More often than not, breaking up is as hard on the person ending the relationship as it is on the person being broken up with. Realize that a person is breaking up has nothing to do with caring about another person. Caring about somebody and wanting a relationship are not the same.

The majority of people on this planet do not like to hurt others, especially somebody they have been close to. Guilt has been used more often than not to keep relationships together. Fight this urge and believe in yourself! When you allow guilt as a way to stop a break up you not only cheat yourself out of having a good and true relationship, you’ll foster resentment towards the other person which could lead to greater pain and heart ache in the future. Why would you want to be with somebody who makes you feel bad by allowing you to feel guilty? Respect yourself!!

A man should exit gracefully by planning the break up, to minimize the grief caused to his partner

Don’t just ignore her hoping she will notice and go away. You might have learned a little bit about push /pull as a term we use in seduction. That only tends to bring somebody in closer. Which is the exact opposite of what you want.

The I think you’re a great girl and I don’t deserve you line will seem ok to her at first, but later on she will start to resent that. She could also go into how you DO deserve her and try to convince you.

Honesty really is the best policy. Treating the relationship, and the person, with respect and dignity helps soften the blow.

When you break up, do it in person. Show some integrity and sincerity to tell her that the relationship isn’t going anywhere. In our workshops we teach how verbal communication is only 7% of the total communication between people. If she also sees closed off body language it will be easier for closure for her eventually.

Telling somebody you are breaking up in person is never easy, but you owe it to her to break the news to her personally. This means not on the phone, definitely not over e-mail, but rather, face to face where she can get eye contact and read your body language. The universal line of “we need to talk” should be given in advance. This allows her to prepare for what is coming and helps soften the blow a little bit. Do not put too much time between the “We need to talk” and actual breakup as the waiting time in between is very uncomfortable if delayed long.

On doing some research on this I read a suggestion about breaking up in the exact same place you met if possible. This is to suggest that the relationship has completed a circle. A place where she has a lot of happy memories might help neutralize some of the new sad ones.

Ending a relationship gracefully means speaking our piece without blame or judgment and not taking responsibility for another’s feelings. It is important to make eye contact, and give body language that is open while you are communicating (which suggests you are VERY open to what you are saying) than give closed off body language after finishing your piece. To suggest you are not open to hearing anything else. Say your words sincerely, leave no room for doubt, and never back down – especially when she starts to cry and you feel horrible.

Than give that person some space usually a few months at least. Do not try to get cozy with the person as this can really mess with somebody’s head a lot as they will use this as hope that you are getting back together. This is the only way to keep pain to a minimum when ending a relationship.

Robert Torrey is one of the trainers for Fidentia a company that teaches men dating confidence with live workshops. Go to www.fidentia.org for more info

In some cases, the affair is planned out in advance as a deliberate way to get even and cause pain to the partner. In other cases, the betrayed spouse confides in a sympathetic friend or co-worker and ends up becoming emotionally bonded with that person, eventually resulting in a sexual affair. There are other situations where the spouse impulsively picks up someone in a bar and has a one-night stand.

The affair or one-night stand results from a combination of feelings–betrayal, shock, outrage, grief, hurt, numbness, the desire for revenge, and the feeling that being faithful doesn’t matter anymore now that the partner has crossed the line. The betrayed spouse wants to “even the score,” to seek comfort and solace in someone else’s arms, and to prop up self-esteem and feelings of being sexually desirable.

There’s also the feeling on the part of the betrayed spouse that the partner can’t say anything about the retaliation affair because he or she did the same thing. There’s also often the feeling that the “get even affair” is the fault of the partner who had the first affair, and he (or she) gets the blame for everything that has happened.

The betrayed spouse may tell the partner: “This is all your fault. If you hadn’t had the affair that you did, none of this would have happened.” He (or she) may be unwilling to accept any responsibility for what has taken place, and he may become mired in blame. (This, of course, is a cop-out. Each person is always responsible for individual choices and decisions.)

While it’s easy to understand how a retaliation or get even affair can happen, dealing with the aftermath certainly isn’t easy. The relationship dynamics were already complicated and messy, and now they are even more so.

Retaliation affairs only make things worse. Here are ten reasons why:

1. When the original affair took place, there was already one person too many in the marriage relationship–now there are two people too many, with all of the complications and complexity that brings with it. The marriage problems are compounded when this happens.

2. The outside person who has been drawn into the retaliation affair is likely to end up feeling used and taken advantage of when the dust settles. And using someone else sexually never produces the kind of energy that you want to invite into your life. Plus, afterwards there can be lingering guilt and regret.

3. Because the retaliation affair is based on wanting to hurt your partner, nothing good can come of it. This quote by Charley Reese sums up why: “It is never wise to seek or wish for another’s misfortune. If malice or envy were tangible and had a shape, it would be a boomerang.”

4. Having a retaliation affair is right up there with “cutting off your nose to spite your face” and “shooting yourself in the foot.” This means that you’ll only be hurting yourself more than anyone else if you let your anger and desire for revenge get the upper hand.

5. Engaging in a “get even fling” will only drive a bigger wedge between you and your partner and make it harder for you to address the real problems in the marriage. It will also serve as a diversion from focusing on the deeper, underlying issues.

6. The retaliation affair or one night stand offers only temporary escape from the pain and distress. When the brief interlude is over, the heartache is still there. There’s no getting around the fact that “You take yourself with you wherever you go.” The temporary escape won’t bring you lasting happiness or joy.

7. Getting even with your partner by having sex with someone else won’t help you accomplish the goal of rebuilding and restoring your marriage. It will only take you further down the road toward dissention, irreconcilable differences, separation, and divorce.

8. If you have children, they can be adversely affected by your actions. Kids learn about relationships, problem solving, and how to handle crisis and anger from their parents. It’s important to model the kind of behavior and reactions that you want them to learn and adopt in their life.

9. You never go wrong by taking the “high road.” On the other hand, you invite negative energy, disharmony, conflict, and unpleasantness into your life when you take the “low road.” It can take a long time to untangle yourself from the mess you’ve created.

10. The saying, “Two wrongs don’t make a right” has been quoted through the years because it’s true–just because someone else “did you wrong” doesn’t make it okay for you to do the same thing to them. There’s another saying that applies here: “He who seeks revenge should dig two graves.”

Hard as it can be to resist the urge to get even or retaliate, the most helpful action you can take if you are the betrayed spouse is to find an experienced counselor who can help you cope with the painful situation.

That way, you’ll have the support, encouragement, and objective feedback that you need to make sound, thoughtful decisions and avoid a rash “knee jerk” response that will tear your relationship apart even more.

Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-creator of Overcome Control Conflict with Your Spouse or Partner, available at www.ControllingSpouse.com. She is also co-author of Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says “I dont love you anymore!” which is available at http://www.KeepYourMarriage.com, as well as a free weekly Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine. Dr. Wasson offers telephone and email coaching to individuals and couples

If you’d like to discover more about overcoming an affair to have a successful and happy relationship, then I highly recommend “How to Survive an Affair” which you can get today by clicking here.

You don’t feel altogether comfortable about it and you aren’t sure what to say or how to start. This is quite normal because menstruation has been, and still is a TABOO subject – people just don’t like to talk about it.

This is what makes it difficult for most parents to speak openly with their daughters about the changes of puberty.

We have put together a few ideas to make it easier for you to approach this time with confidence.

Step 1 – KNOW YOUR MATERIAL

Having the right information and knowing exactly what happens during menstruation is a helpful way to get over the taboo. The more you know your ‘material’ – the more comfortable you are going to be about discussing it.

There are many resources available to you, both in print and on the web.

From a purely physical or biological perspective, the things your daughter will need to understand include:

* the mechanics of how women bleed

* what happens each month to their body

* what do women use to catch the flow (types, brands, alternatives) and how they use it.

* simple pain management

* how to chart and keep track of a cycle.

* fertility basics

Girls are getting their periods at a younger age, so be selective about what your daughter needs to know at any stage. A young girl of 10 or 11, needs simpler information than a girl who is 14 or 15.

The key is to open communication channels, or have information available so they can absorb what they are ready for.

