Communicating is an art, and art of combining the ability to express your opinions and feelings in such a way as to ensure that the person or people you are talking to understand what you are trying to say with the ability to listen and understand another person’s point of view.

The number of times I have sat in a room, often in meetings and at conferences and I’ve just watched and listened to what is going on around me. It is totally fascinating when whole groups of people have no ability to listen to their colleagues, partners or friends and therefore cannot understand or comprehend any opinion other than their own.

What could have been covered in five minutes or learned in half an hour often takes hours or days just because people refuse to sit back, listen and understand.

Over the years it’s amazing the number of times people are provided with information that, if they acted upon, could totally alter a relationship, career or the success of a business. But, because the sheer lack of peoples ability to listen to and think through another persons point of view unique opportunities pass them by.

Relationships are no different to the work environment other than there are, usually, just two of you. Often, what could be a marriage made in heaven is destroyed by the sheer inability to communicate. The most successful relationships, be it business or personnel are those whereby both parties have strong verbal and listening skills.

Many relationship problems begin with poor communication. Couples often feel that their partner should know what they are thinking and how they feel so do not communicate and then wonder why they feel neglected and under valued.

How many people decide not to tell their partner something just because they don’t know how to say it and then the problem just eats away at the relationship until there is no relationship left? What a waste, just the sheer ability to share a problem can make what seemed to be an insurmountable issue a tiny little blip on a large horizon.

So whenever you feel stressed or don’t know what to do don’t just bottle it up, talk about it, seek advice and listen to the answer. Don’t keep quiet when you know in your heart a problem has to be aired and don’t put off until tomorrow what has to be sorted today. Tomorrow never comes!!

It is how you say something that will ruin a relationship and not what you have to say. The wrong way is just to blurt out something that you know will aggravate or distress your partner. The last thing you want is for them to get defensive, storm off or burst into floods of tears. You want the person you are trying to communicate with to be open and perceptive and in order to be able to achieve this, your timing and approach has to be right.

Every individual is different what will work with one person won’t necessarily work with another and with some people all you can do is sew the seed and then let them walk away and work it out for themselves.

One person I know never actually listens to anyone. She is one of those people who is always right no matter what, hasn’t a clue about being a team player and operates within a zero tolerance zone. Traditional approaches and method of reasoning just don’t work and alls you can do is plant the seed of thought which eventually develops into her, own acceptable idea.

Given peoples individuality you need to learn what, is the right approach for you and your partner. Make sure that you never start a discussion if you don’t have time to finish it, don’t insist on a debate when one of you is off out to work, dealing with the kids or just relaxing in front of their favourite TV programme. If the timing seems to be never right ask the question ‘when would it be a good time for us to just sit down and talk?’. Whatever you do, do not let yourself appear agitated either in what you say or how you say it. Body language can just as easily put your partner on the defensive as what you say to them. Even if your partner is vying for a fight just don’t react.

Remember, the first golden rule, approaching defensive with defensive is a sure way to failure.

One of the key ways to improve communication is to develop strong listening skills. Couples often fail to listen to what their partner has to say, interrupt and give the impression that no matter what is said they won’t change their mind. One trick to ensure that you have listened and you do understand is to repeat what you have heard. This will demonstrate that you have listened to what was said and by repeating it back you have the opportunity to comprehend and understand.

How often do we try and work through a problem and it’s only at the point we are explaining the issue to someone else does the magic light bulb switch on which enables us to come up with the answer.

If you are taking an exam would you expect to know everything just by being told it once? For most people I would say not. We have to work at it and work at it hard.

No one ever said marriage would be easy it’s just another lesson we have to learn as we experience life but if you want to save your marriage and make it even more special than it was before then there is very little to stop you.

Relationship problems can lay heavy on your mind, become a burden and what was originally a small issue can develop into an insurmountable mountain.

If you begin to feel that marital issues are beginning to weigh heavily on your mind, take a break and do something you enjoy and preferably with your partner. If you can refocus your attention of the better things in life, day to day issues always seem that much smaller. Spending a little time together and enjoying each other’s company could enable you and your partner to recapture some of the feelings that have been lost through constant arguing and help you regain a positive perspective on your relationship.

Just one last word of advice, when you are feeling down and feel you no longer want to save your marriage just remember that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.

If you believe you have financial issues now what do you think it will be like when you split your assets, if you feel you don’t have time to do things what will it be like when you are on your own or worse a single parent and if you feel lonely now how will you feel when every time you walk in your front door all’s you have is your own company. Now none of these thoughts have been aired to encourage you to stay in a bad relationship but rather to make you consider whether or not yours is as bad as you think.

You are the master of your own destiny and if you want to turn a bad marriage around you have the power at your fingertips.

For more valuable information on how to save your marriage please visit: http://www.saveyourmarriage.marriagehealth.com

In Corrogue it is frosty.

The ramp into our “acre of diamonds” is now firm underfoot where before it was a sea of mud. Murphy our dog runs excitedly by my side. We are on our way to release the chickens from the coop. They are to be fed porridge oats in milk.

Murphy has become an honorary chicken. He has been self-appointed. He now eats with the hens and cockerels as I give them their long awaited breakfast. They are now together, dog and birds, loving this life that is secure and satisfying for them.

I am becoming clearer. I am becoming more integrated and more know of the flow of this life. I am become a soul friend. I am becoming what is known in the Celtic tradition an Anam Cara. This translates as Anam meaning “soul” and Cara meaning “friend.”

Like our beautiful dog Murphy I am busy rounding up different aspects of my less integrated self. These are pieces that are like different chickens within a roost. I gently bring them together in love and acceptance. I imagine myself sitting atop a chicken coop with my chicken friends and we would debate various life questions.

We might ask “What does it mean to be a seeker after soul.” We would squawk about our inner life. We would peck at the question “is the unexamined life worth living?” We would joke about what happened when the chicken crossed the road. More seriously we would scratch in the earth to query that existential question, “What came first – the chicken or the egg?”

One of our favourite hens (and I have to acknowledge I do have favourites) is Boddica. She is fearless. She would be the hen to ask fierce questions. She is the hen equivalent of a soul friend. She probes your knowing and understanding of who you really are. She might ask, “What does an Anam Cara do?

In answer to Bodica`s question I would humbly reply thus.

An Anam Cara loves your essence.

They see you beyond your mask. This is the mask of persona. This is what you call personality. They see beyond the fear. They see the absence of love. This is love you withdraw from others and yourself. This is the love that is your real power. This does not mean they have to like YOU. You are the one that gets in the way of soul. You soul is the light of love and it needs light. It needs the lightness of being. An Anam Cara will remind you simply “to be.”

An Anam Cara lives close to the land.

They might be found roosting with chickens. They love the elements of fire, water, earth and air. They are elemental beings although they are more down to earth than mental. Some might consider they exhibit opposite traits. They love sensuality and sexuality. They love the play of Eros. This takes them on the wing. An Anam Cara will remind you to come to your senses and be sensational.

An Anam Cara guides you to the presence you are.

