Free Relationship Advice Online

When we are clear and focused within ourselves, boundaries automatically emerge and begin to move into place. In other words, boundaries are to some extent established subconsciously, as a result of mature self-love. Another dimension of boundaries requires our consciously focused attention and effort. We will look at these two levels in terms of our commitment to ourselves and to our relationships.

Picture three concentric circles. The inner circle represents commitment to self, the next ring represents the role we play in the relationship and the outer ring represents our commitment to the relationship itself. You will notice there is no mention of commitment to the other person–that’s their job.

1. COMMITMENT TO SELF

Our first priority in a relationship with another is our commitment to ourselves. This is not selfish, it’s merely practical.

Your best friend has just been in a car wreck and needs your help. You want to get there as fast as you can, but it’s a few miles away and your car’s gas tank is on empty. Do you ignore this and zoom off to the rescue? Of course not. You get some gas before making the trip. By the same token, we each need to take care of our own needs to some extent before we go about trying to give to others. It’s really very simple. You are the center of your universe. Everything you see, hear, feel and experience goes out in concentric spheres from your point of awareness there in the center of your world. This is not some weird idea, it’s pure rational fact.

Your self, your universe as you perceive it, is what you carry into any relationship you enter. All of your cumulative life experience, your “family baggage”, your emotional and behavioral patterns are part of what you bring.

You are responsible for what you contribute to the relationship. The other person is responsible for his or her own contribution. This means simply that you have the job of maintaining your own physical, emotional mental and spiritual health. That way you bring a healthy person into the relationship, which is a true gift to your partner. Let’s look at some of the inner dimensions to your relationship with yourself. The physical self is closer to the surface and more observable than any of the other aspects. We share our thoughts and ideas more easily and readily than we do our emotions, so the mental self would be next.

Our emotional self goes very deep into our being and much of it is subconscious. Our emotions are more private than many of our thoughts, so we may see them as closer to the core of our being.

You might say that the spiritual self or the spiritual aspects of love are at the heart of who we are. Our spiritual feelings, experiences and beliefs are deeper and more private than perhaps any other aspect of who we are. The spiritual dimension naturally expands to include the emotional, mental and physical self as focus and development occur at this deepest level of relationship. This is our first work in creating a healthy relationship with another. It takes two basically healthy, growing people to make a healthy relationship.

2. COMMITMENT TO ROLE

We are each responsible for the role we play in our relationships. It is a mistake to make our role totally dependent on the behavior of the other. For example, “I would be a better husband if she would only . . .” The truth is that you are responsible for the kind of husband or wife you are, no matter what your spouse may or may not do. Your role is your creation and responsibility.”

By taking charge of defining your role as husband, wife, lover, friend, mother, father, son, daughter, boss or employee, you are empowering yourself in the relationship and removing yourself from the victim position. The tricky part about this is that our basic training for these roles was in our family of origin and early childhood experience. This is one of the reasons that family-of-origin work is so important as a part of any couples or relationship counseling process.

Here are some ideas to help you clarify and take charge of the roles you play in your significant relationships:

a. Write down what you learned about the roles of wife and mother from your mother, and husband and father roles from your father. (Add any other roles you are interested in exploring, the source being your primary role model in that area.) This will give you an idea of your subconscious mind-set regarding these roles. b. Write new definitions of these roles for yourself, using your own knowledge and goals as guidelines. c. Next write about all the reasons you feel you cannot fulfill the ideal roles you have defined for yourself. Consider these to be some of your barriers to intimacy, and use the skills you gain in this book to overcome them. d. Create affirmations in first person, present tense to form new attitudes and beliefs about yourself and your ability to fulfill your own ideal role in your relationships. Use your negative and self-limiting beliefs as a springboard for arriving at these new beliefs. e. Plan specific behaviors that will help you to actualize your ideal role fulfillment. This is a further extension of what you offer in your relationship. Your commitment is to bring into the relationship a healthy, growing individual who is further committed to being the best spouse, lover, parent or friend possible. All of this happens before even considering the influence of the other person.

3. COMMITMENT TO THE RELATIONSHIP

This is where we really begin to give consideration to the thoughts, feelings and needs of the other person. We each have individual responsibility for ourselves and our roles, and we share mutual responsibility for our relationships. When our commitment follows this priority, we bring a healthy person with well-defined functional roles into the relationship. Therefore, our contribution to the relationship is the best we have to offer and we are responsible for our contribution.

There is a tremendous amount of material that could be covered under the heading of boundaries and this covers only a small part of that subject matter. The point here is that emotional, mental, physical and spiritual health automatically create a powerful basis for functional boundaries. In making your health your responsibility and your first priority of commitment in your relationship, you are taking an important step toward creating healthy boundaries.

With these steps taken, we are ready to invest all that we choose in our relationship, making healthy intimacy a very real possibility. Imagine your relationship as a third entity in your marriage, friendship, etc. Together with your partner, invite a loving spirit (God, your higher power or the loving deity of your choice) into the relationship. Decide that your behavior toward each other is always going to be governed as if you were in the presence of a divine, loving being. Bring only the best of yourself to this sacred space of your relationship, and when bringing other aspects than your best, do so with the utmost respect and sensitivity. Treat your partner as an honored guest at all times, and together invite the honored guest of a loving spiritual presence into your relationship. This can become an ongoing meditation and/or prayer for the health and success of any relationship.

Without at some point claiming our anger and its sense of empowerment, we do not feel the strength and courage necessary to risk true intimacy, sharing our deepest feelings, thoughts and dreams. Without healthy anger, we certainly will not have healthy boundaries.

With healthy anger, you can expect better boundaries, greater intimacy and more fulfilling relationships. Make up your mind to heal your anger and create the life you choose.

