“Oh but Kemo, why would a gorgeous girl have such a stuck-up attitude?!”. Please picture this: You are a hot chick. You are getting approached by guys every single day. Each one has their lame pickup lines, like “hey beautiful” or “did it hurt when you fell from heaven?” or “can I buy you a drink?”. What a bunch of wimps. You get this all of the time so you dismiss these guys as losers. They don’t have any value to you because all they do is kiss your ass, so you put up a stuck-up shield to brush them all off. Yes, I know what you are thinking… But taking down this shield isn’t that tough, and it can be done using neg hits.

Here is a little example of how to use them… A couple nights ago, I was at a party. I’m hanging out and I see this gorgeous girl, a 9/10. She would have been a 10, but her face was slightly pink and sunburned. She definitely had her stuck-up shields on. At first I didn’t even talk to her, I was having fun at the party, and I started telling a couple stories to a small group of people. Eventually I had a good crowd of about 8-10 people listening to me, laughing their asses off. I was already demonstrating my value, and predictably, she came over to see who I was.

I didn’t acknowledge her till in the middle of my story. I was talking about this mildly entertaining redneck woman, and right in the middle of telling how useless this woman’s bra was (it is actually a funny story, I’ll have it posted on my site later) and I noticed that the hottie was wearing a belt but it wasn’t going through her belt loops, it was just sitting there. So I made the analogy that the bra was just as useless as her belt was. People were laughing at her. It was ok though, she was smiling and laughin’ like “yea ok”. Her stuck-up shields were lowered a bit. SHE asked MY name, and I told her and asked hers. Then I continued.

I finished my story, and I was about to say something, but then stopped. I don’t even remember what I was going to say, but I guess I thought it over and said “bad idea”. Haha, unfortunately I wasn’t a fast enough thinker because I made a face like I was about to say something and then stopped… Right afterward I made eye contact with her. She instantly goes “what were you going to say!” I realize I can easily use this with the trick where you say “I gotta tell you something, but I’ll do it later”. I refuse to tell her, and after a little bit of playful arguing, I leave to go talk to other people.

Later in the night, she finds me again and asks me what I was going to say. I still refuse to tell her, and we keep going back and forth with it and she’s hittin’ my arm tryin’ to get me to tell her. Then some guy tries to CB me by saying “oh he’s playing hard to get, he really wants to get in your pants”. He spoke the truth. Still, I start laughing at him and go “haha really a guy like me with a girl like her”. She started laughing and hit me and goes “You jerk!”. It was all good though.

Finally I decide enough is enough. I say “you really wanna know?” and she goes “yes!”. I pull her aside and say softly “Well I just wanted you to know.. that your face is the cutest.. shade of pink in this whole party”. You should have seen her face, it got even redder (in case you don’t remember, she was sunburned). It was funny as shit though, and she ate it all up. I don’t wanna make this article on negs a field report, but soon after that I got her number.

So there is your field example of negs in use. You got to be careful though, because some girls (9s and 10s) can take more neg hits than some other girls (7s and 8s). You also don’t want to insult her. Saying “you’re a slut” is probably also something she gets a lot from angry girls and guys, so it won’t affect her as much as an original neg hit. Here are some examples of neg hits (seriously guys, I’m straight up telling you what to say, you can thank me later).

“Hey, sorry to bother you but I just wanted to talk to the prettiest girl in the room..(pause for effect).. she’s all the way over there, so I figure I’ll practice on you first.” – My personal favorite.

“Nice nails, are they real?” when she says no you can say “Oh….well I guess they are alright then…”.

“You have the cutest little mustache!” – Oh god be careful with this, I tried it 3 times. The first one was PERFECT. The next 2 were not pretty. Taking a break with it, haha…

“You walk funny” I don’t know why, but women just can’t stand (and by can’t stand, I mean LOVE) being told this and get self conscious. It is definitely funny though.

“You talk funny” See above.

Then there is situational ones. If you see her wearing ripped up jeans, you can ask her if she was too cheap to pay for the good jeans. Or like how I did with the girl and her belt, questioning why she did that.

What ever you do, don’t ever go back to your AFC wimpy ways. She may try to get you to by saying something for you to compliment her after you’ve negged her a lot. Like “this shirt makes me look fat, doesn’t it?” For this, all you would do is look at her belly for a second, and look right in her eye and say “Well at least you still have your personality..” Bam, just like that. Hot girls don’t need compliments, they get them enough. You guys get the idea.

There’s so many ways you can neg a girl, I can’t really fit everything in here. Read other articles on C&F and Teasing to get the idea of what to do. Good luck pimping guys, and just remember, she isn’t the prize, you are!

I’m Kemo, an admin at http://www.overnightplayer.com – The home of seduction an attraction! The website is owned and operated by experts in the field of attracting and seducing women. If you liked the article, check out our site for more.

If you’re reading this right now and would like to expand your skillset for attracting women, then I highly recommend you get Magic Bullets by Savoy. It is a hardcore online book you can be reading within minutes where the world’s best pick-up artists breakdown everything a guy can do to go from starting a conversation too get a woman into the bedroom. Check it out by clicking here today.

But over the last few months, my attitude has changed. I’ve actually found that adopting an “alpha attitude” is crucial towards attracting women. In fact, the guys who do best with women arent necessarily jocks; theyre just the ones who are assertive, ambitious, confident and clever: in short, they are decidedly alpha.

What transformed my perception? Well, it was a best friend who taught me-mans best friend, to be exact. My attitude changed as a result of none other than learning about dog training. Alpha-dog training, to be exact.

Here’s what I discovered: As dogs today are still pack animals, with the same instincts as “a pack of wolves,” its important for dog owners to behave like the “Alpha”, or leader, of the group. In the wild, dogs would follow a structure, and in the absence of a solid “alpha” leader, the “betas” and “omegas” of the pack would rebel. So as a dog owner, if you dont make it clear to the dog that YOU are the leader-by eating first, going through doorways first, etc.-it’s all over from there: these wolf-like creatures are going to do the complete opposite of what you tell them to, and even become aggressive and untame.

Sounds kind of like what happens if you let girls run all over you, doesn’t it?

However, if you are firm and consistent in asserting yourself as the Alpha of your dogs “pack” (ie, the family household), he will respect you and do what he or she is told. You’ll avoid so many problems, just by taking the time to show a dog that YOU are the boss.

Because, much like women, dogs WANT someone who’s in control. They don’t want to have take up the role of leader themselves. They’ll actually love you more when you walk around with pride and confidence.

There’s more we can apply to female attraction from alpha dog training. When a low-ranking dog rebels against the “top dog,” successful dog trainers do the same things alpha wolves do in the wild: they ignore the dog for a couple days, until it comes back apologetic and willing to do what it is told. If the dog acts well upon return, he is rewarded and given the socialization and attention he needs.

As youll learn below, you can use this same principles towards ladies you meet at a bar or club.

Of course, you can’t go overboard. A dog that obeys out of fear does not behave as well as a dog who behaves out of respect. In fact, it’s been found that being too assertive and physical with a dog will only lead to aggressive and reckless behaviors. So it pays to be firm, but not brutal. Just like with the ladies-you want to be confident and assertive, but not arrogant and mean.

Here are some more benefits to carrying “alpha attitude” around the ladies:

* By asserting yourself as the leader-someone to be respected, not feared-you gain peoples respect. As I said, females dont want to have to adopt male leadership themselves; they just want to be around someone whos not afraid to be a stand-up, assertive kind of man. But let me be clear: women dont want an insecure guy who feels he has to act macho and sexist to get his buddies approval, like so many jocks, but a guy who naturally acts confident, and expects people to show him respect. Thats what youre aiming for, and thats what women who are worth your time want.

* Conversely, by being the “follower” instead of the “followed,” people, especially girls, will treat you as what you present: someone whos not a leader, someone who’s NOT confident, tough, and full of power; in short, someone whos not full of value. You get what you give, so its up to you to GIVE a lot!

* When a girl, particularly one you’ve just met at a bar or any social venue, treats you with disrespect, its up to you, as the “alpha male,” to ignore her. Shut her out, move on, and shell eventually come back to you the same way a dog would: with her tail between her legs, apologetic, and hungry for your respect. But dont address her until youre sure you have her respect, otherwise youre allowing her to “move up the pack,” which, as with dogs, will only create future problems.

This actually goes to show why guys who ignore girls, get more than those who dote on them and act needy. Its all evolutionary.