They are people of the silence. They listen. They do not debate. They do not fill you up with knowledge. They transmit the knowing of love. They touch you with beauty. This is not their beauty but the beauty of the Beloved. They move in the world as nobodies of import. They do not puff up your ego. They may build your ego up. They do so in order that you can disappear. This is in order that you can fly the coop. This is so you can enter the joy of leaving the prison house of never being enough.

An Anam Cara reminds you of what is important.

They guide you to knowing who you are. They take you into what are called in Ireland “thin places.” They take you to the edge. They coax you to the edge. When you are trusting enough they push you. They know this is the only way for you to learn to fly. They know you are an eagle that was brought up in a society of chickens. The Anam Cara will take you soaring. The very air that will take you higher is learning trust and faith in your essential goodness.

An Anam Cara takes you to the source. You will be taken beyond time and space to the very souse of your being. This will be done using different techniques depending on which Anam Cara you talk with. There will be techniques to take you out of the constant chatter of the coop into the light heartedness of life beyond the chicken wire. These techniques take you into ease and allow you to give up dis-ease.

An Anam Cara will affirm YOU.

You will be told that YOU are forever enough. This is because the Anam Cara knows that you are forever enough. They have seen beyond the limitation of the ego. They know the prison house of the little self. They know you hold the key to liberation. Only they might tell you that the door is always open. It was and never will be shut to you. They have trust that “all is well and all manner of things shall be well.”

An Anam Cara does really care.

They know you are always held in the hand of the Beloved. They are not here to do anything for or to you. They are only there to facilitate your discovery that you are always enough. They know that what you need is not more of anything but a great big helping of “no thing.” This gives your soul true rest. This is where you give up trying to live life and become life abundant. You become the flow of the essential. Nothing matters because it all matters. Ultimately they take you to love of soul.

So this is how I would answer my Anam Cara soul hen.

Would she be satisfied? I am not sure. I know she would think I have avoided the real question. “What comes first? – the chicken or the egg.” I compensate by tenderly gathering her up in my arms. I stroke her beautiful chicken head. I tell her, “I love you.” I tell her, “You are a forever enough hen.” She goes off and lays another golden egg.

I leave the coop. I leave this Chicken Coop for the Soul and return up the ramp to our cottage. I am gathered in. I leave Murphy to debate the rudiments of flying. He is on the edge. He is excited. One day soon he too hopes to fly. The question is, “Which soul hen will do the pushing.”

Blessings upon you and those you love and do not love.

Tony Cuckson is an Anam Cara. This Celtic term means “Soul Friend.” He specializes in providing insight for the spiritual journey,words of wisdom and finding inner peace.Get your free report called “7 ways to it’s a wonderful life” at http://www.irishblessingsmatter.com or visit Tony’s Blog at http://www.irishblessingsmatter.info

She did not operate with the social belief that she should choose her friends only from people her own age. We became very close friends and remained so until her death at the age of eight-two.

When Doris turned seventy-five, she was already widowed. The week she turned seventy-five, Doris threw two birthday parties for herself, one on a Wednesday night, and one on Saturday. Over thirty different people attended each party. I was the only person invited to both. In all, about seventy of Doris’ friends came that week to celebrate her birthday. On both nights many people stayed until past one in the morning.

As I looked around the room at both parties that week in amazement, I noticed that the people attending her birthday parties were of all ages. They included toddlers, teens, middle-aged people, and the elderly.

Doris had never restricted herself to making friends only within her own age group. She had always made it a point to befriend people of all ages. Consequently, she did not suffer the same social fate so many elderly people face when their circle of same-age friends starts to dwindle from sickness and death. I hoped that when I was the same age as Doris that I would be able to have as many friends and acquaintances gathered to help celebrate my birthday.

I didn’t know any other people her age who could throw two birthday parties in one week, and have seventy people show up. I wondered how Doris had made so many friends.

She had never been wealthy, but over the years Doris and her husband had made a practice of opening their hearts and their home to many people. They not only befriended a lot of people and maintained those friendships over the years, but they also befriended the children of their friends, and stayed friends with the younger generation.

I noticed that whenever I brought some of my own friends with me to visit Doris, she never treated my friends as expendable people that she would never see again.

She was gracious and kind and interested in all of them. Her caring about each human being was always apparent. When we finished our visit, Doris would often extend an invitation to the friends I had brought to come and visit her again, and many of them did so.

When she issued invitations Doris never seemed as if she were inviting people because she was lonely or desperate for company. Her invitations were always genuinely joyful. She loved meeting people and wanted to see them again.

As Doris neared the end of her life, she became very ill and very poor. Yet, she never lacked for love and support from the many friends she had kept making throughout her whole life.

I learned something important that week at Doris’ two birthday parties. I realized that we make a big mistake if we tell young and middle-aged people to invest their money for their old age, but neglect to tell them that it is at least as important to invest in relationships with other people.

We make a mistake if we don’t tell people that it is just as important to invest kindness in the people we meet, and invest our interest in them. There are other kinds of investment accounts besides those that are held by banks. A big bank account won’t make up for loneliness in your old age.

I decided that if I wanted to have as many friends as Doris did, I would have to keep making friends and keep maintaining friendships my whole life. I would have to make friends with people of all ages, including those much younger and much older than me.

Older people confront unique challenges in trying to maintain a satisfying social life. Many people find it difficult to make new friends as they get older.

As people age they often face social, health and monetary challenges. Older people may become less physically mobile. They often have less money to spend on recreation and entertainment.

Older people are also more likely to suffer from depression. They may be physically frail and afraid to go out at night. Even if they remain healthy themselves, aging people experience the deaths of long time friends and spouses, resulting in a shrinking circle of social and emotional support.

In the modern western world, older people are often treated as if their usefulness is finished, and as if what they have to say is not really relevant to the young.

A lot of older people are shocked to discover when they retire at the age of sixty or sixty-five, that the friendships they thought had developed at work do not survive the retirement party.

In many modern societies, older people are socially marginalized, and left to socialize solely with each other. People in North America are much more segregated along age lines than people in some other parts of the world. In North America, teenagers tend to socialize with other teenagers, and older people are expected to make friends with other older people.

No matter where you live, or what your age, you do not need to follow your local society’s dictates about what age your friends should be. You do not need to restrict yourself to making friends only with your own age group.

If you are concerned that you may be lonely in your later years, the time to start doing something about it is now, no matter what your current age might be.

As you grow older, make sure you stay living in the present, not in the past. In your conversations with others, don’t be fixated on who you used to be, or on your current ailments.

Be willing to make many social approaches to others, no matter what the outcome. Stay interested in the current world, stay optimistic, and keep a youthful, open mind.

This article is taken from the new book by Royane Real titled “How You Can Have All the Friends You Want – Your Complete Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends, and Keeping Friends ” Check it out at http://www.royanereal.com

Has your child ever asked you that question? It’s not an easy one to answer. Children are often cruel to one another and their methods for choosing friends are often irrational to the adult mind.

Unfortunately, there is no quick-fix answer to make a child instantly popular. As parents, the best we can do, is guide our children in the right direction and teach them the proper skills necessary for making friends.

Read these ten simple tips with your child. Talk about how your child can implement these steps in their daily lives. Show your child by example what it means to be a good friend.