William G. DeFoore is a counselor, executive coach, author and speaker. He has 34 years of experience in helping people achieve healthy, happy relationships. Get free information, watch videos and purchase books, CDs and downloads at www.Goodfinding.com. Contact Dr. DeFoore at ippd4@aol.com.

In America, single parent families are really frowned upon. The family is supposed to have a mother and a father and anything less is unacceptable in the eyes of most people.
Young mothers who head single family homes are looked at as being in another class level in America. Many children are born out of wedlock in the United States:

There are various reasons why there are single family homes in America. The variables depend on race, culture, heritage and traditional values. The effects can be damaging or can turn out to be good. It all depends on the individual and their will to make any situation better.

African-Americans – A Case Study

African-Americans have the largest numbers of single family homes in America. The question is why and what has caused the average African American family to have a single parent home. If you look at the African-American family from a historical, cultural and American point of view, the facts will shock you.

First of all, African-Americans are an entirely different race with different values than their African counterparts. Factually, many African-Americans don’t have any connection with the continent of Africa alone. Not all people of dark skin come from Africa. There are many Indians, South Americans and Aztecs that the African-American race originated from so there is confusion about the origin of identity.

So identity plays a big part of the makeup of the family unit. If the family unit struggles with identity, then it could take generations for identity and purpose to be developed and found without mental tampering or influence from other cultures. This influences relationships and puts barriers up to what real love comes through which is individual purpose.

So many African-Americans don’t have roots to Africa at all which impacts the way that family and relationships are viewed. The African-American male is seen as irresponsible and not able to sustain a family but is this true.

The myth is that African-American families had strong ties until slavery but this is really a myth. Even before the great Transatlantic Slave Crossing, it was the women in most African tribes that had the power over the children and the family. The man was seen as someone who worked within the village while the woman ran all the affairs of the household and educated the children. For the most part, the man was silent unless he met with other men from the community and tribal villages and he could also easily be divorced from the wife who in turn would have the village help her nurture and take care of the children.

Parts of Africa were a dominant Matriarch society. This carried over to the slave trade in which women had more power than men and could actually get their men sold off to other plantations. This is a hidden taboo that is not talked about in slavery because most of the history is slanted. Some slave owners took Indians and other people from other cultures as wives and not all slave owners were white. There were black, Indian and Caribbean slave owners in the deeper South in places such as, South Carolina, Florida, and Georgia.

In African-American relationships, the woman has always bared the brunt of the responsibility and had more opportunities while the male has struggled to find a place in American society that would accept him but is this really a problem in the 21st Century or is just a matter of updating old belief systems?

Many young black men are incarcerated at an alarming rate. This leaves a shortage of African-American males to head families. The reasons for incarceration are various but many feel that in the black community that there is a deliberate plan to foster single family homes by rendering the black male inoperative in American society. Sadly enough, in many cases, the African-American woman has participated in the system of downgrading the African-American male because of the lack of understanding of individual and corporate purpose and what it means to a relationship.

Many African-American women have raised single families that have turned out to be successful because of their belief in God and community. Many celebrities come from single parent homes that had strong religious backgrounds that kept the fabric of the family together. This attribute is from the spiritual strength and know how of bringing things together even when there’s nothing there all the more powerful and to be respected.

You can have a happy family life and get more free relationship advice online by visiting Free-Relationship-Advice.org

You can reprint the above article provided all content, the links, and resource box remain unchanged.

Most would say that it is an understatement when someone says that children are difficult to raise. There is a continuous struggle to define and re-define boundaries, as well as to discover what appropriate behavior is and what is more difficult. One of the problems that many parents have is with children exploring and taking advantage of the emotion of anger. Learning about anger management strategies for children is an effective way to get your children ready for a more expressive future with better boundaries.

What Does It Mean to Be Angry?

The first concept to recognize about anger is that it is a natural emotion that all children, and adults, are learning how to control. When you recognize this, you can learn how to deal with anger effectively. This does not mean stopping children from expressing their anger, but instead, finding more effective ways to allow your child to say exactly what they mean.

It is said that children will express anger in three different ways. The first is through an emotional state. When a child is at this point of their life, they will most likely describe anger by being aroused in a situation. If a child becomes frustrated because they can not reach a goal, they will react by feeling the emotion of anger and responding automatically. Most school fights, verbal aggression and conflicts occur from this state of anger.

The second type of anger moves from the emotional state and into a mode of expression. When your child shows anger this way, they will most likely express the anger through facial expressions, crying or temper tantrums. Instead of creating conflict with others, this type of anger will cause self-infliction, which will isolate the child or cause resistance from the situations that they are in.

The third type of expression with anger is when one is able to evaluate and understand anger in a completely constructive way. When a parent is looking at ideas of anger management, it is this level of expression that becomes ideal. When a child is able to express anger through verbal expression, interpretation of why they are angry and by evaluating what has led the child to this point, there is the ability to use the emotion of anger in an effective way.

Introducing Anger Management to Your Child

If your child is expressing emotions of anger, is acting out anger or expressing anger, you want to make sure that you can find strategies to deal with this. By doing this, you will lead your child into understanding what anger is and how they can deal with the emotion more constructively. There are certain ideals and concepts that you can use in order to get your child to the third phase of anger, where they can manage the emotion through expression, interpretation and evaluation of what is occurring.

The first practical tool that you can use with your child is to stimulate the memory that has led them to points of anger. Asking them about what caused them to be angry will help them to recognize exact points that led to the anger. This gives you the ability to validate the emotion as well as allow the child to recognize that there are more constructive ways to deal with anger.

The next step is to begin communicating with your child through specific language about the problem with anger. If your child is feeling angry about something, you can approach them by talking about the emotions and how they have caused them to react. If your child can begin to understand when they are responding out of anger, and can identify it through words, than it will become easier to monitor the behavior. When your child can begin to learn how to express the anger that they feel through words, instead of by direct reactions through emotions, they will have the ability to respond without negative or emotive responses.