* Conversely, when a girl treats you well, gives you love, and yes, does as shes told (though Im not suggesting you guys bark out commands!), you must treat HER with respect. This especially applies to girlfriends, but also a girl you’ve only known or dated shortly: Show your thanks, show your appreciation, the same way an alpha leader would display love and affection upon a well-behaved canine.

* You can even apply the alpha dog training to dates. Since the alpha leader eats first, chooses what to eat, and eats the biggest portions, YOU must decide where to eat on a date (dont let her choose the restaurant!), you mustnt be afraid to eat first (although social conventions do dictate that we must wait for both our plates to be served!), and you should get the best bites. If youre splitting a piece of cheesecake, for example, dont be afraid to dig in and get the best portion! The girl will actually respect you for it, much more so than if you bashfully gave up the best piece to her. Again, retain your position as the “top dog.”

* Finally, you have to show that youre an alpha not just one-on-one, but also in groups. An alpha wolf doesn’t gain his position by submitting to others in the pack; he asserts himself in front of others and makes it known that he’s the leader. That doesn’t mean you treat your buddies and strangers like crap; it just means you dont let them push you around. In short, you must be what the guy I think has the whole “alpha attitude” down pat, Carlos Xuma, calls “being a stand-up guy.” That means standing up for yourself , AND standing up for your girl, by not taking crap from anyone. You dont have to be a jock to let people know they cant push you around.

Quite the contrary. Xuma knows that in order to be big, youve gotta THINK big, and he does this himself by adopting alpha characteristics. What are some great alpha characteristics? In his Secrets to Becoming the Alpha Man course, Xuma rattles off a number of them, including being:

- Clever/smart/cunning
- Ambitious
- Excited
- Honorable
- Dominant (not aggressive, but demonstrating superior social skills)
- Stable
- Fit (healthy lifestyle)
- Curious
- Balanced
- Natural

Doesn’t sound like you? No worries. With Xumas course you can learn how to NATURALLY become the leader. It all starts with attitude. Carlos teaches some fascinating, real-life subjects like:

Qualification: The Essence of Alpha Attitude
REAL Game Philosophy
Three Winning Attitudes to Impress Women
5 Things to Never Talk About with Women
The Keys to Dating Success
Motivating Yourself to Get More Girls
How Even Geeks Can Get 10s with Alpha Attitude
What Bad Boys Have That Nice Guys Dont

I highly recommend trying Xuma out. You can start with his free mini-course and newsletter, and see how you like it. I personally find it fascinating and down-to-earth gritty.

In short, it pays to be alpha. The best part is, You dont have to be a football player to do it. The lasting reward is feeling good about yourself, and getting the girls all the other alpha males get. Whats wrong with that?

James Brito, bestselling author of “How to Be Irresistible to Women”, regularly explores topics of female attraction. Since 2000, he has helped thousands of men around the world build confidence and get the women they deserve. To get his free six-part audio mini-course, visit: http://www.000relationships.com/towomen/

If you’re reading this right now and you’d like to become an alpha male that easily and rapidly attracts beautiful women, then I recommend you read “How to Become an Alpha Male” by clicking here today.

Put simply, we just happen to desire social acceptance more than anything else that does not physically keep us alive. We want our family to be proud of us, our friends and acquaintances to respect and include us, and the rest of the world to desire us.

What’s the opposite of acceptance? Rejection. And that’s what we’re afraid of.

I’m going to give you some powerful techniques to eradicate this fear’s hold on your life, but before that, I want to discuss the root of this in depth for you.

We’re going to call a girl or group not being interested as something other than “rejection” or “getting rejected.” After all, you didn’t get rejected. Your approach did. If you went in differently, the reaction would have been different. We’re going to call it “getting blown out” or a “blow-out.” This is because while the set didn’t know enough about you to reject you personally, they did express that they wanted to end the interaction.

Your use of words is very important. A good friend of mine is fond of saying, “The first set of the night is always murder.” Now if you’re equating talking to a girl with someone ending your life, of course you will be more than a little hesitant to make that first approach! Anthony Robbins has set up a whole system on how to use your word choice to better your life. I won’t get into it here, but in short, minimize your negative word usage, especially if you’re describing something that’s necessary for you. If you say “Going to the gym is a royal pain in the ass,” you probably won’t make it there very often. However, if you say “Getting to the gym consistently is a challenge,” it’s a lot more likely you’ll rise to the occasion. So to sum up, I NEVER want to hear you say “I got rejected.”

While word choice is important, a bigger issue that holds the outcome of the set. In other words, you are giving two girls thirty seconds to give a full evaluation of your value as a person and judge you accordingly. That’s a lot of power to give someone you’ve never met before.

There’s only three reasons an approach might not go well for me:

1) My game wasn’t good enough at this point to handle this particular situation

2) My game was good enough, but I made a mistake in this particular situation

3) There were extenuating circumstances that prevented success, despite that I ran a good set.

That’s it. There are no possibilities for why it can go wrong.

In my years in the game, I’ve met plenty of people that make their living teaching men how to pick-up women. These men pick-up beautiful women right in front of their students, sometimes on video-tape. Some of these guys, if you saw them, would blow your mind because they are not attractive by any standards. They have huge guts, often are balding, sometimes pasty white, and sometimes pretty short and frail. This is a hard thing to accept until you’re actually seen this, but you definitely do not need to be good looking to attract women. The point I’m trying to make is:

YOUR LOOKS ARE NOT WHAT GETS YOU BLOWN OUT.

Your game is the problem; not your looks, not your value. It’s completely dependent on your social skill-set.

When Tyler Durden makes an approach that doesn’t go well (which does happen even for the masters), he says it affects him as emotionally as if he was shooting hoops and had his hand crooked on the basketball and missed.

So you have basically three options to consider. You may have been socially miscalibrated and messed up a set you could have done well. So you learn from your mistake. It also might have been a too difficult set for you to win at this point in your learning curve. You still get mad props for going for it and you are no doubt better because you did go for it. The people that get great at pick-up constantly approach sets out of their comfort zones, where instant success is unlikely. It might be a go-go dancer swinging around a pole. It may be a beautiful girl surrounded by 7 guys. It may be a celebrity. When you’re higher in your learning curve, you’ll be able to own that set.

Until then, it’s only practice.

A great PUA named Hoobie once said that “Every failure is a brick in my palace.” I would change that to “Every approach is a brick in my palace.” The latter is more accurate, because every attempt you make at a pickup, it adds to your cumulative experience.

And of course there are situations where the set-up is precarious at best and it is near impossible to actually win the set. If a group of girls are having a girl’s night out for a friend who’s husband just cheated on her, they’re going to be giving her 100% of their attention and putting guys to the side for the night. There’s no way you would ever know that, so just be open to the possibility. This is not to say you should excuse yourself every time a set doesn’t go well. You can’t always say “She must have been married.” You still have personal accountability. Just let the possibility that it was an impossible set be open in the back of your mind.

Now here are some specific techniques for consistently getting approaches done each night:

· Make it a MUST that you approach a minimum of 6 sets for the night. That you literally can’t leave til you do it. Make it your goal to get blown out 6 times. Yes, no numbers, no lays, just get blown out. That way when you get blown out you’re closer to your goal.

· If you have a wing, give him 100 dollars. Have him give you 10 dollars back for each approach you do. At the end of the night, he keeps the leftover cash.

· Make it a point to say some outrageous stuff in approaches, stuff you KNOW won’t work. Every third approach or so, I will sometimes use a “fun” approach that I don’t’ expect to work like going up to a group of girls and saying “Are you ready for the big time?”

· A good exercise from Ross Jeffries is to go to a place like a shopping mall or busy street downtown and stop a girl and say “Excuse me, forgive the interruption. I’m Manny Martian. What is your favorite flavored bowling ball?” Now that’s not a pickup attempt, because you were not trying to seduce her. Go do that about 20 times and it should be easier. It may be better to do that one in a major city an hour or so away from where you live for that one.

You have to go BEYOND what a typical approach is before you feel comfortable with a normal approach. Once you say something ridiculous and realize you’re still alive and breathing afterwards, you can laugh it off and it’s a heck of a lot easier to ask a couple women what their opinion is on something.

· FOR NEWBIES ONLY: When you approach, touch the girls before you start talking. Like tap a shoulder. That instigates the “point of no return” signal that let’s you know you’re already in the interaction. When you see a set, go 3-2-1, TAP, and then they’re looking at you and you have to speak. After doing this for a few weeks though, quickly phase it out since it is NOT solid game for a proper pickup.

