Dealing with Controlling People
The worse thing in the world is to feel controlled and manipulated. Each waking day, our minds are challenged by forces that try to identify and dictates to us what we need to do. Whether we know it or not, the forces of manipulation and control are always at work even before we get out of bed in the morning.
As soon as we turn on the morning show to watch a little T.V. before we go to work, we are always dealing with control. There will always be influences that try to get you to give up a piece if your mental sovereignty. It’s like the famous saying… “A mind is a terrible thing to waste!” The issue and elements of control and domination is an element of life that people battle with on a daily basis.
Nothing is more challenging than putting up with people who have power and control issues. This is one of the mysteries of life, which is, how does this kind of behavior exist in human beings and how can this behavior be corrected to advance the world into better relationships between countries, families, friends and strangers. The answer is not an easy one.
Controlling behavior and people kill relationships and can actually cause angst and anxiety. Here in America, it can also be linked to status and social problems.
People who are controlling are actually fearful and scared. To them, it’s easier to go the route of controlling people instead of dealing with people from a level of self respect and dignity. To them, having a controlling attitude saves energy and time. These people have visions of acting like an all powerful God with an overruling dominance over the lives of others. Life, to them is no sweat when giving the commands rather then receiving them.
Gangs such as the Crips and the Bloods use the art of psychological control to intimidate weaker members of the gang and enemies of the gang. Controlling people violates the moral code of others without any respect to their human nature yet people allow them to continue to control.
Most of us are controlled on a subliminal level. There are mechanisms that were created to separate you from your money (loud television ads), national gossip magazines and journals (junk food for the mind) and other things that invade your peace of being. The result is a reaction to being controlled with trying to become controlling in our own lives. The result is negative.
All emotional and verbal abuse is looking for an element to control. It’s like a negative energy attaching itself to a positive energy only in a controlling atmosphere; it drains the life out of you. All people want the edge in life and they will use control and manipulation to get what they want. We’ve been taught materialism and capitalism promotes status. How wrong we are!
Behavior that attempts to control you - regardless of the intensity - breaches your emotional borders and becomes abuse.
Being used or using others in this level of abuse is more than the obvious problems. Bullying takes effect when someone is called a name or made fun of. It also is part of things such as temper tantrums. On more obvious levels, this abuse can be seen in forms of physical violence that is used to intimidate others. Intimidation and bullying can even take place at higher levels, where individuals will use their status to place themselves above others. Despite what many have come to believe, control and abuse have become a part of culture on several levels.
Subtle controllers, subtle manipulators
Emotionally mature people raise children with respect for the lives of others, dignity, self worth while making others around them feel comfortable. These people do not show their children how to hate, intimidate and control others that are different from them or others that they might want to use as a crutch for their emotions.
Subtle controllers can be the worst because they basically don’t talk at all but you can see their disposition in their actions towards people or another person. These are the individuals that you never want to ho to help for because they will hold it over you for 100 years or more and they will, in essence, try to control their relationship with you via money and materialism.
These types of people seem to be okay on the outside but on the inside of their heart, they are full of deceit and lying. Their type of behavior comes on display after the light is turned on in your mind and sometimes our minds are sending us messages that we fail to listen to.
A relationship or friendship with a controller is always unhealthy and will take eventually, lead to the person being controlled, seeking counseling for their problem. When you feel off balance and that you don’t have the freedom to be you or feel that something is rotten in Denmark, then it’s time to check and getting rid of situations that are fully of trouble and contempt.
Self Check Analysis – What goes around comes around
Sometimes, we can be controlling and not know it. If you do have that problem, consider these things:
- Am I sincere in what I’m thinking or doing?
- Am I trying to hold someone hostage?
- Am I being prejudiced?
- Do I hate the person for no reason at all?
You know what goes around, comes around. I am a firm believer in Universal Law and karma. The karma will follow you like a wet blanket until you realize that you have to be baptized into all truth. This truth is the truth about ourselves. Once we are baptized into the higher knowledge of divine knowledge of the soul, then a person has a chance to learn and grow within themselves.
Protecting Yourself from Controlling Behavior
The damage of being controlled even once by someone will persist as long as you remain in the presence is having active communication with the person. Even if the person has perceived to be changed, they could pretty much be the same lame person that they were before and even lamer this time around!
Keep yourself free from these people and you’ll see your environment and health improve.
Joshua Uebergang gives people free interpersonal relationship advice. His work is recognised by communication, personal development, and psychology experts, authors, and public speakers. Signup now to his free newsletter at: http://www.free-relationship-advice.org and receive a special bonus that will help you get great relationships.
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By Joshua • Permalink • Leave a Comment »
Solomon Sasson says:
Joshua Uebergang, Hi.
My name is Solomon. And I read the article above and your advice, and I want to thank you for them very much. So thanks a lot, friend.
I have a controlling (elder) sister. She is also married to a guy who is just like her and maybe worse even. Still, my sister is the “scheming” one among the two.
Countless times in my life, I’ve been in fights with her and her husband, because they’ve not respected my personal boundaries, my opinions and choices. Time and again, they’ve brought criticism, hurt and heartache into my life. Often, they hurt my self esteem by taking blows at my self-worth.
Like you stated above, I’d forgiven them many times in the past, and “patched” things together… but, like a broken record, they continued behaving in thier controlling manner and repeating their bad behavior.
I agree you you, Sir. I think NOT being with these people is the best course. It is too much of an emotional struggle and too much emotional drain, to constantly deal with such people, who give off only “unhealthy vibes” towards others and keep doing so.
You know, when a controlling person is your boss, or your friend or some aqquiantance, I guess, it’s easier. You can (choose to) leave the job or end the friendship.
But what do you do, when the controlling people are from one’s OWN family? That hurts even more, in my opinion.
I’ve come to the conclusion, that being in any sort of relationship with my controlling sister and her husband, simply costs too much. They’ve brought unhealthiness into my life, too often.
It’s no easy life anyway. Controlling people just make even more difficult. I’ve now read a couple of articles in the net about how to deal with control freaks. But, I do sincerly think, that the best advice is that which says to not be in connection with these types of people.
With my experiences, I agree with this advice.
Thank you for the advice, my friend.
I think this should be shared with many people, who are suffering and being hurt at the hands of controlling people.
Thank you, brother.
Yours sincerly, Solomon.
Wednesday, 15 October 2008 @ 4:41am