The third way that you can get your child to evaluate the emotion of anger is by finding constructive ways for your child to regulate their behaviors. For instance, if they are acting out in anger, as an emotional response, you can begin to introduce more concrete ideas to them. For example, you can show them that instead of responding to another person with anger by physical resolve, they can control how they react with language or evaluation. This will allow the child to begin practicing more constructive behavior while still giving them the ability to express their anger.

The Importance of Anger Management

If a child does not learn how to control their anger at an early age, it can lead to severe consequences later in their life. It is said that if a child does not learn how to control their anger at an early age, it can lead to aggression and frustrations later on in life. If the strategies and interventions aren’t established, then it can be difficult for the child later in life to express what is needed, leading to violent reactions or isolated behaviors that stop them from progression.

Establishing future relationships and ideals with your children does not begin when they move out of your house. Instead, it begins when they are in your home and learning about how to respond and communicate with the world. If you want to be effective in your child’s behavior, you can begin by teaching them about emotional responses, such as anger, allowing them to evaluate and examine their emotions and behaviors in a healthy manner. The result will be a child that grows up understanding the balance between emotional responses and how to express and evaluate these responses.

If you’d like to learn more about managing anger in children, then I highly recommend “Child Anger Revealed” which you can get today by clicking here.

Joshua Uebergang can give you more great parenting advice and tips for improving your relationships with your children.

You can reprint the above article provided all content, the links, and resource box remain unchanged.

Were you the type of individual that would sit in the back of the room, hoping that no one would bother to talk to you? Maybe you have stopped yourself from going to social gatherings, just because you would rather stay at home and focus on your developing hobbies. If you want to move to other levels of socialization, you can train yourself to become more extroverted and to move into the crowds.

The idea of being an introvert or an extrovert is defined in psychology as a personality trait. Personality traits are used to define characteristics, reactions in different situations and positions in which individuals define themselves in when they are placed in particular situations. The roles that are naturally in another’s definition are what cause someone to either be more inclusive in social situations or more to themselves.

Typically, a defined introvert or extrovert has allowed themselves to become this particular personality because it is a defense that has been effective in specific situations. If you are an introvert, for example, it may be because you see the definite rewards that are involved in being more exclusive in a crowd. You can define specific situations in which this personality trait has allowed you to be more effective in getting what you need or want from the situations.

What Defines an Introvert?

While you may have begun your path on being an introvert through an attempt to protect yourself in specific situations, it is also known that there are definite traits and characteristics that are a part of the personality. Those who have studied personalities have noticed a distinct line between introverts and extroverts, depending on the situation, which allows individuals to find their own personality in relation to social situations.

When one looks at an introvert, it is expected that specific responses will be heard. Have you ever said to yourself things such as “I know myself.” Maybe you have told someone that you are “free to pursue your own path.” Typically, introverts are the less accepted type of personality because of the socialization that has not been developed according to other cultural standards that rely on outgoing individuals and extroverts.

Beyond the social and psychological definitions of an introvert are also direct biological distinctions between the two groups. It has been shown that the nerves and chemicals that are sent to the brains of introverts, in relation to extroverts, take a different type of path, which is what causes the initial reaction of inwardness among introverts. Specifically, the reticular activating systems, where alertness and stimuli begin in the brain, are significantly lower in introverts. Other stimulated points of the brain, such as the anterior thalamus, where the stimuli are sent to the frontal lobe are also known to have a delayed reaction in introverts.

The stimuli that affects the brain in introverts and carries a different path towards stimuli is then balanced out with other areas of the brain that are stimulated instead and lead to more introverted qualities. For example, the armygdala, where the emotions are stimulated in the brain, will often times have a higher stimulus in introverts when in a social situation. In extroverts, this will be attached to the motor area, but introverts will usually process these types of thoughts through a longer and different pathway. At the same time, the long term memory in introverts will be stimulated in social situations. For extroverts, the social situations will stimulate short term memory, allowing them to connect to motor skills more quickly and react sharply to the situation.

The major difference between introverts and extroverts is nothing but the connection of wires in the brain, which causes a reaction that stimulates the energy in both types of individuals in different ways. Introverts are at one of the spectrum that defines an energy that moves inward to defining themselves. Extroverts, on the other hand, move in outer circles in order to gain their energy because of the wiring of the brain. Each of these energies will have different levels and temperaments, but is the main driving force of what individuals who are introverts or extroverts decide to do.

Why Change?

The first thing to recognize as an introvert is that being directed inwards is not a bad attribute. In fact, it is simply the way that you have been programmed. The discovery of yourself is acceptable and should be permissible. At the same time, it is important to keep in mind that the world in which we live is extroverted. In order to adjust into a society that weighs its importance on social networks is the need to begin extending a network into the culture you are in.

It is shown that the number of extroverts to introverts is at a three to one ratio. Extroverts are the ones that are more likely to go outside, find a social network, and begin expanding themselves through the people that are found. Because of this, extroverts are more likely to be the cultural foundation that is seen. However, you can learn to change your approaches in order to begin affiliating in a culture based on extroversion, while continuing to keep your true energy that focuses on the inward.

The idea is not necessarily to change from being an introvert to an extrovert, but instead to transform into an image that will allow you to benefit from the various aspects of life that will help you to attain your goals and dreams. While you can continue to find privacy and development of yourself as an important concept, you can also find the freedom to explore others and their abilities to connect with you by developing aspects of extroverted characteristics.

Steps to Extroversion

One of the things to keep in mind when moving into extroverted social affiliations is it is a way to achieve your goals. It is important to keep in mind that this is done in a culture that is more likely to accept extroversion. You don’t have to loose your true identity as an introvert, and can use the social affiliation whenever you want to move back to your roots of understanding yourself.