For example – If you have a daughter who is younger, coming to grips with the physical aspects may be a priority for her. For example, what to use, when do periods come etc. She doesn’t need to know about how to recognise her fertility at this stage but you certainly can plant seeds for further discussion at a later stage. You can explain to her that her body gives signals about its state of fertility, that each phase of the cycle has a distinct purpose and that when she is older she can learn how to recognise the special signals her body is sending her.

It is a good idea to look at menstruation not only from a physical point of view but also the emotional point of view. After all, after your daughter has the facts and the physicality under control – learning to deal with the emotional ups and downs and change in moods will be the next major task, and one that will also impact the people around her.

Step 2 DE-SENSITISE YOURSELF

The more you talk about and think about menstruation the more ordinary it becomes – take my word for it. I have been writing and discussing menstruation for the last 10 years and for me, it is just part of life. So practise. Practise on your spouse or good friends first, before you try it on your daughter. That way you won’t be as embarrassed which will instantly guarantee a much better outcome.

Step 3 – THE IMPORTANCE OF SELF AWARENESS

It is very important to be aware of your own feelings and thoughts on the subject of menstruation. We all have subconscious beliefs about what menstruation means, and often they are not positive. Taking the time to think about and reframe your own attitude to menstruation can diffuse some of the discomfort and embarrassment you might feel.

If you are a woman – and your own passing into puberty was fraught with shame and disapproval, now is the time to look at the menstrual cycle in a different light. Do you really want your daughter carrying on this negative legacy? What does it mean to you that your daughter is growing up and maturing sexually?

The second question can be especially difficult to confront if your daughter is in the younger bracket of the puberty spectrum. Girls are getting their periods at a younger and younger age, caused in part by the abundance of synthetic hormones in the food we eat and a more sedentary lifestyle.

It is important to remember that just because your daughters body is maturing it doesn’t mean that her mind or emotions are making the same quantum leap. The whole puberty process can take a couple of years so there is time to get used to it all. And your daughter may not necessarily become sexually active just because she has her periods.

How do YOU feel?

Adolescence is the start of something new – childhood slips into the past. As with any change and time of transition, there are many feelings that come to the surface. Grief at time lost, fear of what is in the future, anger at factors we can’t control or our own aging process as we see our daughters stepping into their prime.

It is not an easy time. Being open to your own conflicting emotions and being able to put them in perspective means that you are less likely to get caught up in conflicts and more able to lovingly support your daughter through her transition.

Step 4 – KEEP THE LINES OF COMMUNICATION OPEN.

Be ready to talk when they need it. It can be funny – we get ourselves all psyched up to have this super important talk with our children only to find they don’t seem to be at all interested. Then at another time, out of the blue they are ready and catch us unprepared.

Take the opportunity to talk when it comes. Have your knowledge ready and remember they often need information in small bite size chunks. Don’t be too disappointed when you don’t get the chance to let them know the whole story in one go.

Another good strategy is to have books available to your child, conveniently lying around the house so that they can access the information for themselves. It’s a good idea to use these books as a starting point for discussions and remember there are resources available for you too.

If you’d like to learn more great tips and strategies for helping out your teen and having a great relationship, then I highly recommend “Teenager Parenting 101″ which you can get today by clicking here.

Read this…

There’s something I want you to do that I KNOW will improve your natural ability to read into a man’s behavior and his mind.

And learning to do this homework could mean the difference between being…

Happy & In-love or Lonely & Single.

Whoa… that’s pretty intense – I’ll tone it down for a sec and give you something to take your mind to off some of the potential negative stuff that you might be thinking about here…

Did you see the final Sex and the City episode where Carrie went to Paris with her lover?

Carrie’s in Paris with her boyfriend and begins to wonder if she made the right decision to move away with this man who, deep down inside, she know’s doesn’t want the same type of life and relationship she does.

As she makes this realization, her ex, “Big”, has flown to Paris from New York looking to reconcile with his lost love after realizing his undying love for Carrie.

And of course, as with all good TV, the two find each other by luck and fate, and Big finally professes his love.

Talk about romantic, intense, suspenseful and full of great drama!

Ok, I thought that might do the trick to warm you back up.

So what does the story of Carrie’s love life have to do with YOUR love life?

More than you might think – but we’ll get to that.

That’s why this week I’m giving you a short homework assignment – and this is what could be the most valuable 5 minutes you’ll ever spend on your love life:

I need you to think about one of the first things I recognized about women way back in junior high – it’s something I still see it today in our “grown-up” dating world.

Why don’t women pick the right guys?

Or even more to the point – why do women pick all the wrong guys?

If you’ve had your heart broken, been cheated on, or find yourself giving everything you’ve got inside, to get little or nothing in return, then you know what I’m talking about.

****Right Now****

Take 5 minutes of time to yourself.

Tune the rest of the world out for just these 5 minutes.

Now, think about each of these questions for a minute or two each:

1. What is it about “bad boys” or men that aren’t “available” that is attractive to women? And to you?

2. Have you ever dated a guy even though you knew he was a “bad boy” – or found out soon into things?

3. Is there a “nice guy” in your life who would make a great companion but you’re not attracted to or share a “connection” with?

Don’t cheat yourself…

Stop, go back, make sure you take at least 5 minutes of time and think about just these questions…

(Trust me – it’s AMAZING what you can actually learn about the world and yourself if you take a few minutes of silence to think just about ONE THING at a time. It’s maybe the BEST thing I ever started doing for myself!)

I’ll give you some more time…

Ok, so you’ve thought about it. Let’s share our thoughts and compare notes.

*As a quick inside reminder:

This exercise is all about actively improving your ability to know what a good man looks like for YOU and to help you pick ONLY the right men now and in the future.

Picking the wrong men can get you in all kinds of painful trouble it’s hard to get free of.

But for some reason, women don’t want the guys who are probably better relationship and love companions.

I’m not going to give you ALL the answers right now, but I’m going to lead you to finding the answers for yourself – as it’s a much more effective way of learning.

So…. I’m gonna address the last question first about “nice guys”.

A friend of mine sent me an article that was on AOL entitled “What’s Wrong With Nice Guys?”. Here’s a little quote from the article:

“…Do Women Date Naughty Guys but Marry Nice Ones?”

This notion sounds an awful lot like the irritating good-girl/bad-girl distinction that men continue to make. Still, it does contain a nugget of sense. Since women truly are conditioned to be “good girls,” sometimes we feel uncomfortable with or guilty about that pure burning “I must have him!” feeling. That’s why we sometimes seek out a bad boy to serve as the object of these desires, says Cleveland psychotherapist Belleruth Naparstek, creator of the Health Journeys series of guided imagery tapes. “In order for the deliciousness of pure lust to be ‘okay,’ it has to be for the symbolic bad boy who has nothing to do with the rest of your life. With him, you can crank up your animal impulses, worry-free,” she says…

Interesting, huh?

My friend who sent it to me disagrees with the idea that women seek out “bad boys” because they need somewhere to project their guilty lust, and I agree.

I disagree that there’s something “wrong” with the fact that women are attracted to “bad boys”…

My friend also made the point that the “mainstream” psychology and behavior world is starting to accept the idea that women are attracted to “bad boys”.

There’s something to the idea that woman don’t feel that powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for “nice guys” who chase after them, dote on them and kiss up to them.

A woman might LIKE the experience of the “nice guy” doing nice things, but it doesn’t CREATE attraction or a connection with the woman.

Ever.

Trust me, I know men who are the “nice guy” all the time and they get so frustrated trying so hard to please a woman and get her interested.

But it’s like trying to chew bubble gum to solve calculus problems… It’s hopeless.

And wouldn’t you know it – it works the same way for “nice women”. Being a “nice girl” can’t “convince” a guy to like you just because you do sweet things…

It just doesn’t work like that.

I’ve had women be the “nice girl” with me in the past. There’s two women I can remember from acting overly nice and sweet to try and attract me.

Any attraction that was there started falling away.

THE TRUTH of the matter is – kissing up, convincing and being too “sweet” can kill attraction.

Why?

Our subconscious reacts in ways you often can’t control and aren’t very aware of.

Being too “nice” sends a signal to the “deep” part of the mind that tells you “this person isn’t desirable and is lower status”.

I know, this might sound kind of dark, power-hungry or weird to you, but it’s what happens with us humans.

People don’t value what they can have too easily, whether they admit it or not.

Ultimately, when women are around “nice guys”, they end up unconsciously thinking, “This man isn’t desirable, I shouldn’t date or pursue this guy”.

