going is to talk about the person that you are talking to! Pay an interest into their upbringing, social values, and way of life. If you show interest to the other person then the conversation will never die!

8. Be interested but don’t be nosy. Know your limits, gossiping and extracting information from people with nosy behavior is extremely frustrating. You most certainly won’t be getting a fan club by behaving in this manner. People won’t want to merge in conversation with you again. Nosiness and gossiping is the final wave to a healthy conversation flow.

9. Don’t pretend. Learn when the subject of conversation isn’t something that you’re comfortable or familiar with then politely change the subject; pretending that you are interested in something and know about that thing, is a recipe for failure.

10. Be lively. Talk with energy and incorporate fresh new topics to the conversation. Talk about recent news flashes, what’s happening in the world. For example if you start a conversation on the topic of politics, it’s sure not to end anytime soon!

You should feel privileged with the gift of talking. Don’t build up barriers and unnecessary obstacles to stop you from words of conversation. If you follow the above tips then you will notice improvements in no time at all. Conversation should be fun, to interact with people and to engage in talk is a way of life. Once you can talk and keep a conversation going, you can be sure that you will be able to maintain good relations with friend and relatives.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because it is available for a limited time only at: communication skills.

The worse thing in the world is to feel controlled and manipulated. Each waking day, our minds are challenged by forces that try to identify and dictates to us what we need to do. Whether we know it or not, the forces of manipulation and control are always at work even before we get out of bed in the morning.

As soon as we turn on the morning show to watch a little T.V. before we go to work, we are always dealing with control. There will always be influences that try to get you to give up a piece if your mental sovereignty. It’s like the famous saying… “A mind is a terrible thing to waste!” The issue and elements of control and domination is an element of life that people battle with on a daily basis.

Nothing is more challenging than putting up with people who have power and control issues. This is one of the mysteries of life, which is, how does this kind of behavior exist in human beings and how can this behavior be corrected to advance the world into better relationships between countries, families, friends and strangers. The answer is not an easy one.

Controlling behavior and people kill relationships and can actually cause angst and anxiety. Here in America, it can also be linked to status and social problems.

People who are controlling are actually fearful and scared. To them, it’s easier to go the route of controlling people instead of dealing with people from a level of self respect and dignity. To them, having a controlling attitude saves energy and time. These people have visions of acting like an all powerful God with an overruling dominance over the lives of others. Life, to them is no sweat when giving the commands rather then receiving them.

Gangs such as the Crips and the Bloods use the art of psychological control to intimidate weaker members of the gang and enemies of the gang. Controlling people violates the moral code of others without any respect to their human nature yet people allow them to continue to control.

Most of us are controlled on a subliminal level. There are mechanisms that were created to separate you from your money (loud television ads), national gossip magazines and journals (junk food for the mind) and other things that invade your peace of being. The result is a reaction to being controlled with trying to become controlling in our own lives. The result is negative.

All emotional and verbal abuse is looking for an element to control. It’s like a negative energy attaching itself to a positive energy only in a controlling atmosphere; it drains the life out of you. All people want the edge in life and they will use control and manipulation to get what they want. We’ve been taught materialism and capitalism promotes status. How wrong we are!

Behavior that attempts to control you – regardless of the intensity – breaches your emotional borders and becomes abuse.

Being used or using others in this level of abuse is more than the obvious problems. Bullying takes effect when someone is called a name or made fun of. It also is part of things such as temper tantrums. On more obvious levels, this abuse can be seen in forms of physical violence that is used to intimidate others. Intimidation and bullying can even take place at higher levels, where individuals will use their status to place themselves above others. Despite what many have come to believe, control and abuse have become a part of culture on several levels.

Subtle controllers, subtle manipulators

Emotionally mature people raise children with respect for the lives of others, dignity, self worth while making others around them feel comfortable. These people do not show their children how to hate, intimidate and control others that are different from them or others that they might want to use as a crutch for their emotions.

Subtle controllers can be the worst because they basically don’t talk at all but you can see their disposition in their actions towards people or another person. These are the individuals that you never want to ho to help for because they will hold it over you for 100 years or more and they will, in essence, try to control their relationship with you via money and materialism.

These types of people seem to be okay on the outside but on the inside of their heart, they are full of deceit and lying. Their type of behavior comes on display after the light is turned on in your mind and sometimes our minds are sending us messages that we fail to listen to.

A relationship or friendship with a controller is always unhealthy and will take eventually, lead to the person being controlled, seeking counseling for their problem. When you feel off balance and that you don’t have the freedom to be you or feel that something is rotten in Denmark, then it’s time to check and getting rid of situations that are fully of trouble and contempt.

Self Check Analysis – What goes around comes around

Sometimes, we can be controlling and not know it. If you do have that problem, consider these things:

• Am I sincere in what I’m thinking or doing?
• Am I trying to hold someone hostage?
• Am I being prejudiced?
• Do I hate the person for no reason at all?

You know what goes around, comes around. I am a firm believer in Universal Law and karma. The karma will follow you like a wet blanket until you realize that you have to be baptized into all truth. This truth is the truth about ourselves. Once we are baptized into the higher knowledge of divine knowledge of the soul, then a person has a chance to learn and grow within themselves.

Protecting Yourself from Controlling Behavior

The damage of being controlled even once by someone will persist as long as you remain in the presence is having active communication with the person. Even if the person has perceived to be changed, they could pretty much be the same lame person that they were before and even lamer this time around!