The first thing that you should acknowledge is whether you want to truly change. Thinking about the goals that you can achieve by focusing your energy outwards for short amounts of time is the first recognition to the evaluation of a society that achieves things through social networks. At the same time, you can also recognize that by simply displaying attributes of extroversion, you will have other possibilities opened to you by including social networks into the world that you have developed.

You should also keep in mind that there are several introverts that, by focusing on their goals towards a more social affiliation, have had the ability to achieve great success. Joan Allen, for example, has stated several times that she favors privacy more than social networks. However, she continues to be an accomplished actress, understanding that the extroversion of getting out and taking the chances is more important than always being in a private space. Others such as Michael Jordon, Gwyneth Paltrow, Laura Bush, Bill Gates and even Steve Martin have all stated their true nature of being introverts, but have trained themselves to focus on an extroverted energy to achieve what they want.

The first step that you will want to take into transforming into extroversion is to find the social places that you are comfortable with and can allow yourself to be more comfortable in. For example, maybe you have friends that you are more open with and that you enjoy spending time with. Maybe you have specific career moves that have pushed you into being more extroverted. Starting in places that you are already comfortable with is your first step to transformation.

The next step to take is a beginning to shift your energy. For example, if you are in a social situation, make one energetic attempt to be more outgoing, such as meeting someone new or expanding your network of people to socialize with, even if it is only for the evening. It is not necessary for you to change your entire personality, but instead, work towards focusing your energy at little times on building social networks that may be important to you.

Over time, you will begin to feel a shift in your energies. While you can still keep your true nature of being an introvert, you can also learn how to focus your energies into social occasions, allowing you to achieve what you want in a culture that is based off of socialization. The rewards are simple: you will have the ability to expand your possibilities for friendships, ideas and even career, leading you into a more effective lifestyle with both the ability to know yourself and to know others.

If you are working on specific goals or want to expand your possibilities, than working towards understanding yourself through social networks is a great way to begin achieving goals. It is not necessary to re-wire your brain or find different ways to focus your energy. Instead, you can simply begin to step out of the skin you are in so that you can develop more skills of understanding and can begin to develop skills and goals that you have always dreamed of.

Joshua Uebergang can give you free relationship advice online. His work is recognised by communication, personal development, and psychology experts, authors, and public speakers. He encourages you to get the amazing benefits you can receive in your life from developing yourself and communication skills by getting your free trial-subscription to his relationship skills newsletter here. Signup now and receive a special bonus.

You can reprint the above article provided all content, the links, and resource box remain unchanged.

If you are interested in someone, you may be thinking that it would be easier for them to just approach you, get over the first steps and move on into a beautiful relationship. However, the first steps are the most important ones. If you can learn how to overcome your fears and approach women appropriately, then you will have the ability to build a foundation for a better relationship in the future. Discovering the appropriate tactics and correct attitude is the first step to approaching women.

Approaching women is more than just going up to someone and saying “hello”. There are many more layers that are involved with how you approach someone, what you decide to do, say and act during those first few moments. The first impression that you give to the person that you are attracted to is the one that will ultimately decide your relationship for the future.

Preparation Steps

Because the first impression is everything, you want to make sure that you walk up to a woman prepared. This first means getting over your fear of how she will react, what she will say and what will happen. This type of fear can stop you from meeting who you want and may also send a signal to the woman that you are interested which tells her that you don’t have confidence.

How do you shake off the fear? It is as simple as reversing it with belief and with a different attitude about yourself. Believing in yourself, gaining self confidence and walking up to a woman, knowing that you are a great catch, will help to get rid of any second thoughts you may be having. Acknowledge that you doubt the situation, than counteract it with an internal voice that allows you to stop from hesitating and to make the moves that you want to.

When you are taking these preparation steps, you should always keep in mind what women are attracted to. It has been found that being physically attractive is not as important to a woman as it is to a man. Instead, women are more likely to focus on character. Things such as independence and humor are higher on a woman’s list than looks. The most important part of this is confidence. This is the key to approaching women and getting a response from them that makes them attracted to you. Before you approach someone, shift your fear off and bring in the confidence that you have for better results.

What Should I Say?

Once you have built your confidence and prepared to walk up to the woman that you want, then it is time to begin to find the correct things to say. What you say, and how you interact with the women that you meet, is your key to being able to get the first date that you want to and to gain interest from the other woman.

Because the first words are the most important ones, several experts have found different parts of approaching women in order to get them to respond correctly. David DeAngelo, a dating advisor is one who has found specific techniques that are likely to succeed with only a little practice.

DeAngelo’s belief is that men have established habits of approaching women that are not as attractive as others. These have been set from societal standards that have taught men specific techniques that are biologically not attractive to the women that they are speaking with. If a woman finds something in a man, it will be a biological attraction for the main purpose of finding the correct mate. This links directly to how a man will interact with a woman, showing through body language and words the abilities that the man has with his biological roles.

It is not just the words that you use, but also the way that you use them that women will be paying attention to. DeAngelo divides the different characteristics of men into several categories. Each of these show a lack of confidence, the inability to keep a conversation, no humor and completely faltering by doing the opposite of what a woman would find attractive. If you are walking up to a woman to get their approval, to show off or have signs of insecurity, you can forget about a second date.

If you are working towards creating attractiveness, you can do simple things with your communication levels. For example, if you approach a woman, you can show them that you are confident by starting with an opinion. They will instantly want to respond, finding that you have a high confidence level by being able to approach them like this. It will also allow you to ease into a conversation without any attachments or ideas about what needs to happen.