(Ok, there can be another reason, but I won’t discuss it here but it has to do with people who develop the “nice” persona due to what they feel they personally lack, and thus “nice” people are self-selecting and are actually and less confident and less attractive.)

In the nice guys defense – they might actually have something better to offer a woman in terms of what she SAYS she wants (love, trust, companionship, passion), but the women aren’t able to see it – or see it as something they want.

Why?

Women don’t develop a connection to the nice guy and the “connection” is the MAGIC ingredient for attraction with most women.

Which leads us to the “bad boy”!

You might not agree with me, but women DO feel that magical emotion called ATTRACTION for “bad boys”.

Of course, I don’t believe that men have to be jerks, or abuse women in order to make them feel attracted to them.

But women have a deep attraction mechanism that’s triggered by men who behave indifferent, superior, cocky, the list goes of “bad” behavior. You’ve seen it.

“Bad boys” often create inviting and intoxicating forms of drama – often perceived as playfulness, sexuality and fun.

When I first talk to women about the bad boy subject, they jump ALL OVER me and completely disagree.

Then I ask them about some of the relationships they’ve had in the past.

And guess what?

Most women realize in the course of the conversation that they’ve dated men they knew fit the “bad boy” profile.

What makes me laugh is that the realization makes them argue with me even more!

So why do women date and continue on with “bad boys”?

The answer to this question when I ask it to women is almost UNIVERSAL.

“We had a great connection”.

Some women call it “chemistry”.

The magic of a connection with a man can be extremely powerful. Often powerful enough to undo all sorts of reasoning abilities and ways of perceiving things.

Women picking and staying with the wrong men is the single biggest mistake I see women make. It’s the most common reason why the thousands of women I hear from can’t find the love and fulfillment they’re looking for.

But there’s help…

I talk about these and other concepts in detail in my eBook, “Catch Him And Keep Him”. You can get your hands on a copy of Catch Him And Keep Him at my website and be reading it in just a few minutes from now.

Plus, you can get it at what is at my risk-

Why don’t you try the book for a week so you can decide if you want to keep it?

If you don’t like it, just let me know and I’ll refund all your money immediately.

Honestly, I think you could learn more in a few hours reading the book than most women might learn in their whole LIVES about how to meet and attract men the right men AND what the specific steps are to develop an amazing relationship he won’t ever want to come to an end.

Go check it out:

Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download

Christian Carter is an attraction expert and author of “Catch Him and Keep Him” at: CatchHimAndKeepHim.com

© Copyright 2006, Catch Him Inc. All Rights Reserved. Copyright materials used by permission.

1. Your Spouse May Have Confused Feelings

The most common situation is that the partner has doubts about his feelings. A more accurate wording might be: “I don’t think that I love you anymore, but I’m not absolutely sure.”

If this is what your spouse means, you can often use this doubt, even if it’s only a very small doubt, to buy time for your marriage. Your spouse may be more likely to agree to go to marriage counseling while he takes additional time to determine if he really wants to leave the marriage or not.

Rather than framing an appeal to your spouse as doing you a favor, say instead, “Please don’t throw away your investment of time in our marriage yet.” This request reminds him that he’s losing something if he walks away.

Help him recall all the energy, hard work, and dreams he has invested in the marriage so far. He may conclude that it just makes good sense for him to wait until he’s absolutely sure about what he wants to do.

2. The Romance May Be Gone

Another meaning the words “I don’t love you anymore” can have is that your spouse feels she loves you but that she is not IN love with you any longer. This is usually extremely difficult for the other spouse to comprehend. How can she say that she loves you but not in a romantic way, more like a friend or sibling? What does she mean?

When she says “I love you, but I’m not IN love with you,” she may feel that she has been the main one trying to keep romance alive. She may have told you that she wished you communicated more or would take more initiative in planning romantic or fun things to do. She has probably tried to initiate discussions about her needs or how the two of you could feel more bonded.

It’s likely that in the past your spouse has suggested you both go to marriage counseling, all to no avail. She probably feels that her pleas have fallen on deaf ears. Her perception may be that you don’t value the relationship because you have been unwilling to make changes that are important to her.

She eventually may resign herself to the fact that you aren’t going to change. Her feelings of sexual desire and romantic attraction often diminish over time until the passionate spark is no longer there. She still cares about you, but she doesn’t feel romantic toward you any longer.

It’s impossible to predict which sparks can be fanned back into flames. Some spouses will leave anyway, saying that it’s too late, that the other spouse has waited too long to start taking action. Other spouses may be deeply touched by the partner’s depth of feeling and efforts to change. They may agree to stay in the marriage and see what’s possible with both partners working on the relationship.

3. Abuse Almost Always Puts Out the Flame

A third possibility is that your spouse has shut down loving feelings towards you because of physical, verbal, or emotional abuse. It’s not hard to predict that partners who are threatened, slapped, verbally put down, constantly criticized, and unappreciated would not be likely to have loving feelings toward the abuser. Often they have no other choice but to leave the marriage in order to protect themselves and their children.

If you have a history of being abusive in any way to your spouse or children, it’s time to find an experienced therapist to help you. You will want to look at yourself in the mirror of a trained professional’s eyes. Often abusers themselves were abused as children. Abusive behavior was ingrained in them at a very young age.

If this is your case, know that you can’t help the environment you grew up in. What you can do is to make sure your loved ones are protected from it. Often people act out unconsciously the patterns they were taught as kids, only to perpetuate the cycle by acting the same way with their own families. The good news is that this vicious cycle can be stopped if you are willing to get help.

4. Addiction Can Kill Love

A fourth possibility is that if you have an addiction, your spouse may have had all he can endure. Addictions can take many different forms. Common addictions include alcohol or drug abuse, gambling, sexual addiction, and compulsive spending. Any of these behaviors can destroy a marriage.

The pain, confusion, and problems associated with living with a spouse who drinks until she passes out on the sofa each night can certainly dull romantic excitement. More often than not, the person drinking or using drugs doesn’t think she has a serious problem.

When the person is confronted about the drinking or drug use, a standard comeback is “I’m not an alcoholic (or druggie) because I can stop anytime I want to.” This is called denial, and many marriages have been wrecked because of it. For there to be any glimmer of hope that the marriage can be salvaged, the spouse with the addiction must be motivated and willing to seek help.

In an ideal world, your partner would be able to tell you in a clear, coherent fashion what his experience in the marriage has been, at what point his feelings for you changed, and why. If your spouse can do this, you’re fortunate.

Since people vary in their depth of self-understanding and the ability to communicate feelings, you may have more difficulty in getting immediate answers to your questions. And your spouse may still be trying to put all of the pieces together himself. When he says he doesn’t know why his feelings have changed, he may be telling the truth.

You may never know everything involved in your partner’s shift from being in love with you to not wanting to be in the marriage, but it’s important to understand what’s happened as much as possible. That’s where counseling can help.

You can tell your spouse that whether your marriage makes it or not, you need to process what has happened and take responsibility for your part. State that it will be really difficult and painful for you if the two of you end your marriage without even trying marriage counseling.

Your goal in entering counseling is to learn more about yourself and your partner, to improve your relationship skills, and to buy time for the marriage while you tackle the problems. That puts you in the best position to explore why the embers of love have died and to see if they can be fanned into flames once again.

Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-creator of Overcome Control Conflict with Your Spouse or Partner, available at www.ControllingSpouse.com. She is also co-author of Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says “I dont love you anymore!” which is available at http://www.KeepYourMarriage.com, as well as a free weekly Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine. Dr. Wasson offers telephone and email coaching to individuals and couples

If you’d like to discover more about overcoming marriage problems to have a successful and happy marriage, then I highly recommend “Save My Marriage Today!” which you can get today by clicking here.

It sounds almost too good to be true.

The skill that will give you these benefits is effective communication. In fact, the benefits of communication are too big to list here because communication enhances so many aspects of your life. Rudyard Kipling said “Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind.” Guess what? Communication goes beyond words so imagine how powerful it is now?

Here are a list of communication benefits and what, why, and how this amazing skill will definitely change your life:

Gives you happiness – You’ve probably heard money can’t buy happiness. This is true. You become happy by taking the right actions. Think about it. Happiness is at the core of the actions you take. The actions you make are not happiness itself but create and surround happiness. By taking action on developing yourself, you become happier. Effective communication skills make you happier by having joyous relationships, reduces anger of both parties talking, correctly express yourself, and other reasons.