1. BE WILLING TO TAKE A CHANCE
Yes, it’s scary to go to a new class or move into a new neighborhood where you don’t know anyone. Do you feel like everyone is staring at you? Are you afraid they will laugh at you? Remind your child that someone has to take the first step. If you’re not willing to take a chance, you’ll never make any new friends.

2. FIND SOMEONE WHO LIKES THE SAME THINGS YOU DO
It’s true; some people are best friends and have nothing in common. But most people become friends because they both like to ride bicycles, go roller-skating or play computer games together. Make a list of things your child likes to do. Who do you know that likes the same things? Encourage them to spend time together.

3. LET PEOPLE KNOW YOU LIKE THEM
Remind your child that you don’t know when he’s hungry unless he tells you. No one can read minds. Other children are often just as shy or insecure as your child.

4. MAKE THEM FEEL IMPORTANT
Everybody has something they do really well. And no one ever gets enough compliments. Teach your child to appreciate other people’s strengths. It will show they really care.

5. DON’T WORRY SO MUCH
Some children are natural born worriers. It’s easy to start to wonder – does my new friend really like me? Remind your child that if they’re talking with you and spending time with you, chances are they DO like you.

6. TAKE TIME TO LISTEN AND TIME TO GIVE
Even very young children like to share the exciting moments of their day with someone. Encourage your child to listen as much as they talk. Listening to each other talk about the good things and bad is called support. A friend is the best support system you can have.

7. DON’T KEEP SCORE
Friendships aren’t always a 50-50 split. Someone always needs a little more than the other one. That’s okay. Remind your child that when they do a favor for a friend they don’t need to expect something in return.

8. ACCEPT THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOU
Tell your child that best friends do not need to be twins. Friends can and should dress differently and like to do different things. Teach your child to appreciate a friend and to not try and change them.

9. LEARN HOW TO APOLOGIZE AND HOW TO FORGIVE
When your child hurts a friend’s feelings, encourage them to say, “I’m sorry.” When your child’s feelings are hurt, don’t let them hold a grudge.

10. WORK AT BEING A GOOD FRIEND
Let your child know that good friendships don’t just happen, they take work. It’s like growing a garden – if you plant some flowers and just water them once in a while, they might still live, but they wouldn’t be very pretty to look at. Take care of your friendship, feed it well, and encourage it to grow.

Friends are an important part of your child’s social training. Good friendships build self-esteem and encourages emotional growth. Make sure your child has the skills to build solid friendships, and remind them that the best way to keep a friend is to be a good one yourself!

Susan Taylor Brown is the author of books for children including Can I Pray With My Eyes Open?, Oliver’s Must-Do List, and Robert Smalls Sails to Freedom.
You can read more about her at: http://www.susantaylorbrown.com

If you’re reading this right now and you’d like to learn more great parenting tips and strategies for raising happy children who have great relationships with you, then I highly recommend “Positive Parenting” which you can get today by clicking here.

It sounds almost too good to be true.

The skill that will give you these benefits is effective communication. In fact, the benefits of communication are too big to list here because communication enhances so many aspects of your life. Rudyard Kipling said “Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind.” Guess what? Communication goes beyond words so imagine how powerful it is now?

Here are a list of communication benefits and what, why, and how this amazing skill will definitely change your life:

Gives you happiness – You’ve probably heard money can’t buy happiness. This is true. You become happy by taking the right actions. Think about it. Happiness is at the core of the actions you take. The actions you make are not happiness itself but create and surround happiness. By taking action on developing yourself, you become happier. Effective communication skills make you happier by having joyous relationships, reduces anger of both parties talking, correctly express yourself, and other reasons.

Makes you attractive – The law of attraction states that you are a living magnet. You attract the people and resources in your life based on your internal self. Get excited because you do have invisible forces that draw and repel people. This isn’t mystical mumbo jumbo. There are many earthling factors such as communication and self development that you can control to attract people in your life. Communication goes way beyond verbal and non-verbal language. It is also the self development aspects such as confidence that create effective communication.

You become intimate – How do people become open in a relationship? Good communication of course because it is the only “bridge” between a relationship. Intimacy is about both people being open in a relationship. It is only through intimacy that a couple is able to know each other thoroughly.

More loving – This ties in with intimacy. You can be more loving towards your family by not only correctly communicating to them, but also through receiving their communication by using active listening skills. Showing interest in someone’s live will reciprocate to you interest and love.

Increased popularity – While a primary goal of mine in teaching others communication isn’t to make them the best known and most liked person in their school/town/club, it is rather increasing your popularity or likeability of the people you know now. However, effective communication can definitely make you popular amongst others because your conversational skills and friendliness will sky rocket.

More successful – John Johanson and Carrie Fried in the 2002 Teaching of Psychology Journal, asked graduates what their most useful skill was. The number one answer was interpersonal skills. Drew Appleby in a well known psychology magazine “Eye on Psi Chi” asked what job skills 39 employers desire in hiring people. Interpersonal skills were number one again. In fact, Brian Tracy (world renowned personal business consultant) in “Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life” says the highest paid form of intelligence in the United States is interpersonal intelligence. A person with such intelligence understands other’s feelings and desires, and employers are willing to pay for someone with these skills.

Relaxed – Stress is related to how we manage ourselves with the outside world. You can become more relaxed by assertively telling someone “no” if they ask you to do something you do not want to do. Also, by developing your communication and self using the techniques I teach in my newsletter, you learn to manage your emotions and thoughts to control stressful experiences.

Satisfied – You receive satisfaction when you get what you want. To get what you want, either someone gives it to you, or you get it for yourself. You cannot control what someone gives you (although you can influence), which means to become satisfied you must do it yourself or learn to relate to others. By developing your communication and self, you grow as a person enhancing your skills and creating satisfaction.

Self control – We interact with people everyday and often do things we later wish we hadn’t done. By developing self understanding (very important part in communication) as taught in my newsletter, you develop self control. Controlling yourself isn’t limited to stopping yourself from doing actions, but it also ‘controls’ you to do the right things.

Understand others – As you know, how we feel towards someone is all about our emotions. What often happens is you do not understand the person and their current emotions so you misunderstand them, respond inappropriately, or don’t know how they feel. By using effective communication you learn to read another person’s emotions, understand another person’s emotions, and communicate about another person’s emotions.

Understand yourself – I’m going to say this straight. If you are like most people, you do not understand yourself to your potential and it unknowingly to you hurts your life. Do you know why you behave the way you do? Do you always know what feelings you have? Why do you experience anger towards someone you love? This is why self understanding is so important in communication.

There are an abundance of further benefits to effective communication such as anger management, increased likelihood of receiving a job promotion, more persuasion, better leadership skills, and the list goes on. Hopefully now you can see the true power of communication. Let effective communication change your life today.

Sign-up now to my effective communication and self development newsletter by clicking here.

Joshua Uebergang is owner of EarthlingCommunication.com where he teaches people effective communication and personal development. His work is recognised by communication, personal development, and psychology experts, authors, and public speakers. He encourages you to get the amazing benefits you can receive in your life by developing yourself and communication skills by getting your free subscription to his effective communication skills and self development newsletter by clicking here. Signup now and receive a special bonus.