· Practice seeing women for as they are and not as the demi-gods we make them out to be in the field. If you see a woman in sexy bitch boots, sparkling eye shadow, and shimmering lipstick, of course all you can think of how absolutely wonderful it would be to kiss her. Now look at her and in your head take the lipstick off, as well as the rest of the make-up, and think of how she looks on laundry day. You don’t have to imagine her ugly, but just a bit plainer. That should take it down a notch.

· Lastly, be social in general with women of all shapes and sizes. The more often you talk to women outside of a pick-up session, the more natural it will be to start a conversation with any girl at a bar. Talk to fat, older and unattractive women as well.

You may always feel some jitters your first set of the night, and I know pros who feel that way after 10 years of picking up the most beautiful women. They just plow through despite the initial unpleasant feeling. And thats what a real man does: act in spite of fear, and act in spite of discomfort.

–Dan Tolumbro

[Dan Tolumbro is a dating advice coach for men at http://www.pickupmastery.com. At his site he provides free information on how to meet women in bars without fear and how to take it to the next level.]

If you’re reading this and you’d like to confidently approach women and successfully have them attracted to you, then “The Art of Approaching Women” is exactly what you’re after and you can get it today by clicking here.

More often than not, breaking up is as hard on the person ending the relationship as it is on the person being broken up with. Realize that a person is breaking up has nothing to do with caring about another person. Caring about somebody and wanting a relationship are not the same.

The majority of people on this planet do not like to hurt others, especially somebody they have been close to. Guilt has been used more often than not to keep relationships together. Fight this urge and believe in yourself! When you allow guilt as a way to stop a break up you not only cheat yourself out of having a good and true relationship, you’ll foster resentment towards the other person which could lead to greater pain and heart ache in the future. Why would you want to be with somebody who makes you feel bad by allowing you to feel guilty? Respect yourself!!

A man should exit gracefully by planning the break up, to minimize the grief caused to his partner

Don’t just ignore her hoping she will notice and go away. You might have learned a little bit about push /pull as a term we use in seduction. That only tends to bring somebody in closer. Which is the exact opposite of what you want.

The I think you’re a great girl and I don’t deserve you line will seem ok to her at first, but later on she will start to resent that. She could also go into how you DO deserve her and try to convince you.

Honesty really is the best policy. Treating the relationship, and the person, with respect and dignity helps soften the blow.

When you break up, do it in person. Show some integrity and sincerity to tell her that the relationship isn’t going anywhere. In our workshops we teach how verbal communication is only 7% of the total communication between people. If she also sees closed off body language it will be easier for closure for her eventually.

Telling somebody you are breaking up in person is never easy, but you owe it to her to break the news to her personally. This means not on the phone, definitely not over e-mail, but rather, face to face where she can get eye contact and read your body language. The universal line of “we need to talk” should be given in advance. This allows her to prepare for what is coming and helps soften the blow a little bit. Do not put too much time between the “We need to talk” and actual breakup as the waiting time in between is very uncomfortable if delayed long.

On doing some research on this I read a suggestion about breaking up in the exact same place you met if possible. This is to suggest that the relationship has completed a circle. A place where she has a lot of happy memories might help neutralize some of the new sad ones.

Ending a relationship gracefully means speaking our piece without blame or judgment and not taking responsibility for another’s feelings. It is important to make eye contact, and give body language that is open while you are communicating (which suggests you are VERY open to what you are saying) than give closed off body language after finishing your piece. To suggest you are not open to hearing anything else. Say your words sincerely, leave no room for doubt, and never back down – especially when she starts to cry and you feel horrible.

Than give that person some space usually a few months at least. Do not try to get cozy with the person as this can really mess with somebody’s head a lot as they will use this as hope that you are getting back together. This is the only way to keep pain to a minimum when ending a relationship.

Robert Torrey is one of the trainers for Fidentia a company that teaches men dating confidence with live workshops. Go to www.fidentia.org for more info

Read this…

There’s something I want you to do that I KNOW will improve your natural ability to read into a man’s behavior and his mind.

And learning to do this homework could mean the difference between being…

Happy & In-love or Lonely & Single.

Whoa… that’s pretty intense – I’ll tone it down for a sec and give you something to take your mind to off some of the potential negative stuff that you might be thinking about here…

Did you see the final Sex and the City episode where Carrie went to Paris with her lover?

Carrie’s in Paris with her boyfriend and begins to wonder if she made the right decision to move away with this man who, deep down inside, she know’s doesn’t want the same type of life and relationship she does.

As she makes this realization, her ex, “Big”, has flown to Paris from New York looking to reconcile with his lost love after realizing his undying love for Carrie.

And of course, as with all good TV, the two find each other by luck and fate, and Big finally professes his love.

Talk about romantic, intense, suspenseful and full of great drama!

Ok, I thought that might do the trick to warm you back up.

So what does the story of Carrie’s love life have to do with YOUR love life?

More than you might think – but we’ll get to that.

That’s why this week I’m giving you a short homework assignment – and this is what could be the most valuable 5 minutes you’ll ever spend on your love life:

I need you to think about one of the first things I recognized about women way back in junior high – it’s something I still see it today in our “grown-up” dating world.

Why don’t women pick the right guys?

Or even more to the point – why do women pick all the wrong guys?

If you’ve had your heart broken, been cheated on, or find yourself giving everything you’ve got inside, to get little or nothing in return, then you know what I’m talking about.

****Right Now****

Take 5 minutes of time to yourself.

Tune the rest of the world out for just these 5 minutes.

Now, think about each of these questions for a minute or two each:

1. What is it about “bad boys” or men that aren’t “available” that is attractive to women? And to you?

2. Have you ever dated a guy even though you knew he was a “bad boy” – or found out soon into things?

3. Is there a “nice guy” in your life who would make a great companion but you’re not attracted to or share a “connection” with?

Don’t cheat yourself…

Stop, go back, make sure you take at least 5 minutes of time and think about just these questions…

(Trust me – it’s AMAZING what you can actually learn about the world and yourself if you take a few minutes of silence to think just about ONE THING at a time. It’s maybe the BEST thing I ever started doing for myself!)

I’ll give you some more time…

Ok, so you’ve thought about it. Let’s share our thoughts and compare notes.

*As a quick inside reminder:

This exercise is all about actively improving your ability to know what a good man looks like for YOU and to help you pick ONLY the right men now and in the future.

Picking the wrong men can get you in all kinds of painful trouble it’s hard to get free of.

But for some reason, women don’t want the guys who are probably better relationship and love companions.

I’m not going to give you ALL the answers right now, but I’m going to lead you to finding the answers for yourself – as it’s a much more effective way of learning.

So…. I’m gonna address the last question first about “nice guys”.

A friend of mine sent me an article that was on AOL entitled “What’s Wrong With Nice Guys?”. Here’s a little quote from the article:

“…Do Women Date Naughty Guys but Marry Nice Ones?”

This notion sounds an awful lot like the irritating good-girl/bad-girl distinction that men continue to make. Still, it does contain a nugget of sense. Since women truly are conditioned to be “good girls,” sometimes we feel uncomfortable with or guilty about that pure burning “I must have him!” feeling. That’s why we sometimes seek out a bad boy to serve as the object of these desires, says Cleveland psychotherapist Belleruth Naparstek, creator of the Health Journeys series of guided imagery tapes. “In order for the deliciousness of pure lust to be ‘okay,’ it has to be for the symbolic bad boy who has nothing to do with the rest of your life. With him, you can crank up your animal impulses, worry-free,” she says…

Interesting, huh?

My friend who sent it to me disagrees with the idea that women seek out “bad boys” because they need somewhere to project their guilty lust, and I agree.

I disagree that there’s something “wrong” with the fact that women are attracted to “bad boys”…

My friend also made the point that the “mainstream” psychology and behavior world is starting to accept the idea that women are attracted to “bad boys”.

There’s something to the idea that woman don’t feel that powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for “nice guys” who chase after them, dote on them and kiss up to them.

A woman might LIKE the experience of the “nice guy” doing nice things, but it doesn’t CREATE attraction or a connection with the woman.

Ever.

Trust me, I know men who are the “nice guy” all the time and they get so frustrated trying so hard to please a woman and get her interested.

But it’s like trying to chew bubble gum to solve calculus problems… It’s hopeless.

And wouldn’t you know it – it works the same way for “nice women”. Being a “nice girl” can’t “convince” a guy to like you just because you do sweet things…

It just doesn’t work like that.