Makes you attractive – The law of attraction states that you are a living magnet. You attract the people and resources in your life based on your internal self. Get excited because you do have invisible forces that draw and repel people. This isn’t mystical mumbo jumbo. There are many earthling factors such as communication and self development that you can control to attract people in your life. Communication goes way beyond verbal and non-verbal language. It is also the self development aspects such as confidence that create effective communication.

You become intimate – How do people become open in a relationship? Good communication of course because it is the only “bridge” between a relationship. Intimacy is about both people being open in a relationship. It is only through intimacy that a couple is able to know each other thoroughly.

More loving – This ties in with intimacy. You can be more loving towards your family by not only correctly communicating to them, but also through receiving their communication by using active listening skills. Showing interest in someone’s live will reciprocate to you interest and love.

Increased popularity – While a primary goal of mine in teaching others communication isn’t to make them the best known and most liked person in their school/town/club, it is rather increasing your popularity or likeability of the people you know now. However, effective communication can definitely make you popular amongst others because your conversational skills and friendliness will sky rocket.

More successful – John Johanson and Carrie Fried in the 2002 Teaching of Psychology Journal, asked graduates what their most useful skill was. The number one answer was interpersonal skills. Drew Appleby in a well known psychology magazine “Eye on Psi Chi” asked what job skills 39 employers desire in hiring people. Interpersonal skills were number one again. In fact, Brian Tracy (world renowned personal business consultant) in “Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life” says the highest paid form of intelligence in the United States is interpersonal intelligence. A person with such intelligence understands other’s feelings and desires, and employers are willing to pay for someone with these skills.

Relaxed – Stress is related to how we manage ourselves with the outside world. You can become more relaxed by assertively telling someone “no” if they ask you to do something you do not want to do. Also, by developing your communication and self using the techniques I teach in my newsletter, you learn to manage your emotions and thoughts to control stressful experiences.

Satisfied – You receive satisfaction when you get what you want. To get what you want, either someone gives it to you, or you get it for yourself. You cannot control what someone gives you (although you can influence), which means to become satisfied you must do it yourself or learn to relate to others. By developing your communication and self, you grow as a person enhancing your skills and creating satisfaction.

Self control – We interact with people everyday and often do things we later wish we hadn’t done. By developing self understanding (very important part in communication) as taught in my newsletter, you develop self control. Controlling yourself isn’t limited to stopping yourself from doing actions, but it also ‘controls’ you to do the right things.

Understand others – As you know, how we feel towards someone is all about our emotions. What often happens is you do not understand the person and their current emotions so you misunderstand them, respond inappropriately, or don’t know how they feel. By using effective communication you learn to read another person’s emotions, understand another person’s emotions, and communicate about another person’s emotions.

Understand yourself – I’m going to say this straight. If you are like most people, you do not understand yourself to your potential and it unknowingly to you hurts your life. Do you know why you behave the way you do? Do you always know what feelings you have? Why do you experience anger towards someone you love? This is why self understanding is so important in communication.

There are an abundance of further benefits to effective communication such as anger management, increased likelihood of receiving a job promotion, more persuasion, better leadership skills, and the list goes on. Hopefully now you can see the true power of communication. Let effective communication change your life today.

Sign-up now to my effective communication and self development newsletter by clicking here.

Joshua Uebergang is owner of EarthlingCommunication.com where he teaches people effective communication and personal development. His work is recognised by communication, personal development, and psychology experts, authors, and public speakers. He encourages you to get the amazing benefits you can receive in your life by developing yourself and communication skills by getting your free subscription to his effective communication skills and self development newsletter by clicking here. Signup now and receive a special bonus.

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Number one on my list is reading another person’s behaviour in an unnecessarily negative light, not finding a better way to see the situation, if that is possible. When we mis-read their behaviour and don’t cut them any slack, we tend to respond in very human ways.

The second dumb thing we can all do is not thinking before we speak or act. When we do this, often what we have to say comes out badly, at the wrong time, or we don’t talk at all. When we don’t think, we are tempted to do the same thing that helped create the problem in the first place.

Number three on my list is simply never finding a good time to talk due to concern about restarting an argument or unproductive conversation. The trouble with this approach is that many matters remain unresolved and the same issues come up again and again.

The fourth dumb thing we do is focusing solely on what the other person is doing wrong, trying to change their behaviour, rather than simply keeping the focus on what we are doing. When we do this, we are effectively trying to control what is out of our control rather than looking at any contribution we may be making.

Number five is insisting we be heard first rather than giving genuine understanding to how the other person is seeing things and how strongly they are feeling. If ever you watch a couple of people arguing, you will see them effectively saying, “Shut up and listen to me!”

The sixth dumb thing to do is to pretend you don’t have any personal flaws. Unfortunately, this is one of the worst personal flaws you can have, making it hard for you to give genuine apologies, make amends, or learn from your mistakes. It is also very, very annoying for other people to be constantly blamed for interactions in which they feel you have also made a contribution.

Number seven is not taking other people’s sensitivities into account. This makes it easy to offend or hurt them even when this has not been our intention. Rather than treading carefully around issues that have been hurtful to them, we tell them they are over-reacting, to get over it, or to sort themselves out in therapy.

The eighth dumb thing we can all do is to think that our way of seeing things is the only way. When we believe this, we tend to try to pressure the other person to come around to our perspective.

Number nine is to think that other people are wired the same as you. People are different in what helps them to feel happy and have different ways of doing things. But it is the way we deal with differences that is important. By accepting that people operate differently or see things differently, it becomes easier to accept difference or negotiate a common understanding for the future.

The tenth dumb thing we can do is to make choices to meet our needs, but in ways not respectful of other people’s needs. For example, we throw ourselves into our work instead of giving priority to the needs of our family. Or we have an affair, drink heavily, or spend too much time on the computer, all of which are not respectful of our partner’s needs. When you don’t take other people’s needs into account, or incorrectly target your efforts, they will not feel inspired to show consideration to you.

You might be tempted now to show your partner or a co-worker this article, circling the parts that apply to them. I suggest instead you might be better to say that there are things you can both do to help, keeping the focus on your own behaviour. Although my wife will remind me that when it comes to doing dumb things in relationships, men tend to excel in this regard. Fortunately, she also catches me doing a number of things right.

Ken Warren, known as “The Doctor of Difficult People”, is Australia’s leading speaker on the topic. He can show you how to turn difficult customers and co-workers into pussycats, make great teams even better, and achieve better outcomes with challenging clients. Check out his free resources at http://www.positivepeoplesolutions.com.au

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Starting a conversation and maintaining a conversation really are two separate factors. As with anything there is a start, middle and an end.

Below are some tips that will help you to keep any conversation alive:

1. Don’t be a conversational bully. Avoid making people feel as if they are forced to listen to what you have to say. Shouting and raising your voice won’t get you listened to. It will just frustrate you and the other party involved.

2. Learn the difference between conversation and speech. These are 2 very simple things to get mixed up on, whilst giving a speech you are being listened to. When one is having a conversation then 2 parties are involved! A conversation is word exchanges between 2 or more people.

3. Don’t shy away from phone calls. A lot of people shy away from phone calls don’t hide when the phone rings its great practice for talking face to face.

4. Questions are the key. Yes keep the conversation a drift and flowing with questions! Questions are excellent for making the conversation continue. Even if you are really fed with the topics just act as if you are interested by generating questions.

Some excellent questions for keeping the conversation afloat are:

Who?
What?
Where?
Why?
When?
How?
Really?
Is it?
Do you like…?

These suggestions might seem rather random; however try them out in a test run and see the results.

5. Don’t be boring. If you are on a date and need to impress, then being boring is a big no-no! You won’t even know when you’re boring the other party. Try to avoid subjects that are all about you: how you are good because you did something etc.

6. Perhaps you will feel tempted to brag or turn the tables and start talking about you ex girlfriend or boyfriend. On a date this is a crime; you really can’t do this.

7. Talk about the other person. A great way to keep the conversation going is to talk about the person that you are talking to! Pay an interest into their upbringing, social values, and way of life. If you show interest to the other person then the conversation will never die!