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Number one on my list is reading another person’s behaviour in an unnecessarily negative light, not finding a better way to see the situation, if that is possible. When we mis-read their behaviour and don’t cut them any slack, we tend to respond in very human ways.

The second dumb thing we can all do is not thinking before we speak or act. When we do this, often what we have to say comes out badly, at the wrong time, or we don’t talk at all. When we don’t think, we are tempted to do the same thing that helped create the problem in the first place.

Number three on my list is simply never finding a good time to talk due to concern about restarting an argument or unproductive conversation. The trouble with this approach is that many matters remain unresolved and the same issues come up again and again.

The fourth dumb thing we do is focusing solely on what the other person is doing wrong, trying to change their behaviour, rather than simply keeping the focus on what we are doing. When we do this, we are effectively trying to control what is out of our control rather than looking at any contribution we may be making.

Number five is insisting we be heard first rather than giving genuine understanding to how the other person is seeing things and how strongly they are feeling. If ever you watch a couple of people arguing, you will see them effectively saying, “Shut up and listen to me!”

The sixth dumb thing to do is to pretend you don’t have any personal flaws. Unfortunately, this is one of the worst personal flaws you can have, making it hard for you to give genuine apologies, make amends, or learn from your mistakes. It is also very, very annoying for other people to be constantly blamed for interactions in which they feel you have also made a contribution.

Number seven is not taking other people’s sensitivities into account. This makes it easy to offend or hurt them even when this has not been our intention. Rather than treading carefully around issues that have been hurtful to them, we tell them they are over-reacting, to get over it, or to sort themselves out in therapy.

The eighth dumb thing we can all do is to think that our way of seeing things is the only way. When we believe this, we tend to try to pressure the other person to come around to our perspective.

Number nine is to think that other people are wired the same as you. People are different in what helps them to feel happy and have different ways of doing things. But it is the way we deal with differences that is important. By accepting that people operate differently or see things differently, it becomes easier to accept difference or negotiate a common understanding for the future.

The tenth dumb thing we can do is to make choices to meet our needs, but in ways not respectful of other people’s needs. For example, we throw ourselves into our work instead of giving priority to the needs of our family. Or we have an affair, drink heavily, or spend too much time on the computer, all of which are not respectful of our partner’s needs. When you don’t take other people’s needs into account, or incorrectly target your efforts, they will not feel inspired to show consideration to you.

You might be tempted now to show your partner or a co-worker this article, circling the parts that apply to them. I suggest instead you might be better to say that there are things you can both do to help, keeping the focus on your own behaviour. Although my wife will remind me that when it comes to doing dumb things in relationships, men tend to excel in this regard. Fortunately, she also catches me doing a number of things right.

Ken Warren, known as “The Doctor of Difficult People”, is Australia’s leading speaker on the topic. He can show you how to turn difficult customers and co-workers into pussycats, make great teams even better, and achieve better outcomes with challenging clients. Check out his free resources at http://www.positivepeoplesolutions.com.au

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Ken_Warren
http://EzineArticles.com/?10-Dumb-Things-People-Do-in-Relationships&id=2012304

As soon as we turn on the morning show to watch a little T.V. before we go to work, we are always dealing with control. There will always be influences that try to get you to give up a piece if your mental sovereignty. It’s like the famous saying… “A mind is a terrible thing to waste!” The issue and elements of control and domination is an element of life that people battle with on a daily basis.

Nothing is more challenging than putting up with people who have power and control issues. This is one of the mysteries of life, which is, how does this kind of behavior exist in human beings and how can this behavior be corrected to advance the world into better relationships between countries, families, friends and strangers. The answer is not an easy one.

Controlling behavior and people kill relationships and can actually cause angst and anxiety. Here in America, it can also be linked to status and social problems.

People who are controlling are actually fearful and scared. To them, it’s easier to go the route of controlling people instead of dealing with people from a level of self respect and dignity. To them, having a controlling attitude saves energy and time. These people have visions of acting like an all powerful God with an overruling dominance over the lives of others. Life, to them is no sweat when giving the commands rather then receiving them.

Gangs such as the Crips and the Bloods use the art of psychological control to intimidate weaker members of the gang and enemies of the gang. Controlling people violates the moral code of others without any respect to their human nature yet people allow them to continue to control.

Most of us are controlled on a subliminal level. There are mechanisms that were created to separate you from your money (loud television ads), national gossip magazines and journals (junk food for the mind) and other things that invade your peace of being. The result is a reaction to being controlled with trying to become controlling in our own lives. The result is negative.

All emotional and verbal abuse is looking for an element to control. It’s like a negative energy attaching itself to a positive energy only in a controlling atmosphere; it drains the life out of you. All people want the edge in life and they will use control and manipulation to get what they want. We’ve been taught materialism and capitalism promotes status. How wrong we are!

Behavior that attempts to control you – regardless of the intensity – breaches your emotional borders and becomes abuse.

Being used or using others in this level of abuse is more than the obvious problems. Bullying takes effect when someone is called a name or made fun of. It also is part of things such as temper tantrums. On more obvious levels, this abuse can be seen in forms of physical violence that is used to intimidate others. Intimidation and bullying can even take place at higher levels, where individuals will use their status to place themselves above others. Despite what many have come to believe, control and abuse have become a part of culture on several levels.

Subtle controllers, subtle manipulators

Emotionally mature people raise children with respect for the lives of others, dignity, self worth while making others around them feel comfortable. These people do not show their children how to hate, intimidate and control others that are different from them or others that they might want to use as a crutch for their emotions.

Subtle controllers can be the worst because they basically don’t talk at all but you can see their disposition in their actions towards people or another person. These are the individuals that you never want to ho to help for because they will hold it over you for 100 years or more and they will, in essence, try to control their relationship with you via money and materialism.

These types of people seem to be okay on the outside but on the inside of their heart, they are full of deceit and lying. Their type of behavior comes on display after the light is turned on in your mind and sometimes our minds are sending us messages that we fail to listen to.

A relationship or friendship with a controller is always unhealthy and will take eventually, lead to the person being controlled, seeking counseling for their problem. When you feel off balance and that you don’t have the freedom to be you or feel that something is rotten in Denmark, then it’s time to check and getting rid of situations that are fully of trouble and contempt.

Self Check Analysis – What goes around comes around

Sometimes, we can be controlling and not know it. If you do have that problem, consider these things:

• Am I sincere in what I’m thinking or doing?
• Am I trying to hold someone hostage?
• Am I being prejudiced?
• Do I hate the person for no reason at all?

You know what goes around, comes around. I am a firm believer in Universal Law and karma. The karma will follow you like a wet blanket until you realize that you have to be baptized into all truth. This truth is the truth about ourselves. Once we are baptized into the higher knowledge of divine knowledge of the soul, then a person has a chance to learn and grow within themselves.

Protecting Yourself from Controlling Behavior

The damage of being controlled even once by someone will persist as long as you remain in the presence is having active communication with the person. Even if the person has perceived to be changed, they could pretty much be the same lame person that they were before and even lamer this time around!

Keep yourself free from these people and you’ll see your environment and health improve.