I’ve had women be the “nice girl” with me in the past. There’s two women I can remember from acting overly nice and sweet to try and attract me.

Any attraction that was there started falling away.

THE TRUTH of the matter is – kissing up, convincing and being too “sweet” can kill attraction.

Why?

Our subconscious reacts in ways you often can’t control and aren’t very aware of.

Being too “nice” sends a signal to the “deep” part of the mind that tells you “this person isn’t desirable and is lower status”.

I know, this might sound kind of dark, power-hungry or weird to you, but it’s what happens with us humans.

People don’t value what they can have too easily, whether they admit it or not.

Ultimately, when women are around “nice guys”, they end up unconsciously thinking, “This man isn’t desirable, I shouldn’t date or pursue this guy”.

(Ok, there can be another reason, but I won’t discuss it here but it has to do with people who develop the “nice” persona due to what they feel they personally lack, and thus “nice” people are self-selecting and are actually and less confident and less attractive.)

In the nice guys defense – they might actually have something better to offer a woman in terms of what she SAYS she wants (love, trust, companionship, passion), but the women aren’t able to see it – or see it as something they want.

Why?

Women don’t develop a connection to the nice guy and the “connection” is the MAGIC ingredient for attraction with most women.

Which leads us to the “bad boy”!

You might not agree with me, but women DO feel that magical emotion called ATTRACTION for “bad boys”.

Of course, I don’t believe that men have to be jerks, or abuse women in order to make them feel attracted to them.

But women have a deep attraction mechanism that’s triggered by men who behave indifferent, superior, cocky, the list goes of “bad” behavior. You’ve seen it.

“Bad boys” often create inviting and intoxicating forms of drama – often perceived as playfulness, sexuality and fun.

When I first talk to women about the bad boy subject, they jump ALL OVER me and completely disagree.

Then I ask them about some of the relationships they’ve had in the past.

And guess what?

Most women realize in the course of the conversation that they’ve dated men they knew fit the “bad boy” profile.

What makes me laugh is that the realization makes them argue with me even more!

So why do women date and continue on with “bad boys”?

The answer to this question when I ask it to women is almost UNIVERSAL.

“We had a great connection”.

Some women call it “chemistry”.

The magic of a connection with a man can be extremely powerful. Often powerful enough to undo all sorts of reasoning abilities and ways of perceiving things.

Women picking and staying with the wrong men is the single biggest mistake I see women make. It’s the most common reason why the thousands of women I hear from can’t find the love and fulfillment they’re looking for.

But there’s help…

I talk about these and other concepts in detail in my eBook, “Catch Him And Keep Him”. You can get your hands on a copy of Catch Him And Keep Him at my website and be reading it in just a few minutes from now.

Plus, you can get it at what is at my risk-

Why don’t you try the book for a week so you can decide if you want to keep it?

If you don’t like it, just let me know and I’ll refund all your money immediately.

Honestly, I think you could learn more in a few hours reading the book than most women might learn in their whole LIVES about how to meet and attract men the right men AND what the specific steps are to develop an amazing relationship he won’t ever want to come to an end.

Go check it out:

Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download

Christian Carter is an attraction expert and author of “Catch Him and Keep Him” at: CatchHimAndKeepHim.com

© Copyright 2006, Catch Him Inc. All Rights Reserved. Copyright materials used by permission.

It sounds almost too good to be true.

The skill that will give you these benefits is effective communication. In fact, the benefits of communication are too big to list here because communication enhances so many aspects of your life. Rudyard Kipling said “Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind.” Guess what? Communication goes beyond words so imagine how powerful it is now?

Here are a list of communication benefits and what, why, and how this amazing skill will definitely change your life:

Gives you happiness – You’ve probably heard money can’t buy happiness. This is true. You become happy by taking the right actions. Think about it. Happiness is at the core of the actions you take. The actions you make are not happiness itself but create and surround happiness. By taking action on developing yourself, you become happier. Effective communication skills make you happier by having joyous relationships, reduces anger of both parties talking, correctly express yourself, and other reasons.

Makes you attractive – The law of attraction states that you are a living magnet. You attract the people and resources in your life based on your internal self. Get excited because you do have invisible forces that draw and repel people. This isn’t mystical mumbo jumbo. There are many earthling factors such as communication and self development that you can control to attract people in your life. Communication goes way beyond verbal and non-verbal language. It is also the self development aspects such as confidence that create effective communication.

You become intimate – How do people become open in a relationship? Good communication of course because it is the only “bridge” between a relationship. Intimacy is about both people being open in a relationship. It is only through intimacy that a couple is able to know each other thoroughly.

More loving – This ties in with intimacy. You can be more loving towards your family by not only correctly communicating to them, but also through receiving their communication by using active listening skills. Showing interest in someone’s live will reciprocate to you interest and love.

Increased popularity – While a primary goal of mine in teaching others communication isn’t to make them the best known and most liked person in their school/town/club, it is rather increasing your popularity or likeability of the people you know now. However, effective communication can definitely make you popular amongst others because your conversational skills and friendliness will sky rocket.

More successful – John Johanson and Carrie Fried in the 2002 Teaching of Psychology Journal, asked graduates what their most useful skill was. The number one answer was interpersonal skills. Drew Appleby in a well known psychology magazine “Eye on Psi Chi” asked what job skills 39 employers desire in hiring people. Interpersonal skills were number one again. In fact, Brian Tracy (world renowned personal business consultant) in “Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life” says the highest paid form of intelligence in the United States is interpersonal intelligence. A person with such intelligence understands other’s feelings and desires, and employers are willing to pay for someone with these skills.

Relaxed – Stress is related to how we manage ourselves with the outside world. You can become more relaxed by assertively telling someone “no” if they ask you to do something you do not want to do. Also, by developing your communication and self using the techniques I teach in my newsletter, you learn to manage your emotions and thoughts to control stressful experiences.

Satisfied – You receive satisfaction when you get what you want. To get what you want, either someone gives it to you, or you get it for yourself. You cannot control what someone gives you (although you can influence), which means to become satisfied you must do it yourself or learn to relate to others. By developing your communication and self, you grow as a person enhancing your skills and creating satisfaction.

Self control – We interact with people everyday and often do things we later wish we hadn’t done. By developing self understanding (very important part in communication) as taught in my newsletter, you develop self control. Controlling yourself isn’t limited to stopping yourself from doing actions, but it also ‘controls’ you to do the right things.

Understand others – As you know, how we feel towards someone is all about our emotions. What often happens is you do not understand the person and their current emotions so you misunderstand them, respond inappropriately, or don’t know how they feel. By using effective communication you learn to read another person’s emotions, understand another person’s emotions, and communicate about another person’s emotions.

Understand yourself – I’m going to say this straight. If you are like most people, you do not understand yourself to your potential and it unknowingly to you hurts your life. Do you know why you behave the way you do? Do you always know what feelings you have? Why do you experience anger towards someone you love? This is why self understanding is so important in communication.

There are an abundance of further benefits to effective communication such as anger management, increased likelihood of receiving a job promotion, more persuasion, better leadership skills, and the list goes on. Hopefully now you can see the true power of communication. Let effective communication change your life today.

Sign-up now to my effective communication and self development newsletter by clicking here.

Joshua Uebergang is owner of EarthlingCommunication.com where he teaches people effective communication and personal development. His work is recognised by communication, personal development, and psychology experts, authors, and public speakers. He encourages you to get the amazing benefits you can receive in your life by developing yourself and communication skills by getting your free subscription to his effective communication skills and self development newsletter by clicking here. Signup now and receive a special bonus.

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Number one on my list is reading another person’s behaviour in an unnecessarily negative light, not finding a better way to see the situation, if that is possible. When we mis-read their behaviour and don’t cut them any slack, we tend to respond in very human ways.

The second dumb thing we can all do is not thinking before we speak or act. When we do this, often what we have to say comes out badly, at the wrong time, or we don’t talk at all. When we don’t think, we are tempted to do the same thing that helped create the problem in the first place.

Number three on my list is simply never finding a good time to talk due to concern about restarting an argument or unproductive conversation. The trouble with this approach is that many matters remain unresolved and the same issues come up again and again.

The fourth dumb thing we do is focusing solely on what the other person is doing wrong, trying to change their behaviour, rather than simply keeping the focus on what we are doing. When we do this, we are effectively trying to control what is out of our control rather than looking at any contribution we may be making.