Another possibility is to begin a conversation, then leave for a while. For women, this creates a response in their biological system, telling them that you are confident which makes them more attracted to you. The response will be for them to try to prove their worthiness and qualifications as a partner. If you come back later and ask for their e-mail or a phone number, it will show them that you are truly interested in what they have to offer and will be a signal to them through your actions that they are the one you are interested in.

The key with these particular techniques is to learn how to show the correct body language while you are speaking. This begins with having the correct intentions and belief in who you are. You can then call on your best attributes to keep the woman intrigued. For example, being humorous, but not being vulgar is one of the ways to approach a conversation. Being confident, but not just being arrogant or cocky is another attraction mark to use when you approach women. The entire idea is to change your mind set so that you can attract the correct people with the right attitude.

As you are changing your mindset, you will want to be sure that you don’t start to loose your confidence while you speak to her. At times, women may not respond to you right away. It is important to know that this is not because of you intruding her space or taking over what is already happening. You are simply being tested to see the confidence level that you are at. Finding the balance between saying too much and not saying enough is one of the ways that you can prove your confidence.

Do the After Math

Of course, not every situation is perfect. Sometimes it will work out in your favor, and sometimes it won’t. If you approach someone and get rejected, take it as a learning experience. The situation that you are getting yourself into may not be ideal anyway. Most likely, it is because the woman that you have approached has different priorities or is simply attracted to a different style.

When you approach a woman, it is not necessary to believe that it will be a situation that leads to happily ever after. While this is ideal, it is not important the first time that you approach someone. You never know the situation before hand, and it shouldn’t lead to a lack of confidence or the inability to move on to someone else. For every situation that doesn’t work out, there is always one that will. Staying confident and positive will help you to continue to find someone who is interested in everything that you are.

The art of approaching women is all about how you first approach yourself. By becoming confident before and during the conversations that you have, you will be able to become more attractive to the women that are around you. Through the techniques and studies that have been established to find everyone the perfect mate, is also the ability for individuals to begin to change the way they see themselves and the beginning stages of a relationship.

If you’re reading this and you’d like to confidently approach women and successfully have them attracted to you, then “The Art of Approaching Women” is exactly what you’re after and you can get it today by clicking here.

Life was much easier when you were a child. You would fall and scrape your knee, and you would get a band-aid. Maybe you felt bad about something that happened at school, your mom would sit you down with chocolate chip cookies and milk and listen while you told about your bad grade or time at recess. Understanding relationship communication now has become much more complex. There are several other psychological foundations that are needed in order to relate with others and respond in the best way.

Empathy versus Sympathy

If you are communicating with a friend or a loved one, you will need more than a bag of band-aids. Understanding the different ways to respond, and evaluating the most constructive communication can help you to become more constructive in your communication with others. If there is a dramatic happening, an emotional response to a situation or a phase in life that a friend needs help with, you can easily begin to balance the situation by your response.

One of the levels of communication that you can take with a relationship is by understanding the difference between empathy and sympathy. Both of these responses, while being effective, will provide more effective band-aids to what is being communicated with you. This will allow you to move deeper into a relationship and to begin to make a sincere connection with the communication that is occurring.

Responding through sympathy is known to be the band-aid for relationship communication. Being sympathetic for someone is simply the first step in a relationship. For example, if someone tells you about something that has occurred you will most likely respond by saying, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry that happened to you.” This is a sympathetic response because you are sorry for what has happened.

When you are practicing empathy, you are more willing to move deeper into the sympathetic understandings. Rather than a band-aid, you are willing to understand the pain of the wound that has occurred. Empathic understand requires you to move deeper into the situation and feel the pain that is being expressed to you through the communication. You will have the ability to evaluate what the other person is feeling and link it to your own emotions which will create the deeper understandings and empathy by feeling the pain the other person is going through.

Why Practice Empathy?

Many individuals will wonder what the big deal is about using empathy in a relationship. What is the difference between acknowledging someone’s level by using sympathy or by understanding it an internal level? The other person is obviously learning how to move past it and is able to express their emotions on their own.

When you begin to practice empathy in your relationships, you can also begin to create deeper and more intimate relationships with the other person. You are able to share the pain that is taking place. The result is a better support system and the ability to begin working on the feelings that have taken hold of the other person. Being in an intimate relationship with another person requires this deeper level of understanding.

Beyond understanding will be the ability to support and find ways to analyze the situation. When deeper levels of understanding occur, you are able to create a more constructive support system. When you can truly understand another’s pain, you can help them to begin to examine the emotions and move outside of the space that has been created for the suffering or sadness that they are going through. The result will be the ability to move the emotions into another direction towards changes and initiation past the pain that is occurring.

How to Practice Empathy

While sympathy is the beginning to good communication and understand, empathy can help move beyond the superficial levels of a relationship into true understand. Learning how to become empathetic to another person will give you the ability to have a more intimate relationship that is more conducive of growth and complete understanding.

You can begin to create more intimate relationships with someone by learning how to be sincere and empathic with someone. The beginning of this is by learning how to listen to someone on deeper levels. The first step to doing this is to listen to what is being said, not only through the situation that is being described, but also by the emotions that are attached to the situation.

After you are able to identify the feelings that are being stated, you can acknowledge your understanding of these feelings. This can either be done by internalizing the feelings or asking questions until you truly understand how the feelings have affected the person. Acknowledging and internalizing what is being said will help you to begin to create sympathy on a deeper level, moving into empathy for the other person’s pain.

Once you have created a connection by internalizing the feelings and situation is when you can begin to combine empathy with sympathy. You will begin to truly understand the pain from the other person and can then acknowledge that you understand how they feel. This acknowledgement can then be used in order to begin to evaluate and examine what has happened, leading to more intimate and constructive processes of friendship.