8. Be interested but don’t be nosy. Know your limits, gossiping and extracting information from people with nosy behavior is extremely frustrating. You most certainly won’t be getting a fan club by behaving in this manner. People won’t want to merge in conversation with you again. Nosiness and gossiping is the final wave to a healthy conversation flow.

9. Don’t pretend. Learn when the subject of conversation isn’t something that you’re comfortable or familiar with then politely change the subject; pretending that you are interested in something and know about that thing, is a recipe for failure.

10. Be lively. Talk with energy and incorporate fresh new topics to the conversation. Talk about recent news flashes, what’s happening in the world. For example if you start a conversation on the topic of politics, it’s sure not to end anytime soon!

You should feel privileged with the gift of talking. Don’t build up barriers and unnecessary obstacles to stop you from words of conversation. If you follow the above tips then you will notice improvements in no time at all. Conversation should be fun, to interact with people and to engage in talk is a way of life. Once you can talk and keep a conversation going, you can be sure that you will be able to maintain good relations with friend and relatives.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because it is available for a limited time only at: communication skills.

As soon as we turn on the morning show to watch a little T.V. before we go to work, we are always dealing with control. There will always be influences that try to get you to give up a piece if your mental sovereignty. It’s like the famous saying… “A mind is a terrible thing to waste!” The issue and elements of control and domination is an element of life that people battle with on a daily basis.

Nothing is more challenging than putting up with people who have power and control issues. This is one of the mysteries of life, which is, how does this kind of behavior exist in human beings and how can this behavior be corrected to advance the world into better relationships between countries, families, friends and strangers. The answer is not an easy one.

Controlling behavior and people kill relationships and can actually cause angst and anxiety. Here in America, it can also be linked to status and social problems.

People who are controlling are actually fearful and scared. To them, it’s easier to go the route of controlling people instead of dealing with people from a level of self respect and dignity. To them, having a controlling attitude saves energy and time. These people have visions of acting like an all powerful God with an overruling dominance over the lives of others. Life, to them is no sweat when giving the commands rather then receiving them.

Gangs such as the Crips and the Bloods use the art of psychological control to intimidate weaker members of the gang and enemies of the gang. Controlling people violates the moral code of others without any respect to their human nature yet people allow them to continue to control.

Most of us are controlled on a subliminal level. There are mechanisms that were created to separate you from your money (loud television ads), national gossip magazines and journals (junk food for the mind) and other things that invade your peace of being. The result is a reaction to being controlled with trying to become controlling in our own lives. The result is negative.

All emotional and verbal abuse is looking for an element to control. It’s like a negative energy attaching itself to a positive energy only in a controlling atmosphere; it drains the life out of you. All people want the edge in life and they will use control and manipulation to get what they want. We’ve been taught materialism and capitalism promotes status. How wrong we are!

Behavior that attempts to control you – regardless of the intensity – breaches your emotional borders and becomes abuse.

Being used or using others in this level of abuse is more than the obvious problems. Bullying takes effect when someone is called a name or made fun of. It also is part of things such as temper tantrums. On more obvious levels, this abuse can be seen in forms of physical violence that is used to intimidate others. Intimidation and bullying can even take place at higher levels, where individuals will use their status to place themselves above others. Despite what many have come to believe, control and abuse have become a part of culture on several levels.

Subtle controllers, subtle manipulators

Emotionally mature people raise children with respect for the lives of others, dignity, self worth while making others around them feel comfortable. These people do not show their children how to hate, intimidate and control others that are different from them or others that they might want to use as a crutch for their emotions.

Subtle controllers can be the worst because they basically don’t talk at all but you can see their disposition in their actions towards people or another person. These are the individuals that you never want to ho to help for because they will hold it over you for 100 years or more and they will, in essence, try to control their relationship with you via money and materialism.

These types of people seem to be okay on the outside but on the inside of their heart, they are full of deceit and lying. Their type of behavior comes on display after the light is turned on in your mind and sometimes our minds are sending us messages that we fail to listen to.

A relationship or friendship with a controller is always unhealthy and will take eventually, lead to the person being controlled, seeking counseling for their problem. When you feel off balance and that you don’t have the freedom to be you or feel that something is rotten in Denmark, then it’s time to check and getting rid of situations that are fully of trouble and contempt.

Self Check Analysis – What goes around comes around

Sometimes, we can be controlling and not know it. If you do have that problem, consider these things:

• Am I sincere in what I’m thinking or doing?
• Am I trying to hold someone hostage?
• Am I being prejudiced?
• Do I hate the person for no reason at all?

You know what goes around, comes around. I am a firm believer in Universal Law and karma. The karma will follow you like a wet blanket until you realize that you have to be baptized into all truth. This truth is the truth about ourselves. Once we are baptized into the higher knowledge of divine knowledge of the soul, then a person has a chance to learn and grow within themselves.

Protecting Yourself from Controlling Behavior

The damage of being controlled even once by someone will persist as long as you remain in the presence is having active communication with the person. Even if the person has perceived to be changed, they could pretty much be the same lame person that they were before and even lamer this time around!

Keep yourself free from these people and you’ll see your environment and health improve.

Joshua Uebergang gives people free interpersonal relationship advice. His work is recognised by communication, personal development, and psychology experts, authors, and public speakers. Signup now to his free newsletter at: http://www.free-relationship-advice.org and receive a special bonus that will help you get great relationships.

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Family Psychologists have identified four types of parent styles which are:

• permissive
• authoritative
• authoritarian
• uninvolved

The permissive, authoritative, and authoritarian styles are a spectrum of parenting styles and throughout the life of a child, a parent may stick to one style of may go through all of the styles at different phases of the child’s upbringing. Authoritarian parents are at one end of the ledger and this brand of parenting usually focuses on a structural environment with minimal responsiveness and communication.

On the other end of the spectrum are permissive parents which I call “in the red”. This parenting style has low behavioral structure but a high responsiveness. I think that permissive parenting is the worse not unless you have a child that has high self discipline which in America is hard because of the mentality of society that hypes success and peer pressure. Children that usually have their own way end up on a path of destructive behavior.

If you are not involved with your children, you are giving up your role as a parent. Children who are approached by the permissiveness will often feel abandoned because of this style. The result is children who grow up with low self-esteem, problems with trust and with continuous thoughts that they are not liked. In the long run the children are harmed emotionally but psychologists are now finding out that some parts of uninvolved parenting can actually be turned around benefit the child, providing them with insight and an ability to make decisions that are more solid than their counterparts.

Authoritative parenting tends to be located in the middle of the ledger, and is a balanced parenting style. It’s really a give and take situation in which all parties have equal input and come up with the best solutions as how to act and handle certain situations. It can be the most rewarding of them all if the environment is balanced. It doesn’t take a mother and a father to make this successful. That is a desirable trait but more Americans are getting divorced than ever before and the authoritative style of parenting seems to work in those situations.

Authoritative parents are the type that will work continuously to meet their children half-way. This means that at one end, they establish a relationship that provides nurturing responses to build the child’s self-esteem. However, this doesn’t develop into passive parenting, or a relationship that develops into a ‘friendship style.’ There are still expectations for the children to do specific things, follow the rules of the household and to develop the necessary disciplines to be effective in their life. The result is a balanced way of teaching children how to approach situations in their life. While this style of parenting is known to be one of the most difficult, it is also the most effective.

One of the important concepts to link to authoritative parenting is the ability to establish policies that are effective in the household. The major trick to this is to make sure that there is room to move within these policies. For example, if you have asked your child to clean their room, but something occurs that stops them from this, you can change the policy just enough to help adjust under the circumstances. These adjustments may be because of personalities or simply because something has happened. The balance is to create rules that every child understands, but not to make them so rigid that a child is not able to gain their own independence. The result is a two-way relationship, based off of clear communication and an understanding of what is acceptable.

If you are working towards this method, you can do specific things to ensure its success. For example, if you have asked that something is done, but the child rebels, you can help them to develop by asking them why and allowing them a place to speak before the rule is changed. This will give you the flexibility that you need in order to help your child develop while keeping an understanding that the rules are the foundation of the household. More than anything, it is important that the parents not only develop this flexibility, but also follow by the rules of the household themselves. Providing an example for the children creates a communication and understanding that the rules of the house are balanced and fair.