Number five is insisting we be heard first rather than giving genuine understanding to how the other person is seeing things and how strongly they are feeling. If ever you watch a couple of people arguing, you will see them effectively saying, “Shut up and listen to me!”

The sixth dumb thing to do is to pretend you don’t have any personal flaws. Unfortunately, this is one of the worst personal flaws you can have, making it hard for you to give genuine apologies, make amends, or learn from your mistakes. It is also very, very annoying for other people to be constantly blamed for interactions in which they feel you have also made a contribution.

Number seven is not taking other people’s sensitivities into account. This makes it easy to offend or hurt them even when this has not been our intention. Rather than treading carefully around issues that have been hurtful to them, we tell them they are over-reacting, to get over it, or to sort themselves out in therapy.

The eighth dumb thing we can all do is to think that our way of seeing things is the only way. When we believe this, we tend to try to pressure the other person to come around to our perspective.

Number nine is to think that other people are wired the same as you. People are different in what helps them to feel happy and have different ways of doing things. But it is the way we deal with differences that is important. By accepting that people operate differently or see things differently, it becomes easier to accept difference or negotiate a common understanding for the future.

The tenth dumb thing we can do is to make choices to meet our needs, but in ways not respectful of other people’s needs. For example, we throw ourselves into our work instead of giving priority to the needs of our family. Or we have an affair, drink heavily, or spend too much time on the computer, all of which are not respectful of our partner’s needs. When you don’t take other people’s needs into account, or incorrectly target your efforts, they will not feel inspired to show consideration to you.

You might be tempted now to show your partner or a co-worker this article, circling the parts that apply to them. I suggest instead you might be better to say that there are things you can both do to help, keeping the focus on your own behaviour. Although my wife will remind me that when it comes to doing dumb things in relationships, men tend to excel in this regard. Fortunately, she also catches me doing a number of things right.

Ken Warren, known as “The Doctor of Difficult People”, is Australia’s leading speaker on the topic. He can show you how to turn difficult customers and co-workers into pussycats, make great teams even better, and achieve better outcomes with challenging clients. Check out his free resources at http://www.positivepeoplesolutions.com.au

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Starting a conversation and maintaining a conversation really are two separate factors. As with anything there is a start, middle and an end.

Below are some tips that will help you to keep any conversation alive:

1. Don’t be a conversational bully. Avoid making people feel as if they are forced to listen to what you have to say. Shouting and raising your voice won’t get you listened to. It will just frustrate you and the other party involved.

2. Learn the difference between conversation and speech. These are 2 very simple things to get mixed up on, whilst giving a speech you are being listened to. When one is having a conversation then 2 parties are involved! A conversation is word exchanges between 2 or more people.

3. Don’t shy away from phone calls. A lot of people shy away from phone calls don’t hide when the phone rings its great practice for talking face to face.

4. Questions are the key. Yes keep the conversation a drift and flowing with questions! Questions are excellent for making the conversation continue. Even if you are really fed with the topics just act as if you are interested by generating questions.

Some excellent questions for keeping the conversation afloat are:

Who?
What?
Where?
Why?
When?
How?
Really?
Is it?
Do you like…?

These suggestions might seem rather random; however try them out in a test run and see the results.

5. Don’t be boring. If you are on a date and need to impress, then being boring is a big no-no! You won’t even know when you’re boring the other party. Try to avoid subjects that are all about you: how you are good because you did something etc.

6. Perhaps you will feel tempted to brag or turn the tables and start talking about you ex girlfriend or boyfriend. On a date this is a crime; you really can’t do this.

7. Talk about the other person. A great way to keep the conversation going is to talk about the person that you are talking to! Pay an interest into their upbringing, social values, and way of life. If you show interest to the other person then the conversation will never die!

8. Be interested but don’t be nosy. Know your limits, gossiping and extracting information from people with nosy behavior is extremely frustrating. You most certainly won’t be getting a fan club by behaving in this manner. People won’t want to merge in conversation with you again. Nosiness and gossiping is the final wave to a healthy conversation flow.

9. Don’t pretend. Learn when the subject of conversation isn’t something that you’re comfortable or familiar with then politely change the subject; pretending that you are interested in something and know about that thing, is a recipe for failure.

10. Be lively. Talk with energy and incorporate fresh new topics to the conversation. Talk about recent news flashes, what’s happening in the world. For example if you start a conversation on the topic of politics, it’s sure not to end anytime soon!

You should feel privileged with the gift of talking. Don’t build up barriers and unnecessary obstacles to stop you from words of conversation. If you follow the above tips then you will notice improvements in no time at all. Conversation should be fun, to interact with people and to engage in talk is a way of life. Once you can talk and keep a conversation going, you can be sure that you will be able to maintain good relations with friend and relatives.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because it is available for a limited time only at: communication skills.

The idea of being an introvert or an extrovert is defined in psychology as a personality trait. Personality traits are used to define characteristics, reactions in different situations and positions in which individuals define themselves in when they are placed in particular situations. The roles that are naturally in another’s definition are what cause someone to either be more inclusive in social situations or more to themselves.

Typically, a defined introvert or extrovert has allowed themselves to become this particular personality because it is a defense that has been effective in specific situations. If you are an introvert, for example, it may be because you see the definite rewards that are involved in being more exclusive in a crowd. You can define specific situations in which this personality trait has allowed you to be more effective in getting what you need or want from the situations.

What Defines an Introvert?

While you may have begun your path on being an introvert through an attempt to protect yourself in specific situations, it is also known that there are definite traits and characteristics that are a part of the personality. Those who have studied personalities have noticed a distinct line between introverts and extroverts, depending on the situation, which allows individuals to find their own personality in relation to social situations.

When one looks at an introvert, it is expected that specific responses will be heard. Have you ever said to yourself things such as “I know myself.” Maybe you have told someone that you are “free to pursue your own path.” Typically, introverts are the less accepted type of personality because of the socialization that has not been developed according to other cultural standards that rely on outgoing individuals and extroverts.

Beyond the social and psychological definitions of an introvert are also direct biological distinctions between the two groups. It has been shown that the nerves and chemicals that are sent to the brains of introverts, in relation to extroverts, take a different type of path, which is what causes the initial reaction of inwardness among introverts. Specifically, the reticular activating systems, where alertness and stimuli begin in the brain, are significantly lower in introverts. Other stimulated points of the brain, such as the anterior thalamus, where the stimuli are sent to the frontal lobe are also known to have a delayed reaction in introverts.

The stimuli that affects the brain in introverts and carries a different path towards stimuli is then balanced out with other areas of the brain that are stimulated instead and lead to more introverted qualities. For example, the armygdala, where the emotions are stimulated in the brain, will often times have a higher stimulus in introverts when in a social situation. In extroverts, this will be attached to the motor area, but introverts will usually process these types of thoughts through a longer and different pathway. At the same time, the long term memory in introverts will be stimulated in social situations. For extroverts, the social situations will stimulate short term memory, allowing them to connect to motor skills more quickly and react sharply to the situation.

The major difference between introverts and extroverts is nothing but the connection of wires in the brain, which causes a reaction that stimulates the energy in both types of individuals in different ways. Introverts are at one of the spectrum that defines an energy that moves inward to defining themselves. Extroverts, on the other hand, move in outer circles in order to gain their energy because of the wiring of the brain. Each of these energies will have different levels and temperaments, but is the main driving force of what individuals who are introverts or extroverts decide to do.

Why Change?

The first thing to recognize as an introvert is that being directed inwards is not a bad attribute. In fact, it is simply the way that you have been programmed. The discovery of yourself is acceptable and should be permissible. At the same time, it is important to keep in mind that the world in which we live is extroverted. In order to adjust into a society that weighs its importance on social networks is the need to begin extending a network into the culture you are in.

It is shown that the number of extroverts to introverts is at a three to one ratio. Extroverts are the ones that are more likely to go outside, find a social network, and begin expanding themselves through the people that are found. Because of this, extroverts are more likely to be the cultural foundation that is seen. However, you can learn to change your approaches in order to begin affiliating in a culture based on extroversion, while continuing to keep your true energy that focuses on the inward.

The idea is not necessarily to change from being an introvert to an extrovert, but instead to transform into an image that will allow you to benefit from the various aspects of life that will help you to attain your goals and dreams. While you can continue to find privacy and development of yourself as an important concept, you can also find the freedom to explore others and their abilities to connect with you by developing aspects of extroverted characteristics.