Understanding and practicing empathy is an important skill if you want to create relationships at a deeper and more intimate level. While sympathy can work as an acknowledgment, it is also seen as a band-aid. It can cover up the wound, but does not necessarily help for the pain to go away. Empathy on the other hand, will provide a medicine for the other person to begin to heal from the emotional and mental wound that has occurred. The result will benefit both the other person in progressing towards a better understanding of what is occurring as well as the ability for you to support and help the other person into more constructive abilities for moving past the problem. True and sincere connections in any relationship begin with abilities to practice empathy, while providing constructive solutions.

Joshua Uebergang is a young entrepreneur teaching people interpersonal relationship advice. His work is recognised by communication, personal development, and psychology experts, authors, and public speakers. Signup now to his free newsletter at his site and receive a special bonus that will help you get great relationships. You can also learn more good communication skills.

You can reprint the above article provided all content, the links, and resource box remain unchanged.

Most everyone remembers from high school the nicknames given to those who stood out a little bit. There may have been a girl with braces, a guy with clothes that didn’t fit just right, or the freshman who was overweight. The judgments and perceptions that are developed at this time often don’t go away, leading into friendships that may be exclusive to those who look a certain way.

When looking at friendships, it becomes important to define what makes a friendship in the beginning. Do we all simply become one’s friend or acquaintance because of looks? Or is there something deeper that drives us to begin to know certain people? Finding what the intentions are of the friendships that you have, and evaluating their importance is one of the most important aspects of opening the possibilities to what friendships can hold.

It is said that different cultures value various traits that are adapted into looks by certain individuals. The looks that are defined then cause social inclusion or exclusion by specific groups according to what is acceptable or not. The idea of social exclusion, especially in friendships has been studied through various groups which have defined what it means to exclude or judge someone.

Social exclusion by the way that people look can happen in friendships in two different ways. The first is that one can exclude themselves from specific groups because they do not believe that their looks will be accepted in the group. The second is when individuals exclude others because they are not up to a specific standard. This can happen either by taking the person completely out of the picture, or leaving them out of ‘benefits’ that may be a part of the friendship.

Judgment, when part of a friendship and in dealing with exclusion of certain individuals can be detrimental to personal relationships and feelings. Because of this, there is a need to begin to understand when judgment has gone too far and is becoming exclusive towards individuals that may not hold a specific standard in the way that they look, according to what has been dictated to individuals on a cultural level.

The culture that is known to define the judgments that we make, even at a friendship level, comes from the social pressures that are seen around us everyday. The media, television, movies, music and everyday situations build a set of definitions of what should be socially included or exclusive, especially among a group of friends. This is the first set of rules that defines what looks are acceptable for a set of people or a time period.

It is said that this social judgment can not be prevented because it has been built into our lifestyles on so many subconscious levels. However, it is also said that by taking responsibility for the judgments and beginning to change them into positive types of reinforcement, it can allow for an inclusive set of friends, instead of exclusive individuals that are not open to ideas, personalities or deeper relationships because of the defined looks that are acceptable first.

At the other side of inclusively with friendships is the willingness for those who look out of the ordinary to be available to the friendships that are not judgmental. If you have a specific style or look that sets you apart from a group of friends, it does not mean that you can not join that group of friends. This becomes a self-judgment, and can easily lead into victimization because of the exclusivity that is imposed on your own thoughts. A simple frame of mind into believing that your particular looks do not define who you can fit in with is the first step into creating a more inclusive society that does not base all the weight of friendships on one’s appearance.

If the judgments that you begin to make are defined by the external pressures that you face every day, instead of your better judgment is when you begin to define friends and relationships at a level that is not conducive to growing, learning or expanding your social inclusiveness. You are the only one who can be the judge on what is known to be appropriate to a friendship and what will define the foundation of what is acceptable, either by looks, or by deeper concerns.

Joshua Uebergang is a young entrepreneur teaching people interpersonal relationship advice. His work is recognised by communication, personal development, and psychology experts, authors, and public speakers. Signup now to his free newsletter at: http://www.free-relationship-advice.org and receive a special bonus that will help you get great relationships. You can also learn more tips to strengthen friendships.

You can reprint the above article provided all content, the links, and resource box remain unchanged.

Finally, you have met someone that is interested in having a relationship with you. So far, you have noted that they have a great personality and seem to have everything together. But, in conversation with your other friends, you also note that there is something strange about this new person. They don’t want to be close to you. In fact, the conversations that you have had this far don’t stimulate deeper levels of understanding each other. Even stranger than this, they have made no attempt to initiate contact with you at the deeper levels that you are used to.

You are quickly advised into getting out of the relationship. The consensus is that this person obviously has fear of being intimate with another person; a social problem that is detrimental to both in the relationship. But, you also want to note that this person is important, and you know that there are some great things going on, despite the fact that the deeper levels of physical and mental intimacy can’t be reached.

Understanding fear of intimacy and finding ways to move past it, no matter which side of the relationship you are on, can help you into better and deeper relationships. Intimacy doesn’t have to be something to pull away from. In fact, you can consider it as being a ‘raw human,’ one that is able to understand other humans on a level that connects from our foundations of being.

What is Intimacy?

Too often, our society has defined intimacy in different ways than it should be. This is one of the major factors that have led to the fear of being intimate with another. Typically, our culture will state that intimacy means being in a serious relationship with another person. The intimacy is something that should occur behind closed doors, not as a public display. Too often, intimacy has been described as exposing oneself in ways that are uncomfortable.

Intimacy is more than the physical connection of closeness and moves beyond ideas of exposure that are too often demonstrated. Intimacy simply means to create a connection with another human being on a naturally human level. It can be anything that is authentic and genuine, creating a complete connection between two individuals walking through life. Intimacy is not anything but a human connection between two individuals that leads to better understandings of what life is about.