Another practical step to creating an authoritative household is to build a structure. Setting rules and limits that are the foundation of the household is the beginning to this. The child should learn that if they don’t follow these actions, there will be consequences. This can further be developed by setting schedules and organization for the children. This will provide them with a support system that builds into stability and discipline. Even though this may seem harsh, it actually creates a sense of security for the children, as well as an overall better environment. Children want to feel stable by having set rules that they can work with. They also want to know that these rules can be questioned and talked about.

The thin line between authoritative parenting and other parenting is that there is room to move. If there is a question about the schedules and organization, the children will have the right to approach their parents about these questions. The parents, in turn, will not ignore them or punish them for asking, but will respond and value the voice that is being heard. This allows children to feel safe with their own independence. At the same time, parents have a direct understanding that the children are developing ways to speak about their emotions and ideas, meaning that it is important to listen to.

In the end, both the child’s side and the parent’s sides are spoken about. The decisions that are made from this are made as a collective whole. While the children have a place that allows for independence and changes in the rules, the parents will also have an input that describes why certain ideals are in place in the household. This will create a balanced relationship with communicating what is being felt on both sides, leaving the final decisions with complete understanding of what is happening.

Authoritative parenting is based on the idea of communicating as a team. There is room for both discipline and independence. Children are able to develop emotionally and with their ideas and parents are able to balance out the rules of the household. Everyone is able to develop with their personalities and ideals, creating a safe place for the entire family.

If you’re reading this right now and you’d like to learn more great parenting tips and strategies for raising happy children who have great relationships with you, then I highly recommend “Positive Parenting” which you can get today by clicking here.

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Joshua Uebergang can give you more great parenting advice and tips for improving your relationships with your children.

Picture three concentric circles. The inner circle represents commitment to self, the next ring represents the role we play in the relationship and the outer ring represents our commitment to the relationship itself. You will notice there is no mention of commitment to the other person–that’s their job.

1. COMMITMENT TO SELF

Our first priority in a relationship with another is our commitment to ourselves. This is not selfish, it’s merely practical.

Your best friend has just been in a car wreck and needs your help. You want to get there as fast as you can, but it’s a few miles away and your car’s gas tank is on empty. Do you ignore this and zoom off to the rescue? Of course not. You get some gas before making the trip. By the same token, we each need to take care of our own needs to some extent before we go about trying to give to others. It’s really very simple. You are the center of your universe. Everything you see, hear, feel and experience goes out in concentric spheres from your point of awareness there in the center of your world. This is not some weird idea, it’s pure rational fact.

Your self, your universe as you perceive it, is what you carry into any relationship you enter. All of your cumulative life experience, your “family baggage”, your emotional and behavioral patterns are part of what you bring.

You are responsible for what you contribute to the relationship. The other person is responsible for his or her own contribution. This means simply that you have the job of maintaining your own physical, emotional mental and spiritual health. That way you bring a healthy person into the relationship, which is a true gift to your partner. Let’s look at some of the inner dimensions to your relationship with yourself. The physical self is closer to the surface and more observable than any of the other aspects. We share our thoughts and ideas more easily and readily than we do our emotions, so the mental self would be next.

Our emotional self goes very deep into our being and much of it is subconscious. Our emotions are more private than many of our thoughts, so we may see them as closer to the core of our being.

You might say that the spiritual self or the spiritual aspects of love are at the heart of who we are. Our spiritual feelings, experiences and beliefs are deeper and more private than perhaps any other aspect of who we are. The spiritual dimension naturally expands to include the emotional, mental and physical self as focus and development occur at this deepest level of relationship. This is our first work in creating a healthy relationship with another. It takes two basically healthy, growing people to make a healthy relationship.

2. COMMITMENT TO ROLE

We are each responsible for the role we play in our relationships. It is a mistake to make our role totally dependent on the behavior of the other. For example, “I would be a better husband if she would only . . .” The truth is that you are responsible for the kind of husband or wife you are, no matter what your spouse may or may not do. Your role is your creation and responsibility.”

By taking charge of defining your role as husband, wife, lover, friend, mother, father, son, daughter, boss or employee, you are empowering yourself in the relationship and removing yourself from the victim position. The tricky part about this is that our basic training for these roles was in our family of origin and early childhood experience. This is one of the reasons that family-of-origin work is so important as a part of any couples or relationship counseling process.

Here are some ideas to help you clarify and take charge of the roles you play in your significant relationships:

a. Write down what you learned about the roles of wife and mother from your mother, and husband and father roles from your father. (Add any other roles you are interested in exploring, the source being your primary role model in that area.) This will give you an idea of your subconscious mind-set regarding these roles. b. Write new definitions of these roles for yourself, using your own knowledge and goals as guidelines. c. Next write about all the reasons you feel you cannot fulfill the ideal roles you have defined for yourself. Consider these to be some of your barriers to intimacy, and use the skills you gain in this book to overcome them. d. Create affirmations in first person, present tense to form new attitudes and beliefs about yourself and your ability to fulfill your own ideal role in your relationships. Use your negative and self-limiting beliefs as a springboard for arriving at these new beliefs. e. Plan specific behaviors that will help you to actualize your ideal role fulfillment. This is a further extension of what you offer in your relationship. Your commitment is to bring into the relationship a healthy, growing individual who is further committed to being the best spouse, lover, parent or friend possible. All of this happens before even considering the influence of the other person.

3. COMMITMENT TO THE RELATIONSHIP

This is where we really begin to give consideration to the thoughts, feelings and needs of the other person. We each have individual responsibility for ourselves and our roles, and we share mutual responsibility for our relationships. When our commitment follows this priority, we bring a healthy person with well-defined functional roles into the relationship. Therefore, our contribution to the relationship is the best we have to offer and we are responsible for our contribution.

There is a tremendous amount of material that could be covered under the heading of boundaries and this covers only a small part of that subject matter. The point here is that emotional, mental, physical and spiritual health automatically create a powerful basis for functional boundaries. In making your health your responsibility and your first priority of commitment in your relationship, you are taking an important step toward creating healthy boundaries.

With these steps taken, we are ready to invest all that we choose in our relationship, making healthy intimacy a very real possibility. Imagine your relationship as a third entity in your marriage, friendship, etc. Together with your partner, invite a loving spirit (God, your higher power or the loving deity of your choice) into the relationship. Decide that your behavior toward each other is always going to be governed as if you were in the presence of a divine, loving being. Bring only the best of yourself to this sacred space of your relationship, and when bringing other aspects than your best, do so with the utmost respect and sensitivity. Treat your partner as an honored guest at all times, and together invite the honored guest of a loving spiritual presence into your relationship. This can become an ongoing meditation and/or prayer for the health and success of any relationship.

Without at some point claiming our anger and its sense of empowerment, we do not feel the strength and courage necessary to risk true intimacy, sharing our deepest feelings, thoughts and dreams. Without healthy anger, we certainly will not have healthy boundaries.

With healthy anger, you can expect better boundaries, greater intimacy and more fulfilling relationships. Make up your mind to heal your anger and create the life you choose.

William G. DeFoore is a counselor, executive coach, author and speaker. He has 34 years of experience in helping people achieve healthy, happy relationships. Get free information, watch videos and purchase books, CDs and downloads at www.Goodfinding.com. Contact Dr. DeFoore at ippd4@aol.com.

There are various reasons why there are single family homes in America. The variables depend on race, culture, heritage and traditional values. The effects can be damaging or can turn out to be good. It all depends on the individual and their will to make any situation better.

African-Americans – A Case Study

African-Americans have the largest numbers of single family homes in America. The question is why and what has caused the average African American family to have a single parent home. If you look at the African-American family from a historical, cultural and American point of view, the facts will shock you.

First of all, African-Americans are an entirely different race with different values than their African counterparts. Factually, many African-Americans don’t have any connection with the continent of Africa alone. Not all people of dark skin come from Africa. There are many Indians, South Americans and Aztecs that the African-American race originated from so there is confusion about the origin of identity.

So identity plays a big part of the makeup of the family unit. If the family unit struggles with identity, then it could take generations for identity and purpose to be developed and found without mental tampering or influence from other cultures. This influences relationships and puts barriers up to what real love comes through which is individual purpose.

So many African-Americans don’t have roots to Africa at all which impacts the way that family and relationships are viewed. The African-American male is seen as irresponsible and not able to sustain a family but is this true.