Joshua Uebergang gives people free interpersonal relationship advice. His work is recognised by communication, personal development, and psychology experts, authors, and public speakers. Signup now to his free newsletter at: http://www.free-relationship-advice.org and receive a special bonus that will help you get great relationships.

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The idea of being an introvert or an extrovert is defined in psychology as a personality trait. Personality traits are used to define characteristics, reactions in different situations and positions in which individuals define themselves in when they are placed in particular situations. The roles that are naturally in another’s definition are what cause someone to either be more inclusive in social situations or more to themselves.

Typically, a defined introvert or extrovert has allowed themselves to become this particular personality because it is a defense that has been effective in specific situations. If you are an introvert, for example, it may be because you see the definite rewards that are involved in being more exclusive in a crowd. You can define specific situations in which this personality trait has allowed you to be more effective in getting what you need or want from the situations.

What Defines an Introvert?

While you may have begun your path on being an introvert through an attempt to protect yourself in specific situations, it is also known that there are definite traits and characteristics that are a part of the personality. Those who have studied personalities have noticed a distinct line between introverts and extroverts, depending on the situation, which allows individuals to find their own personality in relation to social situations.

When one looks at an introvert, it is expected that specific responses will be heard. Have you ever said to yourself things such as “I know myself.” Maybe you have told someone that you are “free to pursue your own path.” Typically, introverts are the less accepted type of personality because of the socialization that has not been developed according to other cultural standards that rely on outgoing individuals and extroverts.

Beyond the social and psychological definitions of an introvert are also direct biological distinctions between the two groups. It has been shown that the nerves and chemicals that are sent to the brains of introverts, in relation to extroverts, take a different type of path, which is what causes the initial reaction of inwardness among introverts. Specifically, the reticular activating systems, where alertness and stimuli begin in the brain, are significantly lower in introverts. Other stimulated points of the brain, such as the anterior thalamus, where the stimuli are sent to the frontal lobe are also known to have a delayed reaction in introverts.

The stimuli that affects the brain in introverts and carries a different path towards stimuli is then balanced out with other areas of the brain that are stimulated instead and lead to more introverted qualities. For example, the armygdala, where the emotions are stimulated in the brain, will often times have a higher stimulus in introverts when in a social situation. In extroverts, this will be attached to the motor area, but introverts will usually process these types of thoughts through a longer and different pathway. At the same time, the long term memory in introverts will be stimulated in social situations. For extroverts, the social situations will stimulate short term memory, allowing them to connect to motor skills more quickly and react sharply to the situation.

The major difference between introverts and extroverts is nothing but the connection of wires in the brain, which causes a reaction that stimulates the energy in both types of individuals in different ways. Introverts are at one of the spectrum that defines an energy that moves inward to defining themselves. Extroverts, on the other hand, move in outer circles in order to gain their energy because of the wiring of the brain. Each of these energies will have different levels and temperaments, but is the main driving force of what individuals who are introverts or extroverts decide to do.

Why Change?

The first thing to recognize as an introvert is that being directed inwards is not a bad attribute. In fact, it is simply the way that you have been programmed. The discovery of yourself is acceptable and should be permissible. At the same time, it is important to keep in mind that the world in which we live is extroverted. In order to adjust into a society that weighs its importance on social networks is the need to begin extending a network into the culture you are in.

It is shown that the number of extroverts to introverts is at a three to one ratio. Extroverts are the ones that are more likely to go outside, find a social network, and begin expanding themselves through the people that are found. Because of this, extroverts are more likely to be the cultural foundation that is seen. However, you can learn to change your approaches in order to begin affiliating in a culture based on extroversion, while continuing to keep your true energy that focuses on the inward.

The idea is not necessarily to change from being an introvert to an extrovert, but instead to transform into an image that will allow you to benefit from the various aspects of life that will help you to attain your goals and dreams. While you can continue to find privacy and development of yourself as an important concept, you can also find the freedom to explore others and their abilities to connect with you by developing aspects of extroverted characteristics.

Steps to Extroversion

One of the things to keep in mind when moving into extroverted social affiliations is it is a way to achieve your goals. It is important to keep in mind that this is done in a culture that is more likely to accept extroversion. You don’t have to loose your true identity as an introvert, and can use the social affiliation whenever you want to move back to your roots of understanding yourself.

The first thing that you should acknowledge is whether you want to truly change. Thinking about the goals that you can achieve by focusing your energy outwards for short amounts of time is the first recognition to the evaluation of a society that achieves things through social networks. At the same time, you can also recognize that by simply displaying attributes of extroversion, you will have other possibilities opened to you by including social networks into the world that you have developed.

You should also keep in mind that there are several introverts that, by focusing on their goals towards a more social affiliation, have had the ability to achieve great success. Joan Allen, for example, has stated several times that she favors privacy more than social networks. However, she continues to be an accomplished actress, understanding that the extroversion of getting out and taking the chances is more important than always being in a private space. Others such as Michael Jordon, Gwyneth Paltrow, Laura Bush, Bill Gates and even Steve Martin have all stated their true nature of being introverts, but have trained themselves to focus on an extroverted energy to achieve what they want.

The first step that you will want to take into transforming into extroversion is to find the social places that you are comfortable with and can allow yourself to be more comfortable in. For example, maybe you have friends that you are more open with and that you enjoy spending time with. Maybe you have specific career moves that have pushed you into being more extroverted. Starting in places that you are already comfortable with is your first step to transformation.

The next step to take is a beginning to shift your energy. For example, if you are in a social situation, make one energetic attempt to be more outgoing, such as meeting someone new or expanding your network of people to socialize with, even if it is only for the evening. It is not necessary for you to change your entire personality, but instead, work towards focusing your energy at little times on building social networks that may be important to you.

Over time, you will begin to feel a shift in your energies. While you can still keep your true nature of being an introvert, you can also learn how to focus your energies into social occasions, allowing you to achieve what you want in a culture that is based off of socialization. The rewards are simple: you will have the ability to expand your possibilities for friendships, ideas and even career, leading you into a more effective lifestyle with both the ability to know yourself and to know others.

If you are working on specific goals or want to expand your possibilities, than working towards understanding yourself through social networks is a great way to begin achieving goals. It is not necessary to re-wire your brain or find different ways to focus your energy. Instead, you can simply begin to step out of the skin you are in so that you can develop more skills of understanding and can begin to develop skills and goals that you have always dreamed of.

Joshua Uebergang can give you free relationship advice online. His work is recognised by communication, personal development, and psychology experts, authors, and public speakers. He encourages you to get the amazing benefits you can receive in your life from developing yourself and communication skills by getting your free trial-subscription to his relationship skills newsletter here. Signup now and receive a special bonus.

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Empathy versus Sympathy

If you are communicating with a friend or a loved one, you will need more than a bag of band-aids. Understanding the different ways to respond, and evaluating the most constructive communication can help you to become more constructive in your communication with others. If there is a dramatic happening, an emotional response to a situation or a phase in life that a friend needs help with, you can easily begin to balance the situation by your response.

One of the levels of communication that you can take with a relationship is by understanding the difference between empathy and sympathy. Both of these responses, while being effective, will provide more effective band-aids to what is being communicated with you. This will allow you to move deeper into a relationship and to begin to make a sincere connection with the communication that is occurring.