Intimacy, at its root levels, means making a connection. When doing this, it simply takes trust. When someone is unable to be intimate with you, it is most likely because there is a fear of trust. This is not necessarily happening because of you are. It is happening because it is a defense mechanism in order for the other person to protect what they believe they have or don’t have. If they don’t trust someone, they don’t get hurt. This leads them into a consistent cycle of pushing others away and keeping themselves with their clothes on.

Fear of intimacy for others, and maybe for yourself, begins at the root level of not wanting to be exposed. However, intimacy doesn’t have to stop at this fear. You can begin to make changes by trusting that life is fine, even if your clothes are off. Making small connections with others, as well as beginning to define what you need to do to build levels of trust can lead you into being able to shake off your fears and begin to reach out to others on deeper levels.

How Do We Practice Intimacy?

Becoming intimate with another person isn’t a mystery. If you are a practicing human being, you can begin practicing intimacy now. It doesn’t necessarily mean creating a passionate level of connection between yourself and another person. You can do things like acknowledge the strengths in another person begin to listen to what they are really saying and reach out to them on a natural and human level about who they are.

Practicing intimacy may be more difficult to some, not because they are not human, but because difficulties arise from past experiences with intimacy. For those that have had traumatic experiences, it is less likely they will be able to practice intimacy with another person at any level. This is a mental wound that occurs among too many and shuts them off from having the ability to practice intimacy among others.

If you find that someone is having trouble with intimacy, you don’t have to assume it is because of a traumatic experience. It may be something as simple as them never having this connection of intimacy in the past. Instead of expecting intimacy to take place at a deeper level, you can start with the little things that create human connections. Being playful, taking smaller steps in reaching out and providing a helping hand in times of need will begin to establish a foundation of friendship and intimacy between you and the other person.

One of the important ways to practice intimacy is to create deeper levels of understanding through listening. This should be done not only by establishing a strong ear for someone to listen to, but also through more intimate connections of listening. Empathic listening skills are one of the most important parts of creating intimacy in a friendship or relationships. Over time, you will notice that some of the walls of trust that were failing the relationship before are now at the basis of understanding. The foundation that is being built can occur on the deep levels that you desire, only with a little time.

Intimacy to individuals is more than holding hands in public or exposing oneself to all of their deepest secrets. At a very basic level, intimacy is creating a human connection with others. This may mean doing something as simple as complimenting someone on their necklace or something as specific as listening to someone with a full heart while they speak of the experiences that they have had to overcome. If you are looking for a deeper relationship with levels of meaning, than creating this intimacy is the beginning to the connection of humanness.

Whether you are afraid of being intimate with another person or are afraid of intimacy, you can overcome. By simply taking the smaller steps of connecting with others, you will have the ability to build deeper meanings of relationships with others. At the same time, you can begin to overcome the larger fears that have become barriers between you and others. By stepping into the unknown of the relationship, even in smaller ways of human connection, you can begin to establish a foundation of meaning and unlimited connection with the other person.

Joshua Uebergang is owner of http://www.Free-Relationship-Advice.org where he teaches people free interpersonal relationship advice. His work is recognised by communication, personal development, and psychology experts, authors, and public speakers. Signup now to his free newsletter at: http://www.free-relationship-advice.org and receive a special bonus that will help you get
great relationships.

You can reprint the above article provided all content, the links, and resource box remain unchanged.

Do you want a date filled with awkward silence or an evening full of conversation fun? Your conversation abilities will make the difference. Four conversation secrets will put you on the path to dating fun.

Secret #1: Take 3 Minutes to prepare.

Three minutes will unlock your ability to have a great date. Take a moment and mentally come up with four or five conversation topics and four or five conversation questions. Your topics and questions can include: -Personal experiences -Family -Joke -Recent events -Hobbies -News items -Etc.

Whenever a silent pause creeps up, you zap it. Either ask a question or share one of your topics. This brings up more discussion and more fun. All it takes is three minutes to prepare.

Secret #2: Find connections or things in common.

A fun conversation happens when both parties are talking on a subject they are both interested in. Look for things you both have in common or enjoy talking about.

At first you may not know what you both enjoy talking about. Quickly find this out with three steps: 1. Ask questions. 2. Listen for a connection. The other person may mention they enjoy movies. If you also enjoy movies, take a mental note. 3. Bring out the connection. Ask questions about the connection. Mention that you are also interested in that area.

Friendships are based on connections or things you have in common. As you discover connections, your friendship will deepen and the fun will intensify.

Tip #3: Show interest by asking questions and listening.

Do you want to impress the other person? Do you want to leave a great impression? Do you want to quickly make friends?

There is a simple way. Ask questions and listen. By focusing your spotlight of interest on the other person, they will talk, enjoy the date, and so will you.

A great practice is to count to five after the other person finishes talking. Often they will say more. You will leave a great impression and it will help keep you relaxed.

Tip #4: Relax, enjoy, have fun.

Relax-this is the key to a good date. Don’t feel like you have to force conversations. Just have fun.

Laugh at yourself. Show emotion. This will help break the ice. Many dates will have some awkward moments. Just accept it and keep applying the four secrets.

Instead of focusing on leaving a great impression, focus on applying the four secrets. You will then leave a great impression and have an awesome fun filled date!

Austin Barnes has developed the Conversation Success System which reveals how to have Great Conversation Skills in Less than Hour. A free email course called “10 Conversation Tips” is found here: http://www.conversationhelp.com/tips.php

If you’d like to discover more conversation secrets to attract and seduce women, then I highly recommend “How to Instantly Attract Any Woman” which you can get today by clicking here.

Do you have a relationship you’d describe as electrifying? Do you even have a relationship? Are you single and worry about ever finding a hot lady or “Mr Right” yet alone just a lady or a guy?