The myth is that African-American families had strong ties until slavery but this is really a myth. Even before the great Transatlantic Slave Crossing, it was the women in most African tribes that had the power over the children and the family. The man was seen as someone who worked within the village while the woman ran all the affairs of the household and educated the children. For the most part, the man was silent unless he met with other men from the community and tribal villages and he could also easily be divorced from the wife who in turn would have the village help her nurture and take care of the children.

Parts of Africa were a dominant Matriarch society. This carried over to the slave trade in which women had more power than men and could actually get their men sold off to other plantations. This is a hidden taboo that is not talked about in slavery because most of the history is slanted. Some slave owners took Indians and other people from other cultures as wives and not all slave owners were white. There were black, Indian and Caribbean slave owners in the deeper South in places such as, South Carolina, Florida, and Georgia.

In African-American relationships, the woman has always bared the brunt of the responsibility and had more opportunities while the male has struggled to find a place in American society that would accept him but is this really a problem in the 21st Century or is just a matter of updating old belief systems?

Many young black men are incarcerated at an alarming rate. This leaves a shortage of African-American males to head families. The reasons for incarceration are various but many feel that in the black community that there is a deliberate plan to foster single family homes by rendering the black male inoperative in American society. Sadly enough, in many cases, the African-American woman has participated in the system of downgrading the African-American male because of the lack of understanding of individual and corporate purpose and what it means to a relationship.

Many African-American women have raised single families that have turned out to be successful because of their belief in God and community. Many celebrities come from single parent homes that had strong religious backgrounds that kept the fabric of the family together. This attribute is from the spiritual strength and know how of bringing things together even when there’s nothing there all the more powerful and to be respected.

You can have a happy family life and get more free relationship advice online by visiting Free-Relationship-Advice.org

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What Does It Mean to Be Angry?

The first concept to recognize about anger is that it is a natural emotion that all children, and adults, are learning how to control. When you recognize this, you can learn how to deal with anger effectively. This does not mean stopping children from expressing their anger, but instead, finding more effective ways to allow your child to say exactly what they mean.

It is said that children will express anger in three different ways. The first is through an emotional state. When a child is at this point of their life, they will most likely describe anger by being aroused in a situation. If a child becomes frustrated because they can not reach a goal, they will react by feeling the emotion of anger and responding automatically. Most school fights, verbal aggression and conflicts occur from this state of anger.

The second type of anger moves from the emotional state and into a mode of expression. When your child shows anger this way, they will most likely express the anger through facial expressions, crying or temper tantrums. Instead of creating conflict with others, this type of anger will cause self-infliction, which will isolate the child or cause resistance from the situations that they are in.

The third type of expression with anger is when one is able to evaluate and understand anger in a completely constructive way. When a parent is looking at ideas of anger management, it is this level of expression that becomes ideal. When a child is able to express anger through verbal expression, interpretation of why they are angry and by evaluating what has led the child to this point, there is the ability to use the emotion of anger in an effective way.

Introducing Anger Management to Your Child

If your child is expressing emotions of anger, is acting out anger or expressing anger, you want to make sure that you can find strategies to deal with this. By doing this, you will lead your child into understanding what anger is and how they can deal with the emotion more constructively. There are certain ideals and concepts that you can use in order to get your child to the third phase of anger, where they can manage the emotion through expression, interpretation and evaluation of what is occurring.

The first practical tool that you can use with your child is to stimulate the memory that has led them to points of anger. Asking them about what caused them to be angry will help them to recognize exact points that led to the anger. This gives you the ability to validate the emotion as well as allow the child to recognize that there are more constructive ways to deal with anger.

The next step is to begin communicating with your child through specific language about the problem with anger. If your child is feeling angry about something, you can approach them by talking about the emotions and how they have caused them to react. If your child can begin to understand when they are responding out of anger, and can identify it through words, than it will become easier to monitor the behavior. When your child can begin to learn how to express the anger that they feel through words, instead of by direct reactions through emotions, they will have the ability to respond without negative or emotive responses.

The third way that you can get your child to evaluate the emotion of anger is by finding constructive ways for your child to regulate their behaviors. For instance, if they are acting out in anger, as an emotional response, you can begin to introduce more concrete ideas to them. For example, you can show them that instead of responding to another person with anger by physical resolve, they can control how they react with language or evaluation. This will allow the child to begin practicing more constructive behavior while still giving them the ability to express their anger.

The Importance of Anger Management

If a child does not learn how to control their anger at an early age, it can lead to severe consequences later in their life. It is said that if a child does not learn how to control their anger at an early age, it can lead to aggression and frustrations later on in life. If the strategies and interventions aren’t established, then it can be difficult for the child later in life to express what is needed, leading to violent reactions or isolated behaviors that stop them from progression.

Establishing future relationships and ideals with your children does not begin when they move out of your house. Instead, it begins when they are in your home and learning about how to respond and communicate with the world. If you want to be effective in your child’s behavior, you can begin by teaching them about emotional responses, such as anger, allowing them to evaluate and examine their emotions and behaviors in a healthy manner. The result will be a child that grows up understanding the balance between emotional responses and how to express and evaluate these responses.

If you’d like to learn more about managing anger in children, then I highly recommend “Child Anger Revealed” which you can get today by clicking here.

Joshua Uebergang can give you more great parenting advice and tips for improving your relationships with your children.

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The idea of being an introvert or an extrovert is defined in psychology as a personality trait. Personality traits are used to define characteristics, reactions in different situations and positions in which individuals define themselves in when they are placed in particular situations. The roles that are naturally in another’s definition are what cause someone to either be more inclusive in social situations or more to themselves.

Typically, a defined introvert or extrovert has allowed themselves to become this particular personality because it is a defense that has been effective in specific situations. If you are an introvert, for example, it may be because you see the definite rewards that are involved in being more exclusive in a crowd. You can define specific situations in which this personality trait has allowed you to be more effective in getting what you need or want from the situations.

What Defines an Introvert?

While you may have begun your path on being an introvert through an attempt to protect yourself in specific situations, it is also known that there are definite traits and characteristics that are a part of the personality. Those who have studied personalities have noticed a distinct line between introverts and extroverts, depending on the situation, which allows individuals to find their own personality in relation to social situations.

When one looks at an introvert, it is expected that specific responses will be heard. Have you ever said to yourself things such as “I know myself.” Maybe you have told someone that you are “free to pursue your own path.” Typically, introverts are the less accepted type of personality because of the socialization that has not been developed according to other cultural standards that rely on outgoing individuals and extroverts.

Beyond the social and psychological definitions of an introvert are also direct biological distinctions between the two groups. It has been shown that the nerves and chemicals that are sent to the brains of introverts, in relation to extroverts, take a different type of path, which is what causes the initial reaction of inwardness among introverts. Specifically, the reticular activating systems, where alertness and stimuli begin in the brain, are significantly lower in introverts. Other stimulated points of the brain, such as the anterior thalamus, where the stimuli are sent to the frontal lobe are also known to have a delayed reaction in introverts.

The stimuli that affects the brain in introverts and carries a different path towards stimuli is then balanced out with other areas of the brain that are stimulated instead and lead to more introverted qualities. For example, the armygdala, where the emotions are stimulated in the brain, will often times have a higher stimulus in introverts when in a social situation. In extroverts, this will be attached to the motor area, but introverts will usually process these types of thoughts through a longer and different pathway. At the same time, the long term memory in introverts will be stimulated in social situations. For extroverts, the social situations will stimulate short term memory, allowing them to connect to motor skills more quickly and react sharply to the situation.

The major difference between introverts and extroverts is nothing but the connection of wires in the brain, which causes a reaction that stimulates the energy in both types of individuals in different ways. Introverts are at one of the spectrum that defines an energy that moves inward to defining themselves. Extroverts, on the other hand, move in outer circles in order to gain their energy because of the wiring of the brain. Each of these energies will have different levels and temperaments, but is the main driving force of what individuals who are introverts or extroverts decide to do.

Why Change?

The first thing to recognize as an introvert is that being directed inwards is not a bad attribute. In fact, it is simply the way that you have been programmed. The discovery of yourself is acceptable and should be permissible. At the same time, it is important to keep in mind that the world in which we live is extroverted. In order to adjust into a society that weighs its importance on social networks is the need to begin extending a network into the culture you are in.