Keep yourself free from these people and you’ll see your environment and health improve.

Joshua Uebergang gives people free interpersonal relationship advice. His work is recognised by communication, personal development, and psychology experts, authors, and public speakers. Signup now to his free newsletter at: http://www.free-relationship-advice.org and receive a special bonus that will help you get great relationships.

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Everyone has their own different style of parenting that fits their family and their situation. It all depends on background, tradition and culture or how an individual goes about in dealing with the personality of the child or children. One thing is for sure and that is the fact that there is no instruction manual that comes with parenting. A lot of it is on-the-job-training.

Family Psychologists have identified four types of parent styles which are:

• permissive
• authoritative
• authoritarian
• uninvolved

The permissive, authoritative, and authoritarian styles are a spectrum of parenting styles and throughout the life of a child, a parent may stick to one style of may go through all of the styles at different phases of the child’s upbringing. Authoritarian parents are at one end of the ledger and this brand of parenting usually focuses on a structural environment with minimal responsiveness and communication.

On the other end of the spectrum are permissive parents which I call “in the red”. This parenting style has low behavioral structure but a high responsiveness. I think that permissive parenting is the worse not unless you have a child that has high self discipline which in America is hard because of the mentality of society that hypes success and peer pressure. Children that usually have their own way end up on a path of destructive behavior.

If you are not involved with your children, you are giving up your role as a parent. Children who are approached by the permissiveness will often feel abandoned because of this style. The result is children who grow up with low self-esteem, problems with trust and with continuous thoughts that they are not liked. In the long run the children are harmed emotionally but psychologists are now finding out that some parts of uninvolved parenting can actually be turned around benefit the child, providing them with insight and an ability to make decisions that are more solid than their counterparts.

Authoritative parenting tends to be located in the middle of the ledger, and is a balanced parenting style. It’s really a give and take situation in which all parties have equal input and come up with the best solutions as how to act and handle certain situations. It can be the most rewarding of them all if the environment is balanced. It doesn’t take a mother and a father to make this successful. That is a desirable trait but more Americans are getting divorced than ever before and the authoritative style of parenting seems to work in those situations.

Authoritative parents are the type that will work continuously to meet their children half-way. This means that at one end, they establish a relationship that provides nurturing responses to build the child’s self-esteem. However, this doesn’t develop into passive parenting, or a relationship that develops into a ‘friendship style.’ There are still expectations for the children to do specific things, follow the rules of the household and to develop the necessary disciplines to be effective in their life. The result is a balanced way of teaching children how to approach situations in their life. While this style of parenting is known to be one of the most difficult, it is also the most effective.

One of the important concepts to link to authoritative parenting is the ability to establish policies that are effective in the household. The major trick to this is to make sure that there is room to move within these policies. For example, if you have asked your child to clean their room, but something occurs that stops them from this, you can change the policy just enough to help adjust under the circumstances. These adjustments may be because of personalities or simply because something has happened. The balance is to create rules that every child understands, but not to make them so rigid that a child is not able to gain their own independence. The result is a two-way relationship, based off of clear communication and an understanding of what is acceptable.

If you are working towards this method, you can do specific things to ensure its success. For example, if you have asked that something is done, but the child rebels, you can help them to develop by asking them why and allowing them a place to speak before the rule is changed. This will give you the flexibility that you need in order to help your child develop while keeping an understanding that the rules are the foundation of the household. More than anything, it is important that the parents not only develop this flexibility, but also follow by the rules of the household themselves. Providing an example for the children creates a communication and understanding that the rules of the house are balanced and fair.

Another practical step to creating an authoritative household is to build a structure. Setting rules and limits that are the foundation of the household is the beginning to this. The child should learn that if they don’t follow these actions, there will be consequences. This can further be developed by setting schedules and organization for the children. This will provide them with a support system that builds into stability and discipline. Even though this may seem harsh, it actually creates a sense of security for the children, as well as an overall better environment. Children want to feel stable by having set rules that they can work with. They also want to know that these rules can be questioned and talked about.

The thin line between authoritative parenting and other parenting is that there is room to move. If there is a question about the schedules and organization, the children will have the right to approach their parents about these questions. The parents, in turn, will not ignore them or punish them for asking, but will respond and value the voice that is being heard. This allows children to feel safe with their own independence. At the same time, parents have a direct understanding that the children are developing ways to speak about their emotions and ideas, meaning that it is important to listen to.

In the end, both the child’s side and the parent’s sides are spoken about. The decisions that are made from this are made as a collective whole. While the children have a place that allows for independence and changes in the rules, the parents will also have an input that describes why certain ideals are in place in the household. This will create a balanced relationship with communicating what is being felt on both sides, leaving the final decisions with complete understanding of what is happening.

Authoritative parenting is based on the idea of communicating as a team. There is room for both discipline and independence. Children are able to develop emotionally and with their ideas and parents are able to balance out the rules of the household. Everyone is able to develop with their personalities and ideals, creating a safe place for the entire family.

If you’re reading this right now and you’d like to learn more great parenting tips and strategies for raising happy children who have great relationships with you, then I highly recommend “Positive Parenting” which you can get today by clicking here.

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Joshua Uebergang can give you more great parenting advice and tips for improving your relationships with your children.