Responding through sympathy is known to be the band-aid for relationship communication. Being sympathetic for someone is simply the first step in a relationship. For example, if someone tells you about something that has occurred you will most likely respond by saying, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry that happened to you.” This is a sympathetic response because you are sorry for what has happened.

When you are practicing empathy, you are more willing to move deeper into the sympathetic understandings. Rather than a band-aid, you are willing to understand the pain of the wound that has occurred. Empathic understand requires you to move deeper into the situation and feel the pain that is being expressed to you through the communication. You will have the ability to evaluate what the other person is feeling and link it to your own emotions which will create the deeper understandings and empathy by feeling the pain the other person is going through.

Why Practice Empathy?

Many individuals will wonder what the big deal is about using empathy in a relationship. What is the difference between acknowledging someone’s level by using sympathy or by understanding it an internal level? The other person is obviously learning how to move past it and is able to express their emotions on their own.

When you begin to practice empathy in your relationships, you can also begin to create deeper and more intimate relationships with the other person. You are able to share the pain that is taking place. The result is a better support system and the ability to begin working on the feelings that have taken hold of the other person. Being in an intimate relationship with another person requires this deeper level of understanding.

Beyond understanding will be the ability to support and find ways to analyze the situation. When deeper levels of understanding occur, you are able to create a more constructive support system. When you can truly understand another’s pain, you can help them to begin to examine the emotions and move outside of the space that has been created for the suffering or sadness that they are going through. The result will be the ability to move the emotions into another direction towards changes and initiation past the pain that is occurring.

How to Practice Empathy

While sympathy is the beginning to good communication and understand, empathy can help move beyond the superficial levels of a relationship into true understand. Learning how to become empathetic to another person will give you the ability to have a more intimate relationship that is more conducive of growth and complete understanding.

You can begin to create more intimate relationships with someone by learning how to be sincere and empathic with someone. The beginning of this is by learning how to listen to someone on deeper levels. The first step to doing this is to listen to what is being said, not only through the situation that is being described, but also by the emotions that are attached to the situation.

After you are able to identify the feelings that are being stated, you can acknowledge your understanding of these feelings. This can either be done by internalizing the feelings or asking questions until you truly understand how the feelings have affected the person. Acknowledging and internalizing what is being said will help you to begin to create sympathy on a deeper level, moving into empathy for the other person’s pain.

Once you have created a connection by internalizing the feelings and situation is when you can begin to combine empathy with sympathy. You will begin to truly understand the pain from the other person and can then acknowledge that you understand how they feel. This acknowledgement can then be used in order to begin to evaluate and examine what has happened, leading to more intimate and constructive processes of friendship.

Understanding and practicing empathy is an important skill if you want to create relationships at a deeper and more intimate level. While sympathy can work as an acknowledgment, it is also seen as a band-aid. It can cover up the wound, but does not necessarily help for the pain to go away. Empathy on the other hand, will provide a medicine for the other person to begin to heal from the emotional and mental wound that has occurred. The result will benefit both the other person in progressing towards a better understanding of what is occurring as well as the ability for you to support and help the other person into more constructive abilities for moving past the problem. True and sincere connections in any relationship begin with abilities to practice empathy, while providing constructive solutions.

Joshua Uebergang is a young entrepreneur teaching people interpersonal relationship advice. His work is recognised by communication, personal development, and psychology experts, authors, and public speakers. Signup now to his free newsletter at his site and receive a special bonus that will help you get great relationships. You can also learn more good communication skills.

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When looking at friendships, it becomes important to define what makes a friendship in the beginning. Do we all simply become one’s friend or acquaintance because of looks? Or is there something deeper that drives us to begin to know certain people? Finding what the intentions are of the friendships that you have, and evaluating their importance is one of the most important aspects of opening the possibilities to what friendships can hold.

It is said that different cultures value various traits that are adapted into looks by certain individuals. The looks that are defined then cause social inclusion or exclusion by specific groups according to what is acceptable or not. The idea of social exclusion, especially in friendships has been studied through various groups which have defined what it means to exclude or judge someone.

Social exclusion by the way that people look can happen in friendships in two different ways. The first is that one can exclude themselves from specific groups because they do not believe that their looks will be accepted in the group. The second is when individuals exclude others because they are not up to a specific standard. This can happen either by taking the person completely out of the picture, or leaving them out of ‘benefits’ that may be a part of the friendship.

Judgment, when part of a friendship and in dealing with exclusion of certain individuals can be detrimental to personal relationships and feelings. Because of this, there is a need to begin to understand when judgment has gone too far and is becoming exclusive towards individuals that may not hold a specific standard in the way that they look, according to what has been dictated to individuals on a cultural level.

The culture that is known to define the judgments that we make, even at a friendship level, comes from the social pressures that are seen around us everyday. The media, television, movies, music and everyday situations build a set of definitions of what should be socially included or exclusive, especially among a group of friends. This is the first set of rules that defines what looks are acceptable for a set of people or a time period.

It is said that this social judgment can not be prevented because it has been built into our lifestyles on so many subconscious levels. However, it is also said that by taking responsibility for the judgments and beginning to change them into positive types of reinforcement, it can allow for an inclusive set of friends, instead of exclusive individuals that are not open to ideas, personalities or deeper relationships because of the defined looks that are acceptable first.

At the other side of inclusively with friendships is the willingness for those who look out of the ordinary to be available to the friendships that are not judgmental. If you have a specific style or look that sets you apart from a group of friends, it does not mean that you can not join that group of friends. This becomes a self-judgment, and can easily lead into victimization because of the exclusivity that is imposed on your own thoughts. A simple frame of mind into believing that your particular looks do not define who you can fit in with is the first step into creating a more inclusive society that does not base all the weight of friendships on one’s appearance.

If the judgments that you begin to make are defined by the external pressures that you face every day, instead of your better judgment is when you begin to define friends and relationships at a level that is not conducive to growing, learning or expanding your social inclusiveness. You are the only one who can be the judge on what is known to be appropriate to a friendship and what will define the foundation of what is acceptable, either by looks, or by deeper concerns.

Joshua Uebergang is a young entrepreneur teaching people interpersonal relationship advice. His work is recognised by communication, personal development, and psychology experts, authors, and public speakers. Signup now to his free newsletter at: http://www.free-relationship-advice.org and receive a special bonus that will help you get great relationships. You can also learn more tips to strengthen friendships.

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Secret #1: Take 3 Minutes to prepare.

Three minutes will unlock your ability to have a great date. Take a moment and mentally come up with four or five conversation topics and four or five conversation questions. Your topics and questions can include: -Personal experiences -Family -Joke -Recent events -Hobbies -News items -Etc.

Whenever a silent pause creeps up, you zap it. Either ask a question or share one of your topics. This brings up more discussion and more fun. All it takes is three minutes to prepare.

Secret #2: Find connections or things in common.

A fun conversation happens when both parties are talking on a subject they are both interested in. Look for things you both have in common or enjoy talking about.