It is shown that the number of extroverts to introverts is at a three to one ratio. Extroverts are the ones that are more likely to go outside, find a social network, and begin expanding themselves through the people that are found. Because of this, extroverts are more likely to be the cultural foundation that is seen. However, you can learn to change your approaches in order to begin affiliating in a culture based on extroversion, while continuing to keep your true energy that focuses on the inward.

The idea is not necessarily to change from being an introvert to an extrovert, but instead to transform into an image that will allow you to benefit from the various aspects of life that will help you to attain your goals and dreams. While you can continue to find privacy and development of yourself as an important concept, you can also find the freedom to explore others and their abilities to connect with you by developing aspects of extroverted characteristics.

Steps to Extroversion

One of the things to keep in mind when moving into extroverted social affiliations is it is a way to achieve your goals. It is important to keep in mind that this is done in a culture that is more likely to accept extroversion. You don’t have to loose your true identity as an introvert, and can use the social affiliation whenever you want to move back to your roots of understanding yourself.

The first thing that you should acknowledge is whether you want to truly change. Thinking about the goals that you can achieve by focusing your energy outwards for short amounts of time is the first recognition to the evaluation of a society that achieves things through social networks. At the same time, you can also recognize that by simply displaying attributes of extroversion, you will have other possibilities opened to you by including social networks into the world that you have developed.

You should also keep in mind that there are several introverts that, by focusing on their goals towards a more social affiliation, have had the ability to achieve great success. Joan Allen, for example, has stated several times that she favors privacy more than social networks. However, she continues to be an accomplished actress, understanding that the extroversion of getting out and taking the chances is more important than always being in a private space. Others such as Michael Jordon, Gwyneth Paltrow, Laura Bush, Bill Gates and even Steve Martin have all stated their true nature of being introverts, but have trained themselves to focus on an extroverted energy to achieve what they want.

The first step that you will want to take into transforming into extroversion is to find the social places that you are comfortable with and can allow yourself to be more comfortable in. For example, maybe you have friends that you are more open with and that you enjoy spending time with. Maybe you have specific career moves that have pushed you into being more extroverted. Starting in places that you are already comfortable with is your first step to transformation.

The next step to take is a beginning to shift your energy. For example, if you are in a social situation, make one energetic attempt to be more outgoing, such as meeting someone new or expanding your network of people to socialize with, even if it is only for the evening. It is not necessary for you to change your entire personality, but instead, work towards focusing your energy at little times on building social networks that may be important to you.

Over time, you will begin to feel a shift in your energies. While you can still keep your true nature of being an introvert, you can also learn how to focus your energies into social occasions, allowing you to achieve what you want in a culture that is based off of socialization. The rewards are simple: you will have the ability to expand your possibilities for friendships, ideas and even career, leading you into a more effective lifestyle with both the ability to know yourself and to know others.

If you are working on specific goals or want to expand your possibilities, than working towards understanding yourself through social networks is a great way to begin achieving goals. It is not necessary to re-wire your brain or find different ways to focus your energy. Instead, you can simply begin to step out of the skin you are in so that you can develop more skills of understanding and can begin to develop skills and goals that you have always dreamed of.

Joshua Uebergang can give you free relationship advice online. His work is recognised by communication, personal development, and psychology experts, authors, and public speakers. He encourages you to get the amazing benefits you can receive in your life from developing yourself and communication skills by getting your free trial-subscription to his relationship skills newsletter here. Signup now and receive a special bonus.

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Approaching women is more than just going up to someone and saying “hello”. There are many more layers that are involved with how you approach someone, what you decide to do, say and act during those first few moments. The first impression that you give to the person that you are attracted to is the one that will ultimately decide your relationship for the future.

Preparation Steps

Because the first impression is everything, you want to make sure that you walk up to a woman prepared. This first means getting over your fear of how she will react, what she will say and what will happen. This type of fear can stop you from meeting who you want and may also send a signal to the woman that you are interested which tells her that you don’t have confidence.

How do you shake off the fear? It is as simple as reversing it with belief and with a different attitude about yourself. Believing in yourself, gaining self confidence and walking up to a woman, knowing that you are a great catch, will help to get rid of any second thoughts you may be having. Acknowledge that you doubt the situation, than counteract it with an internal voice that allows you to stop from hesitating and to make the moves that you want to.

When you are taking these preparation steps, you should always keep in mind what women are attracted to. It has been found that being physically attractive is not as important to a woman as it is to a man. Instead, women are more likely to focus on character. Things such as independence and humor are higher on a woman’s list than looks. The most important part of this is confidence. This is the key to approaching women and getting a response from them that makes them attracted to you. Before you approach someone, shift your fear off and bring in the confidence that you have for better results.

What Should I Say?

Once you have built your confidence and prepared to walk up to the woman that you want, then it is time to begin to find the correct things to say. What you say, and how you interact with the women that you meet, is your key to being able to get the first date that you want to and to gain interest from the other woman.

Because the first words are the most important ones, several experts have found different parts of approaching women in order to get them to respond correctly. David DeAngelo, a dating advisor is one who has found specific techniques that are likely to succeed with only a little practice.

DeAngelo’s belief is that men have established habits of approaching women that are not as attractive as others. These have been set from societal standards that have taught men specific techniques that are biologically not attractive to the women that they are speaking with. If a woman finds something in a man, it will be a biological attraction for the main purpose of finding the correct mate. This links directly to how a man will interact with a woman, showing through body language and words the abilities that the man has with his biological roles.

It is not just the words that you use, but also the way that you use them that women will be paying attention to. DeAngelo divides the different characteristics of men into several categories. Each of these show a lack of confidence, the inability to keep a conversation, no humor and completely faltering by doing the opposite of what a woman would find attractive. If you are walking up to a woman to get their approval, to show off or have signs of insecurity, you can forget about a second date.

If you are working towards creating attractiveness, you can do simple things with your communication levels. For example, if you approach a woman, you can show them that you are confident by starting with an opinion. They will instantly want to respond, finding that you have a high confidence level by being able to approach them like this. It will also allow you to ease into a conversation without any attachments or ideas about what needs to happen.

Another possibility is to begin a conversation, then leave for a while. For women, this creates a response in their biological system, telling them that you are confident which makes them more attracted to you. The response will be for them to try to prove their worthiness and qualifications as a partner. If you come back later and ask for their e-mail or a phone number, it will show them that you are truly interested in what they have to offer and will be a signal to them through your actions that they are the one you are interested in.

The key with these particular techniques is to learn how to show the correct body language while you are speaking. This begins with having the correct intentions and belief in who you are. You can then call on your best attributes to keep the woman intrigued. For example, being humorous, but not being vulgar is one of the ways to approach a conversation. Being confident, but not just being arrogant or cocky is another attraction mark to use when you approach women. The entire idea is to change your mind set so that you can attract the correct people with the right attitude.

As you are changing your mindset, you will want to be sure that you don’t start to loose your confidence while you speak to her. At times, women may not respond to you right away. It is important to know that this is not because of you intruding her space or taking over what is already happening. You are simply being tested to see the confidence level that you are at. Finding the balance between saying too much and not saying enough is one of the ways that you can prove your confidence.

Do the After Math

Of course, not every situation is perfect. Sometimes it will work out in your favor, and sometimes it won’t. If you approach someone and get rejected, take it as a learning experience. The situation that you are getting yourself into may not be ideal anyway. Most likely, it is because the woman that you have approached has different priorities or is simply attracted to a different style.

When you approach a woman, it is not necessary to believe that it will be a situation that leads to happily ever after. While this is ideal, it is not important the first time that you approach someone. You never know the situation before hand, and it shouldn’t lead to a lack of confidence or the inability to move on to someone else. For every situation that doesn’t work out, there is always one that will. Staying confident and positive will help you to continue to find someone who is interested in everything that you are.

The art of approaching women is all about how you first approach yourself. By becoming confident before and during the conversations that you have, you will be able to become more attractive to the women that are around you. Through the techniques and studies that have been established to find everyone the perfect mate, is also the ability for individuals to begin to change the way they see themselves and the beginning stages of a relationship.

If you’re reading this and you’d like to confidently approach women and successfully have them attracted to you, then “The Art of Approaching Women” is exactly what you’re after and you can get it today by clicking here.