Steps to Extroversion

One of the things to keep in mind when moving into extroverted social affiliations is it is a way to achieve your goals. It is important to keep in mind that this is done in a culture that is more likely to accept extroversion. You don’t have to loose your true identity as an introvert, and can use the social affiliation whenever you want to move back to your roots of understanding yourself.

The first thing that you should acknowledge is whether you want to truly change. Thinking about the goals that you can achieve by focusing your energy outwards for short amounts of time is the first recognition to the evaluation of a society that achieves things through social networks. At the same time, you can also recognize that by simply displaying attributes of extroversion, you will have other possibilities opened to you by including social networks into the world that you have developed.

You should also keep in mind that there are several introverts that, by focusing on their goals towards a more social affiliation, have had the ability to achieve great success. Joan Allen, for example, has stated several times that she favors privacy more than social networks. However, she continues to be an accomplished actress, understanding that the extroversion of getting out and taking the chances is more important than always being in a private space. Others such as Michael Jordon, Gwyneth Paltrow, Laura Bush, Bill Gates and even Steve Martin have all stated their true nature of being introverts, but have trained themselves to focus on an extroverted energy to achieve what they want.

The first step that you will want to take into transforming into extroversion is to find the social places that you are comfortable with and can allow yourself to be more comfortable in. For example, maybe you have friends that you are more open with and that you enjoy spending time with. Maybe you have specific career moves that have pushed you into being more extroverted. Starting in places that you are already comfortable with is your first step to transformation.

The next step to take is a beginning to shift your energy. For example, if you are in a social situation, make one energetic attempt to be more outgoing, such as meeting someone new or expanding your network of people to socialize with, even if it is only for the evening. It is not necessary for you to change your entire personality, but instead, work towards focusing your energy at little times on building social networks that may be important to you.

Over time, you will begin to feel a shift in your energies. While you can still keep your true nature of being an introvert, you can also learn how to focus your energies into social occasions, allowing you to achieve what you want in a culture that is based off of socialization. The rewards are simple: you will have the ability to expand your possibilities for friendships, ideas and even career, leading you into a more effective lifestyle with both the ability to know yourself and to know others.

If you are working on specific goals or want to expand your possibilities, than working towards understanding yourself through social networks is a great way to begin achieving goals. It is not necessary to re-wire your brain or find different ways to focus your energy. Instead, you can simply begin to step out of the skin you are in so that you can develop more skills of understanding and can begin to develop skills and goals that you have always dreamed of.

Joshua Uebergang can give you free relationship advice online. His work is recognised by communication, personal development, and psychology experts, authors, and public speakers. He encourages you to get the amazing benefits you can receive in your life from developing yourself and communication skills by getting your free trial-subscription to his relationship skills newsletter here. Signup now and receive a special bonus.

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Approaching women is more than just going up to someone and saying “hello”. There are many more layers that are involved with how you approach someone, what you decide to do, say and act during those first few moments. The first impression that you give to the person that you are attracted to is the one that will ultimately decide your relationship for the future.

Preparation Steps

Because the first impression is everything, you want to make sure that you walk up to a woman prepared. This first means getting over your fear of how she will react, what she will say and what will happen. This type of fear can stop you from meeting who you want and may also send a signal to the woman that you are interested which tells her that you don’t have confidence.

How do you shake off the fear? It is as simple as reversing it with belief and with a different attitude about yourself. Believing in yourself, gaining self confidence and walking up to a woman, knowing that you are a great catch, will help to get rid of any second thoughts you may be having. Acknowledge that you doubt the situation, than counteract it with an internal voice that allows you to stop from hesitating and to make the moves that you want to.

When you are taking these preparation steps, you should always keep in mind what women are attracted to. It has been found that being physically attractive is not as important to a woman as it is to a man. Instead, women are more likely to focus on character. Things such as independence and humor are higher on a woman’s list than looks. The most important part of this is confidence. This is the key to approaching women and getting a response from them that makes them attracted to you. Before you approach someone, shift your fear off and bring in the confidence that you have for better results.

What Should I Say?

Once you have built your confidence and prepared to walk up to the woman that you want, then it is time to begin to find the correct things to say. What you say, and how you interact with the women that you meet, is your key to being able to get the first date that you want to and to gain interest from the other woman.

Because the first words are the most important ones, several experts have found different parts of approaching women in order to get them to respond correctly. David DeAngelo, a dating advisor is one who has found specific techniques that are likely to succeed with only a little practice.

DeAngelo’s belief is that men have established habits of approaching women that are not as attractive as others. These have been set from societal standards that have taught men specific techniques that are biologically not attractive to the women that they are speaking with. If a woman finds something in a man, it will be a biological attraction for the main purpose of finding the correct mate. This links directly to how a man will interact with a woman, showing through body language and words the abilities that the man has with his biological roles.

It is not just the words that you use, but also the way that you use them that women will be paying attention to. DeAngelo divides the different characteristics of men into several categories. Each of these show a lack of confidence, the inability to keep a conversation, no humor and completely faltering by doing the opposite of what a woman would find attractive. If you are walking up to a woman to get their approval, to show off or have signs of insecurity, you can forget about a second date.

If you are working towards creating attractiveness, you can do simple things with your communication levels. For example, if you approach a woman, you can show them that you are confident by starting with an opinion. They will instantly want to respond, finding that you have a high confidence level by being able to approach them like this. It will also allow you to ease into a conversation without any attachments or ideas about what needs to happen.

Another possibility is to begin a conversation, then leave for a while. For women, this creates a response in their biological system, telling them that you are confident which makes them more attracted to you. The response will be for them to try to prove their worthiness and qualifications as a partner. If you come back later and ask for their e-mail or a phone number, it will show them that you are truly interested in what they have to offer and will be a signal to them through your actions that they are the one you are interested in.

The key with these particular techniques is to learn how to show the correct body language while you are speaking. This begins with having the correct intentions and belief in who you are. You can then call on your best attributes to keep the woman intrigued. For example, being humorous, but not being vulgar is one of the ways to approach a conversation. Being confident, but not just being arrogant or cocky is another attraction mark to use when you approach women. The entire idea is to change your mind set so that you can attract the correct people with the right attitude.

As you are changing your mindset, you will want to be sure that you don’t start to loose your confidence while you speak to her. At times, women may not respond to you right away. It is important to know that this is not because of you intruding her space or taking over what is already happening. You are simply being tested to see the confidence level that you are at. Finding the balance between saying too much and not saying enough is one of the ways that you can prove your confidence.

Do the After Math

Of course, not every situation is perfect. Sometimes it will work out in your favor, and sometimes it won’t. If you approach someone and get rejected, take it as a learning experience. The situation that you are getting yourself into may not be ideal anyway. Most likely, it is because the woman that you have approached has different priorities or is simply attracted to a different style.

When you approach a woman, it is not necessary to believe that it will be a situation that leads to happily ever after. While this is ideal, it is not important the first time that you approach someone. You never know the situation before hand, and it shouldn’t lead to a lack of confidence or the inability to move on to someone else. For every situation that doesn’t work out, there is always one that will. Staying confident and positive will help you to continue to find someone who is interested in everything that you are.

The art of approaching women is all about how you first approach yourself. By becoming confident before and during the conversations that you have, you will be able to become more attractive to the women that are around you. Through the techniques and studies that have been established to find everyone the perfect mate, is also the ability for individuals to begin to change the way they see themselves and the beginning stages of a relationship.

If you’re reading this and you’d like to confidently approach women and successfully have them attracted to you, then “The Art of Approaching Women” is exactly what you’re after and you can get it today by clicking here.

When looking at friendships, it becomes important to define what makes a friendship in the beginning. Do we all simply become one’s friend or acquaintance because of looks? Or is there something deeper that drives us to begin to know certain people? Finding what the intentions are of the friendships that you have, and evaluating their importance is one of the most important aspects of opening the possibilities to what friendships can hold.

It is said that different cultures value various traits that are adapted into looks by certain individuals. The looks that are defined then cause social inclusion or exclusion by specific groups according to what is acceptable or not. The idea of social exclusion, especially in friendships has been studied through various groups which have defined what it means to exclude or judge someone.

Social exclusion by the way that people look can happen in friendships in two different ways. The first is that one can exclude themselves from specific groups because they do not believe that their looks will be accepted in the group. The second is when individuals exclude others because they are not up to a specific standard. This can happen either by taking the person completely out of the picture, or leaving them out of ‘benefits’ that may be a part of the friendship.