At first you may not know what you both enjoy talking about. Quickly find this out with three steps: 1. Ask questions. 2. Listen for a connection. The other person may mention they enjoy movies. If you also enjoy movies, take a mental note. 3. Bring out the connection. Ask questions about the connection. Mention that you are also interested in that area.

Friendships are based on connections or things you have in common. As you discover connections, your friendship will deepen and the fun will intensify.

Tip #3: Show interest by asking questions and listening.

Do you want to impress the other person? Do you want to leave a great impression? Do you want to quickly make friends?

There is a simple way. Ask questions and listen. By focusing your spotlight of interest on the other person, they will talk, enjoy the date, and so will you.

A great practice is to count to five after the other person finishes talking. Often they will say more. You will leave a great impression and it will help keep you relaxed.

Tip #4: Relax, enjoy, have fun.

Relax-this is the key to a good date. Don’t feel like you have to force conversations. Just have fun.

Laugh at yourself. Show emotion. This will help break the ice. Many dates will have some awkward moments. Just accept it and keep applying the four secrets.

Instead of focusing on leaving a great impression, focus on applying the four secrets. You will then leave a great impression and have an awesome fun filled date!

Austin Barnes has developed the Conversation Success System which reveals how to have Great Conversation Skills in Less than Hour. A free email course called “10 Conversation Tips” is found here: http://www.conversationhelp.com/tips.php

If you’d like to discover more conversation secrets to attract and seduce women, then I highly recommend “How to Instantly Attract Any Woman” which you can get today by clicking here.

I know how much it sucks. If you’re single, maybe it sucks for you because:

• Your partner you once loved has left
• Your friends have a partner and you don’t
• You don’t think you’re good enough for someone else to love you
• You wonder whether you’ll ever find a beautiful lady or “Mr Right”

I know how much it really sucks to feel these depressing emotions. It hurts. I understand it is miserable being alone when you could be having fun with someone who loves you.

In past newsletters I’ve discussed some techniques used to build attraction.

These are techniques YOU can use to make another person feel more attracted towards you.

Did you get that?

What this means for you is how YOU communicate verbally and non-verbally determines your attractiveness.

It isn’t about looking more attractive. Rather, it is being perceived attractive through your communication.

Someone who communicates confidence non-verbally does appear more attractive to everyone else…

…But good confidence is just one area that can build attraction.

Maybe you’re wondering is attraction in the words you say?

You bet, but attraction is more then canned words. If words were enough to make someone love you then it’d be just a matter of memorizing a script.

You and I know something goes on much deeper.

There’s a problem though. What actually goes on?

What is the chemistry an exciting couple experience that gets them so turned-on to one another?

People have a hard time of explaining what this whole “firey-emotions” thing a couple feels is. They call it “love”, “attraction”, “love at first sight” but can’t explain what happens…

…But, can you see how this relates to communication?

People who don’t learn communication don’t understand why they argue with people.

People who don’t learn communication don’t understand why their emotions are bottled up inside.

People who don’t learn communication don’t understand why a family member would start yelling at him/her.

THE LINK HERE IS FEELING LOVE AND BEING ATTRACTED TO SOMEONE MELTS DOWN TO COMMUNICATION.

Those who don’t learn attraction communication don’t understand why an exciting couple experience such a sizzle in their relationship and are attracted to one another like two strong magnets.

I have a friend who goes to university and his face looks like its been run over by a car. He isn’t a good looking bloke yet I always see him with at least one lovely lady…sometimes five.

I don’t care how he looks, he might be insecure in how he looks, but do you think the groups of lovely women that are always around him care about his looks?

I seriously doubt it. Groups of guys and girls hang around the opposite sex because they want to be around them.

If the girls found my friend’s looks that repulsive they wouldn’t be around him in the first place.

Okay, so his face looks like its been run over by a car. The chicks dig him. What is he doing differently to you?

Why don’t you have guys or girls following you?

Why don’t you have the opposite sex begging for your attention?

Are you using the lie that you are not good looking enough?

Let me repeat so you understand because you must GET THIS.

OTHERS WILL FEEL ATTRACTED TO YOU IF YOU KNOW HOW TO EFFECTIVELY COMMUNICATE ATTRACTION.

My friend with the face that looks like it was run over by a car has the skills to effectively communicate attraction to the women around him.

This is why my friend will never have a problem in being single. He knows how attraction works.

Heck, I enjoy being around this guy because he’s great to talk to. If I was a woman (HOPEFULLY NEVER!), I can see why they are attracted to him.

This shows you the power of being able to communicate attraction.

When you know the skills and how to apply them, people enjoy being around you. They become attracted to your personality.

Your personality and conversational style become a people magnet.

I guarantee you will appear more attractive to others by knowing how to communicate attraction.

So, as you imagine how your life will change with the opposite sex by discovering attraction skills, think of what you will be able to do:

• You will have the opposite sex begging for your attention
• You will have the opposite sex crawling over you
• Your friends will be begging to know your secrets as attraction will be a mystery to them
• You’ll stop drowning in misery over being alone and single
• You will no longer be afraid of talking to a sexy girl or nice guy

What other possibilities have you imagined?

Feel what it will be like to have a partner hungry for you.

This is all possible.

It is about developing the communication skills to build attraction.

I’ve got great news for you today, AT LAST, you will be able to develop attraction building skills to “pull in” someone you want like a magnet pulling in metal. It’s all about communicating attraction.

For over 1 solid year I have strongly recommended and put my name behind two eBooks. One is for single guys who want these attraction skills in their lives and the other ebook is for women wanting to get these attraction skills to attract “Mr Right”.

FOR SINGLE GUYS

If you’re a single guy who wants to be able to turn a woman on (at your will), this IS for YOU.

It doesn’t matter that you can’t go up to a lady and start a conversation because this will solve it for you.

It doesn’t matter even if you can’t look a hot woman in her eyes because this is, in fact for you.

The eBook you’re about to learn more on in a link below is called “Double Your Dating” by David DeAngelo.

David DeAngelo has taught at least over 500 000 thousand single men (he teaches over 1 million people attraction including married guys and women who “spy in” and learn from him) how to turn a woman on using attraction skills.

To learn more of how you can get your hands on the steering wheel of your life with women so you are in control (instead of women and situations controlling you), you will at last discover with your copy of “Double Your Dating” by clicking here.

FOR SINGLE WOMEN

If you’re a single woman sick-and-tired of not finding a nice guy you share a “connection” with, then you’ll love this.

If you are fed-up with guys scared to commit to a serious relationship, then you’ll love this.

If you want to discover AT LAST, how you can attract “Mr Right” and feel that magical connection, this is for you.

The eBook you’re about to learn more on in a link below is called “catch Him and Keep Him” by Christian Carter.

This eBook has helped women from all around the world attract men. These women no longer lose the “magical connection” they experience when meeting a new guy they think is “Mr Right”. These women also no longer experience a failing “big talk” where most men shut you out as you try to communicate to them.

To learn how you can attract “Mr Right” and keep him for good instead of feeling distanced from him, visit “Catch Him and Keep Him” by clicking here.