I know how much it sucks. If you’re single, maybe it sucks for you because:

• Your partner you once loved has left
• Your friends have a partner and you don’t
• You don’t think you’re good enough for someone else to love you
• You wonder whether you’ll ever find a beautiful lady or “Mr Right”

I know how much it really sucks to feel these depressing emotions. It hurts. I understand it is miserable being alone when you could be having fun with someone who loves you.

In past newsletters I’ve discussed some techniques used to build attraction.

These are techniques YOU can use to make another person feel more attracted towards you.

Did you get that?

What this means for you is how YOU communicate verbally and non-verbally determines your attractiveness.

It isn’t about looking more attractive. Rather, it is being perceived attractive through your communication.

Someone who communicates confidence non-verbally does appear more attractive to everyone else…

…But good confidence is just one area that can build attraction.

Maybe you’re wondering is attraction in the words you say?

You bet, but attraction is more then canned words. If words were enough to make someone love you then it’d be just a matter of memorizing a script.

You and I know something goes on much deeper.

There’s a problem though. What actually goes on?

What is the chemistry an exciting couple experience that gets them so turned-on to one another?

People have a hard time of explaining what this whole “firey-emotions” thing a couple feels is. They call it “love”, “attraction”, “love at first sight” but can’t explain what happens…

…But, can you see how this relates to communication?

People who don’t learn communication don’t understand why they argue with people.

People who don’t learn communication don’t understand why their emotions are bottled up inside.

People who don’t learn communication don’t understand why a family member would start yelling at him/her.

THE LINK HERE IS FEELING LOVE AND BEING ATTRACTED TO SOMEONE MELTS DOWN TO COMMUNICATION.

Those who don’t learn attraction communication don’t understand why an exciting couple experience such a sizzle in their relationship and are attracted to one another like two strong magnets.

I have a friend who goes to university and his face looks like its been run over by a car. He isn’t a good looking bloke yet I always see him with at least one lovely lady…sometimes five.

I don’t care how he looks, he might be insecure in how he looks, but do you think the groups of lovely women that are always around him care about his looks?

I seriously doubt it. Groups of guys and girls hang around the opposite sex because they want to be around them.

If the girls found my friend’s looks that repulsive they wouldn’t be around him in the first place.

Okay, so his face looks like its been run over by a car. The chicks dig him. What is he doing differently to you?

Why don’t you have guys or girls following you?

Why don’t you have the opposite sex begging for your attention?

Are you using the lie that you are not good looking enough?

Let me repeat so you understand because you must GET THIS.

OTHERS WILL FEEL ATTRACTED TO YOU IF YOU KNOW HOW TO EFFECTIVELY COMMUNICATE ATTRACTION.

My friend with the face that looks like it was run over by a car has the skills to effectively communicate attraction to the women around him.

This is why my friend will never have a problem in being single. He knows how attraction works.

Heck, I enjoy being around this guy because he’s great to talk to. If I was a woman (HOPEFULLY NEVER!), I can see why they are attracted to him.

This shows you the power of being able to communicate attraction.

When you know the skills and how to apply them, people enjoy being around you. They become attracted to your personality.

Your personality and conversational style become a people magnet.

I guarantee you will appear more attractive to others by knowing how to communicate attraction.

So, as you imagine how your life will change with the opposite sex by discovering attraction skills, think of what you will be able to do:

• You will have the opposite sex begging for your attention
• You will have the opposite sex crawling over you
• Your friends will be begging to know your secrets as attraction will be a mystery to them
• You’ll stop drowning in misery over being alone and single
• You will no longer be afraid of talking to a sexy girl or nice guy

What other possibilities have you imagined?

Feel what it will be like to have a partner hungry for you.

This is all possible.

It is about developing the communication skills to build attraction.

I’ve got great news for you today, AT LAST, you will be able to develop attraction building skills to “pull in” someone you want like a magnet pulling in metal. It’s all about communicating attraction.

For over 1 solid year I have strongly recommended and put my name behind two eBooks. One is for single guys who want these attraction skills in their lives and the other ebook is for women wanting to get these attraction skills to attract “Mr Right”.

FOR SINGLE GUYS

If you’re a single guy who wants to be able to turn a woman on (at your will), this IS for YOU.

It doesn’t matter that you can’t go up to a lady and start a conversation because this will solve it for you.

It doesn’t matter even if you can’t look a hot woman in her eyes because this is, in fact for you.

The eBook you’re about to learn more on in a link below is called “Double Your Dating” by David DeAngelo.

David DeAngelo has taught at least over 500 000 thousand single men (he teaches over 1 million people attraction including married guys and women who “spy in” and learn from him) how to turn a woman on using attraction skills.

To learn more of how you can get your hands on the steering wheel of your life with women so you are in control (instead of women and situations controlling you), you will at last discover with your copy of “Double Your Dating” by clicking here.

FOR SINGLE WOMEN

If you’re a single woman sick-and-tired of not finding a nice guy you share a “connection” with, then you’ll love this.

If you are fed-up with guys scared to commit to a serious relationship, then you’ll love this.

If you want to discover AT LAST, how you can attract “Mr Right” and feel that magical connection, this is for you.

The eBook you’re about to learn more on in a link below is called “catch Him and Keep Him” by Christian Carter.

This eBook has helped women from all around the world attract men. These women no longer lose the “magical connection” they experience when meeting a new guy they think is “Mr Right”. These women also no longer experience a failing “big talk” where most men shut you out as you try to communicate to them.

To learn how you can attract “Mr Right” and keep him for good instead of feeling distanced from him, visit “Catch Him and Keep Him” by clicking here.

To your new attraction success,

Joshua Uebergang

P.S. Here are the links again so you don’t miss out on learning these powerful attraction skills to attract the guy or girl you want into your life:

- Single guys: “Double Your Dating”
- Single women: “Catch Him and Keep Him”