Judgment, when part of a friendship and in dealing with exclusion of certain individuals can be detrimental to personal relationships and feelings. Because of this, there is a need to begin to understand when judgment has gone too far and is becoming exclusive towards individuals that may not hold a specific standard in the way that they look, according to what has been dictated to individuals on a cultural level.

The culture that is known to define the judgments that we make, even at a friendship level, comes from the social pressures that are seen around us everyday. The media, television, movies, music and everyday situations build a set of definitions of what should be socially included or exclusive, especially among a group of friends. This is the first set of rules that defines what looks are acceptable for a set of people or a time period.

It is said that this social judgment can not be prevented because it has been built into our lifestyles on so many subconscious levels. However, it is also said that by taking responsibility for the judgments and beginning to change them into positive types of reinforcement, it can allow for an inclusive set of friends, instead of exclusive individuals that are not open to ideas, personalities or deeper relationships because of the defined looks that are acceptable first.

At the other side of inclusively with friendships is the willingness for those who look out of the ordinary to be available to the friendships that are not judgmental. If you have a specific style or look that sets you apart from a group of friends, it does not mean that you can not join that group of friends. This becomes a self-judgment, and can easily lead into victimization because of the exclusivity that is imposed on your own thoughts. A simple frame of mind into believing that your particular looks do not define who you can fit in with is the first step into creating a more inclusive society that does not base all the weight of friendships on one’s appearance.

If the judgments that you begin to make are defined by the external pressures that you face every day, instead of your better judgment is when you begin to define friends and relationships at a level that is not conducive to growing, learning or expanding your social inclusiveness. You are the only one who can be the judge on what is known to be appropriate to a friendship and what will define the foundation of what is acceptable, either by looks, or by deeper concerns.

Joshua Uebergang is a young entrepreneur teaching people interpersonal relationship advice. His work is recognised by communication, personal development, and psychology experts, authors, and public speakers. Signup now to his free newsletter at: http://www.free-relationship-advice.org and receive a special bonus that will help you get great relationships. You can also learn more tips to strengthen friendships.

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You are quickly advised into getting out of the relationship. The consensus is that this person obviously has fear of being intimate with another person; a social problem that is detrimental to both in the relationship. But, you also want to note that this person is important, and you know that there are some great things going on, despite the fact that the deeper levels of physical and mental intimacy can’t be reached.

Understanding fear of intimacy and finding ways to move past it, no matter which side of the relationship you are on, can help you into better and deeper relationships. Intimacy doesn’t have to be something to pull away from. In fact, you can consider it as being a ‘raw human,’ one that is able to understand other humans on a level that connects from our foundations of being.

What is Intimacy?

Too often, our society has defined intimacy in different ways than it should be. This is one of the major factors that have led to the fear of being intimate with another. Typically, our culture will state that intimacy means being in a serious relationship with another person. The intimacy is something that should occur behind closed doors, not as a public display. Too often, intimacy has been described as exposing oneself in ways that are uncomfortable.

Intimacy is more than the physical connection of closeness and moves beyond ideas of exposure that are too often demonstrated. Intimacy simply means to create a connection with another human being on a naturally human level. It can be anything that is authentic and genuine, creating a complete connection between two individuals walking through life. Intimacy is not anything but a human connection between two individuals that leads to better understandings of what life is about.

Intimacy, at its root levels, means making a connection. When doing this, it simply takes trust. When someone is unable to be intimate with you, it is most likely because there is a fear of trust. This is not necessarily happening because of you are. It is happening because it is a defense mechanism in order for the other person to protect what they believe they have or don’t have. If they don’t trust someone, they don’t get hurt. This leads them into a consistent cycle of pushing others away and keeping themselves with their clothes on.

Fear of intimacy for others, and maybe for yourself, begins at the root level of not wanting to be exposed. However, intimacy doesn’t have to stop at this fear. You can begin to make changes by trusting that life is fine, even if your clothes are off. Making small connections with others, as well as beginning to define what you need to do to build levels of trust can lead you into being able to shake off your fears and begin to reach out to others on deeper levels.

How Do We Practice Intimacy?

Becoming intimate with another person isn’t a mystery. If you are a practicing human being, you can begin practicing intimacy now. It doesn’t necessarily mean creating a passionate level of connection between yourself and another person. You can do things like acknowledge the strengths in another person begin to listen to what they are really saying and reach out to them on a natural and human level about who they are.

Practicing intimacy may be more difficult to some, not because they are not human, but because difficulties arise from past experiences with intimacy. For those that have had traumatic experiences, it is less likely they will be able to practice intimacy with another person at any level. This is a mental wound that occurs among too many and shuts them off from having the ability to practice intimacy among others.

If you find that someone is having trouble with intimacy, you don’t have to assume it is because of a traumatic experience. It may be something as simple as them never having this connection of intimacy in the past. Instead of expecting intimacy to take place at a deeper level, you can start with the little things that create human connections. Being playful, taking smaller steps in reaching out and providing a helping hand in times of need will begin to establish a foundation of friendship and intimacy between you and the other person.

One of the important ways to practice intimacy is to create deeper levels of understanding through listening. This should be done not only by establishing a strong ear for someone to listen to, but also through more intimate connections of listening. Empathic listening skills are one of the most important parts of creating intimacy in a friendship or relationships. Over time, you will notice that some of the walls of trust that were failing the relationship before are now at the basis of understanding. The foundation that is being built can occur on the deep levels that you desire, only with a little time.

Intimacy to individuals is more than holding hands in public or exposing oneself to all of their deepest secrets. At a very basic level, intimacy is creating a human connection with others. This may mean doing something as simple as complimenting someone on their necklace or something as specific as listening to someone with a full heart while they speak of the experiences that they have had to overcome. If you are looking for a deeper relationship with levels of meaning, than creating this intimacy is the beginning to the connection of humanness.

Whether you are afraid of being intimate with another person or are afraid of intimacy, you can overcome. By simply taking the smaller steps of connecting with others, you will have the ability to build deeper meanings of relationships with others. At the same time, you can begin to overcome the larger fears that have become barriers between you and others. By stepping into the unknown of the relationship, even in smaller ways of human connection, you can begin to establish a foundation of meaning and unlimited connection with the other person.

Joshua Uebergang is owner of http://www.Free-Relationship-Advice.org where he teaches people free interpersonal relationship advice. His work is recognised by communication, personal development, and psychology experts, authors, and public speakers. Signup now to his free newsletter at: http://www.free-relationship-advice.org and receive a special bonus that will help you get
great relationships.

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Secret #1: Take 3 Minutes to prepare.

Three minutes will unlock your ability to have a great date. Take a moment and mentally come up with four or five conversation topics and four or five conversation questions. Your topics and questions can include: -Personal experiences -Family -Joke -Recent events -Hobbies -News items -Etc.

Whenever a silent pause creeps up, you zap it. Either ask a question or share one of your topics. This brings up more discussion and more fun. All it takes is three minutes to prepare.

Secret #2: Find connections or things in common.

A fun conversation happens when both parties are talking on a subject they are both interested in. Look for things you both have in common or enjoy talking about.

At first you may not know what you both enjoy talking about. Quickly find this out with three steps: 1. Ask questions. 2. Listen for a connection. The other person may mention they enjoy movies. If you also enjoy movies, take a mental note. 3. Bring out the connection. Ask questions about the connection. Mention that you are also interested in that area.

Friendships are based on connections or things you have in common. As you discover connections, your friendship will deepen and the fun will intensify.

Tip #3: Show interest by asking questions and listening.

Do you want to impress the other person? Do you want to leave a great impression? Do you want to quickly make friends?

There is a simple way. Ask questions and listen. By focusing your spotlight of interest on the other person, they will talk, enjoy the date, and so will you.

A great practice is to count to five after the other person finishes talking. Often they will say more. You will leave a great impression and it will help keep you relaxed.

Tip #4: Relax, enjoy, have fun.

Relax-this is the key to a good date. Don’t feel like you have to force conversations. Just have fun.

Laugh at yourself. Show emotion. This will help break the ice. Many dates will have some awkward moments. Just accept it and keep applying the four secrets.

Instead of focusing on leaving a great impression, focus on applying the four secrets. You will then leave a great impression and have an awesome fun filled date!

Austin Barnes has developed the Conversation Success System which reveals how to have Great Conversation Skills in Less than Hour. A free email course called “10 Conversation Tips” is found here: http://www.conversationhelp.com/tips.php

If you’d like to discover more conversation secrets to attract and seduce women, then I highly recommend “How to Instantly Attract Any Woman” which you can get today by clicking here.