To your new attraction success,

Joshua Uebergang

P.S. Here are the links again so you don’t miss out on learning these powerful attraction skills to attract the guy or girl you want into your life:

- Single guys: “Double Your Dating”
- Single women: “Catch Him and Keep Him”

Like any communication skill, there are tips you can follow to speed up the relationship building process. Learning these three phone skills is a sure fire way to build a strong relationship fast and have your new acquaintance loving you. Here are the three tips on phone skills you can use next time you are on the phone. Just be careful you do not find these tips so powerful you avoid seeing people altogether!

The telephone is a different medium to traditional face-to-face communication. What does this mean to you? Rules change and tips can be adapted to help you build your relationship.

The first tip I recommend you whack into your new phone skills bag of tricks is mentioning their name more often. Our names are a sweet tune of music to our ears. It is a fast way to build a relationship. In everyday conversations if you mention someone’s name too often then you come off as a try hard, needy, and desperate – much like a poor-old salesman. You can get away with mentioning their name more using it to build the relationship because the phone is a different medium. The person will subliminally fall in love with you.

Another difference you can take advantage of to enhance your relationships is countering for the inability to communicate body language. Our non-verbal communication is a strong broadcast tower we send signals from to help others understand us. Without the visual option to see your partner, your and their inability to read body language when the other person is talking over the phone can hurt understanding and connection. You can improve your phone skills despite lacking the connection built through body language by communicating extra energy.

Communication experts estimate varying your voice expressions an extra 30%. If you are happy the person did something well, put an extra 30% of energy in your voice when saying “That is awesome. Congratulations.” or with “I’m happy you succeeded.” If you are sad, then lose 30% of energy in your voice. The change of energy communicated through your vocalics will build a connection with your partner, improve understanding, and the person will have a feeling of being next to you which all enhances your relationship fast.

The last phone skill I recommend you learn is to develop a mood match. This tip relates to the previous two tips: 1) mentioning their name more and 2) adding extra energy through your voice as it builds connection. It works because like attracts like. There is no doubt about. It is a branch of the law of attraction where us humans attract and are attracted to what is similar to us. Mood is one of many communication factors of the other person you can match. Mood matching is a great way to build a relationship fast.

When all three tips on building a relationship fast and strong are combined, you have the phone skills to build relationship over long distances quick! You can apply these skills to a newly met boyfriend, girlfriend, and client or even on your long term relationships to continue building them and improving your life. The telephone can lack intimacy, but when you apply these skills you can have your relationship roaring with a fast and strong fire of intimate connection.

Joshua Uebergang is owner of http://www.Free-Relationship-Advice.org where he teaches people free relationship advice. His work is recognised by communication, personal development, and psychology experts, authors, and public speakers. He encourages you to get the amazing benefits you can receive in your life from developing yourself and communication skills by getting your free trial-subscription to his communication skills newsletter here. Signup now and receive a special bonus.

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The first active listening skill you can begin using right away in building good relationships is questioning. Asking questions by firing them away like an interrogator pounding his suspicious criminal is as effective as one-way communication. Questioning in active listening skills is more about the quality of the question. You are not an interrogator in your relationship so do not act like one. If there is something you do not understand, then ask your partner to rephrase, restate, or repeat the statement. Active questioning skills are an effective technique when combined with body language because it will communicate an interest towards your partner.

I believe the most important aspect of active listening is good body language. Without effective use of your body language, no matter how good your questioning or other forms of active listening are, your intention to build a good relationship will fall through the floor. Effective body language communicates an interest when combined with questioning. Face your partner and show the person you are there primary concern. Also make good eye contact. Screaming kids, noisy crowds, and football on the television are all distractions that will pull your eyes and focus away from what really matters.

The last of the three active listening skills I will discuss in this article is using summarizing. This technique is not known to many so chances are you do not use this skill. Even if you know of this technique, I aim to encourage you to pull it out of your communication bag of tricks to improve your relationships. Summarizing involves rephrasing what the person has said in your own words. The secret here is “in your own words”. There are around four summarizing techniques involving an emphasis on emotions, facts, and combinations of the two.

Summarizing plays a role in developing an understanding of what your partner is saying and develops a connection. It is a great technique to build intimacy in your relationship. I encourage you to even use summarizing in everyday social situations and conversations as it helps to build the connection. The other person hears your summary of what he or she said and knows you understand or will then restate what you do misunderstand. He or she will also see you are interested because you are able to restate what was said. When combined with good body language, your interest is communicated the entire time during the conversation.

Active listening skills are an essential technique to develop if you want to build a good relationship. The listening skills are useful in more then just building intimate relationships as you can just as effectively apply them in social conversations. In addition, combine effective questioning, good body language, and summarizing together and you will begin to use the power of active listening in your relationships. There are more listening skills I definitely recommend you learn if you wish to master two-way communication to build great relationships but these tips are a great start.

Joshua Uebergang is owner of http://www.Free-Relationship-Advice.org where he teaches people free relationship advice online. His work is recognised by communication, personal development, and psychology experts, authors, and public speakers. He encourages you to get the amazing benefits you can receive in your life from developing yourself and communication skills by getting your free trial-subscription to his effective communication skills newsletter here. Signup now and receive a special bonus.

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Having best friends has been defined in our society because of the need to make connections to other people on deeper levels. When something goes wrong in your life, you can turn to a best friend first in order to get things straight again. No matter what is happening, a best friend becomes important because of their ability to reach you on levels that others may not have been able to.

According to several psychologists, it has been stated that a best friend is one who can help with behavioral and personality development. This specifically means that those who were able to connect to others often would find themselves benefiting on several levels. The first was in ways of expressing themselves with what was occurring. The response was often a mutual expression or respect. The overall abilities of the individuals were a creation of understanding of behaviors and personal needs, allowing the other person to grow and develop new levels of importance.

On the lowest level of understanding a best-friend is the requirement that most will define friendship by. This means that there is a mutual exchange of doing things for each other. However, this is a lower interpersonal understanding of interactions between the two individuals. The importance of a best friend moves beyond this commitment of support and the need to do things for the other person.

Beyond this physical need for friendship are also emotional and mental exchanges that are known to be important for a friendship. Having the ability to connect on these deeper levels, by opening up to another person, releasing different energies, and creating mutual feelings of expression give those who are in a friendship the ability to explore what is occurring through different levels of understanding.

For those that understand that life isn’t perfect, a best friend can often come in handy to balance out situations. Typically, a best friend will not be afraid to jump in at the site of danger or downfall in order to lift the other person back to their feet and push them into the area that is needed. By defining a best friend, this particular job description of having the ‘other person’s back’ is automatically understood as part of the partnership that is being built.

In order to be a best friend, or to define a best friend, it is important to understand what is needed as well as what you should do in the relationship. Typically, it is said that best friends are not found on words alone, but also on the actions that show the intent of the person. Best friends are then defined not by needing this definition, but instead by demonstrating loyalty, positive regard, honesty and support.

Having a best friend in any kind of relationship, whether it be with a loved one or an acquaintance allows for new demonstrations of exploration on personal and behavior levels to be met. It also allows for levels of expression and openness to be a stronghold in the relationship. The difference between an acquaintance and a best friend is the commitment, loyalty and strength that are provided. Whether it is your dog or your partner, having a best friend is one of the strongest connections that can be made.

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