I know how much it sucks. If you’re single, maybe it sucks for you because:

• Your partner you once loved has left
• Your friends have a partner and you don’t
• You don’t think you’re good enough for someone else to love you
• You wonder whether you’ll ever find a beautiful lady or “Mr Right”

I know how much it really sucks to feel these depressing emotions. It hurts. I understand it is miserable being alone when you could be having fun with someone who loves you.

In past newsletters I’ve discussed some techniques used to build attraction.

These are techniques YOU can use to make another person feel more attracted towards you.

Did you get that?

What this means for you is how YOU communicate verbally and non-verbally determines your attractiveness.

It isn’t about looking more attractive. Rather, it is being perceived attractive through your communication.

Someone who communicates confidence non-verbally does appear more attractive to everyone else…

…But good confidence is just one area that can build attraction.

Maybe you’re wondering is attraction in the words you say?

You bet, but attraction is more then canned words. If words were enough to make someone love you then it’d be just a matter of memorizing a script.

You and I know something goes on much deeper.

There’s a problem though. What actually goes on?

What is the chemistry an exciting couple experience that gets them so turned-on to one another?

People have a hard time of explaining what this whole “firey-emotions” thing a couple feels is. They call it “love”, “attraction”, “love at first sight” but can’t explain what happens…

…But, can you see how this relates to communication?

People who don’t learn communication don’t understand why they argue with people.

People who don’t learn communication don’t understand why their emotions are bottled up inside.

People who don’t learn communication don’t understand why a family member would start yelling at him/her.

THE LINK HERE IS FEELING LOVE AND BEING ATTRACTED TO SOMEONE MELTS DOWN TO COMMUNICATION.

Those who don’t learn attraction communication don’t understand why an exciting couple experience such a sizzle in their relationship and are attracted to one another like two strong magnets.

I have a friend who goes to university and his face looks like its been run over by a car. He isn’t a good looking bloke yet I always see him with at least one lovely lady…sometimes five.

I don’t care how he looks, he might be insecure in how he looks, but do you think the groups of lovely women that are always around him care about his looks?

I seriously doubt it. Groups of guys and girls hang around the opposite sex because they want to be around them.

If the girls found my friend’s looks that repulsive they wouldn’t be around him in the first place.

Okay, so his face looks like its been run over by a car. The chicks dig him. What is he doing differently to you?

Why don’t you have guys or girls following you?

Why don’t you have the opposite sex begging for your attention?

Are you using the lie that you are not good looking enough?

Let me repeat so you understand because you must GET THIS.

OTHERS WILL FEEL ATTRACTED TO YOU IF YOU KNOW HOW TO EFFECTIVELY COMMUNICATE ATTRACTION.

My friend with the face that looks like it was run over by a car has the skills to effectively communicate attraction to the women around him.

This is why my friend will never have a problem in being single. He knows how attraction works.

Heck, I enjoy being around this guy because he’s great to talk to. If I was a woman (HOPEFULLY NEVER!), I can see why they are attracted to him.

This shows you the power of being able to communicate attraction.

When you know the skills and how to apply them, people enjoy being around you. They become attracted to your personality.

Your personality and conversational style become a people magnet.

I guarantee you will appear more attractive to others by knowing how to communicate attraction.

So, as you imagine how your life will change with the opposite sex by discovering attraction skills, think of what you will be able to do:

• You will have the opposite sex begging for your attention
• You will have the opposite sex crawling over you
• Your friends will be begging to know your secrets as attraction will be a mystery to them
• You’ll stop drowning in misery over being alone and single
• You will no longer be afraid of talking to a sexy girl or nice guy

What other possibilities have you imagined?

Feel what it will be like to have a partner hungry for you.

This is all possible.

It is about developing the communication skills to build attraction.

I’ve got great news for you today, AT LAST, you will be able to develop attraction building skills to “pull in” someone you want like a magnet pulling in metal. It’s all about communicating attraction.

For over 1 solid year I have strongly recommended and put my name behind two eBooks. One is for single guys who want these attraction skills in their lives and the other ebook is for women wanting to get these attraction skills to attract “Mr Right”.

FOR SINGLE GUYS

If you’re a single guy who wants to be able to turn a woman on (at your will), this IS for YOU.

It doesn’t matter that you can’t go up to a lady and start a conversation because this will solve it for you.

It doesn’t matter even if you can’t look a hot woman in her eyes because this is, in fact for you.

The eBook you’re about to learn more on in a link below is called “Double Your Dating” by David DeAngelo.

David DeAngelo has taught at least over 500 000 thousand single men (he teaches over 1 million people attraction including married guys and women who “spy in” and learn from him) how to turn a woman on using attraction skills.

To learn more of how you can get your hands on the steering wheel of your life with women so you are in control (instead of women and situations controlling you), you will at last discover with your copy of “Double Your Dating” by clicking here.

FOR SINGLE WOMEN

If you’re a single woman sick-and-tired of not finding a nice guy you share a “connection” with, then you’ll love this.

If you are fed-up with guys scared to commit to a serious relationship, then you’ll love this.

If you want to discover AT LAST, how you can attract “Mr Right” and feel that magical connection, this is for you.

The eBook you’re about to learn more on in a link below is called “catch Him and Keep Him” by Christian Carter.

This eBook has helped women from all around the world attract men. These women no longer lose the “magical connection” they experience when meeting a new guy they think is “Mr Right”. These women also no longer experience a failing “big talk” where most men shut you out as you try to communicate to them.

To learn how you can attract “Mr Right” and keep him for good instead of feeling distanced from him, visit “Catch Him and Keep Him” by clicking here.

To your new attraction success,

Joshua Uebergang

P.S. Here are the links again so you don’t miss out on learning these powerful attraction skills to attract the guy or girl you want into your life:

- Single guys: “Double Your Dating”
- Single women: “Catch Him and Keep Him”

Like any communication skill, there are tips you can follow to speed up the relationship building process. Learning these three phone skills is a sure fire way to build a strong relationship fast and have your new acquaintance loving you. Here are the three tips on phone skills you can use next time you are on the phone. Just be careful you do not find these tips so powerful you avoid seeing people altogether!

The telephone is a different medium to traditional face-to-face communication. What does this mean to you? Rules change and tips can be adapted to help you build your relationship.

The first tip I recommend you whack into your new phone skills bag of tricks is mentioning their name more often. Our names are a sweet tune of music to our ears. It is a fast way to build a relationship. In everyday conversations if you mention someone’s name too often then you come off as a try hard, needy, and desperate – much like a poor-old salesman. You can get away with mentioning their name more using it to build the relationship because the phone is a different medium. The person will subliminally fall in love with you.

Another difference you can take advantage of to enhance your relationships is countering for the inability to communicate body language. Our non-verbal communication is a strong broadcast tower we send signals from to help others understand us. Without the visual option to see your partner, your and their inability to read body language when the other person is talking over the phone can hurt understanding and connection. You can improve your phone skills despite lacking the connection built through body language by communicating extra energy.

Communication experts estimate varying your voice expressions an extra 30%. If you are happy the person did something well, put an extra 30% of energy in your voice when saying “That is awesome. Congratulations.” or with “I’m happy you succeeded.” If you are sad, then lose 30% of energy in your voice. The change of energy communicated through your vocalics will build a connection with your partner, improve understanding, and the person will have a feeling of being next to you which all enhances your relationship fast.

The last phone skill I recommend you learn is to develop a mood match. This tip relates to the previous two tips: 1) mentioning their name more and 2) adding extra energy through your voice as it builds connection. It works because like attracts like. There is no doubt about. It is a branch of the law of attraction where us humans attract and are attracted to what is similar to us. Mood is one of many communication factors of the other person you can match. Mood matching is a great way to build a relationship fast.

When all three tips on building a relationship fast and strong are combined, you have the phone skills to build relationship over long distances quick! You can apply these skills to a newly met boyfriend, girlfriend, and client or even on your long term relationships to continue building them and improving your life. The telephone can lack intimacy, but when you apply these skills you can have your relationship roaring with a fast and strong fire of intimate connection.

Joshua Uebergang is owner of http://www.Free-Relationship-Advice.org where he teaches people free relationship advice. His work is recognised by communication, personal development, and psychology experts, authors, and public speakers. He encourages you to get the amazing benefits you can receive in your life from developing yourself and communication skills by getting your free trial-subscription to his communication skills newsletter here. Signup now and receive a special bonus.

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